A
female
age
41-50,
*aty75
writes:Hi, Im desperately in need of some advice on my situation which I know may be a familiar one. I met a married man, who's 12 yrs older than me (I'm 35) just over 2 years ago, we clicked straight away and have fallen in love and our relationship is'nt just about sex and we have both said this many times. We meet up for a drink usually twice a week and go out most weekends.He's been married about 20 yrs and has had about 3 short affairs in that time and has 2 children, 16 and 11 whom he dotes on.Upon asking why he cant leave home at the moment his answer is that he wants to make sure that me and him are perfect together and also because of his youngest daughter and that if he does leave, it wont be until next yr at least. His wife and kids are going away for couple of weeks in the summer and wants to go away with me but im worried that im going to come back feeling worse if we have a great time which im sure we will as have already had a couple of short breaks away together, and then when we come back, things just return to normal, with him going back home or maybe I should go away with him and then pull away from him when we get back.He really is a very genuinely nice person and not a player etc and we get on so well together and have lots in common.I had planned on trying to pull away from this relationship around summer time as that was my time limit but I dont know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.
View related questions:
affair, married man, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is a destructive relationship that you are involved in and nothing positive can really come of it. First you need to let go of this situation. I agree you shouldn't continue to be part of the deception. You should also try and understand yourself a bit better. You can do better. Second, he needs to take a long hard look at himself and figure out what is causing him to stray. He just can't go on like this. If he is a nice guy, I can only imagine he is feeling incredible guilt. Advise him to seek help. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Katy75 +, writes (16 June 2009):
Katy75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies. I think I just needed some outside advice and now Im going to do something about the mess I'm in.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Get out there with your friends and move away from him, he is bringing you down. You need to feel good in yourself again and deserve to be treated like a queen!
THINK MORE OF YOURSELF! Your only 35 and if you move away from him now then you will open up to new and exciting opportunities. Go out there and show your a girl worth having a relationship with!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): tell him to eat a lot of cheese, and stop masterbating so much. his penis is wearing out. also tell him to focus on you naked a bit more and quit watching too much of those magazines. maybe it might stand a chance to stand up more!!! this kinda thing can be sorted!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): "3 short affairs in that time ........He really is a very genuinely nice person and not a player " you actually make me laugh. is this a joke? well all i can say enjoy being the mistress for what it is, you have settled for second best and enjoy the lies and crumbs thrown at you. you are part of his deceit and will continue no matter what anyone here says. time to have a reality check- you are obviously in denial and delusional. you want to steal time to be with him while his wife and kids are away- he has just proven you are good for one thing only. you know that and have accepted it. so why cry. you will continue to be his *hore and nothing will change. FACT FACTS!
...............................
A
female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 OH PLEASE!!
What is the problem? This is a married man who is going to stay married. He is NOT going to leave his wife and kids.
He has had and ended 3 affairs and you are nothing but the 4th notch on his belt. If you decide to leave him, or if he decides to leave you there will be a 5th woman to take your place (if there isn't already one).
You want to settle for most weekends and a couple of weeks in the summer. thats sad. don't you want a man who is going to want you morning noon and night, every waking moment? not someone elses cheating, lying, no good husband. thats pathetic.
Get a spine, stand up for yourself and go get a man of your own.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Of course he's going to try and tell you it's not just about sex to him, for precisely as long that line works on you. Sounds as if you are still falling for it.
I'm not going to judge you as I made this same mistake myself once. I thought my guy was different at the time but of course he turned out to be like all the rest...so the question remains, how long are you going to let this guy give you the runaround? Because I promise he has no real intentions of leaving his family.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): "He really is a very genuinely nice person and not a player"
The above sentence and his actions are mutually exclusive.
HE needs to stop hurting his family and YOU need to stop being a part of that. This is all very wrong. Imagine what a role model both of you are making for his kids right now.
Do you have a daughter? What would you say to her if you found out she was having an affair with a married man?
He's been with three other women besides his wife and is somehow finding ways to make you feel special. Impressive, I guess... yet devious and disgusting.
At the end of the say, what does he need you for? A little fun. fling, and some sex, and then he's off to his wife who makes dinner and keeps their nice, furnished home clean. What does he need to leave her for? He can obviously get away with having mroe than one woman..
~SY.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jesshton +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Please don't subject yourself to this. If this man has been married for 20 years and has had 3 affairs with women other than you, then that should be some indication as to what he is looking to get out of your relationship. I know he is telling you that he wants to be with you...but he will never leave his wife. If he was going to, he would have done it already.
As the saying goes...if they cheat with you...they will cheat on you! Get rid of this guy and find someone who can totally commit to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, ohhellNo +, writes (11 June 2009):
you should watch all the Tyler Perry movies!!! 1. hes never going to leave his wife 2. hes going thru his midlife crisis and your dumb enough to sleep with him and sneak around knowing you know he has a wife so there is no secrets. 3. messing with married men is a sin and really stupid. because unfortunately Karma is a bitch so when you get married sorry so stop what your doing its a fling and fling can last long...all i can say is his family is number one you are not.
...............................
|
