A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband insists on having anal sex. Every time we've try, it's been very painful. Yet he keeps begging for it and makes me feel bad when I turn him down. What can I do?
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 May 2009):
 This is called emotional manipulation. If you don't want to do it, don't. Even if he makes you feel bad, just wait, and over time you will get this wonderful feeling called the power of No. You will feel more confident and more independent.
A
male
reader, Harry Castle  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 All agreed; it's ABUSE to force you to accept pain when you've made it clear you don't like the activity.
Molly4 suggests looking for ways to make it easier, if you actually do want to go along with it, and I have posted this reply before, so apologies to the regulars, but I'll repeat it here....
Anal CAN be as pleasurable as vaginal sex, because you have at least as many nerve endings up there: get it right and you will have an enduring pleasure....get it wrong and you will be put off for life!
That would be a shame, because it is a good sexual experience.
So, what do I mean by "right"?
VERY slowly.
VERY gently.
He MUST spend absolute ages opening you up with fingers and K-Y(*) first!
One finger....lube....twist slowly.....ease in and out....
keep going for long enough that you begin not to feel it at all...... then you are ready for two fingers.
Personally, I would spend at least an hour over that stage, maybe longer.... and then leave it at that for a day.
Next day, repeat all of the above, and twist and pump a lot.
Perhaps stop there, as you are quite young and tight?
Only when you are quite comfortable with things would I introduce my cock to your bum - and even then not right away....... you would need to be really relaxed; and the best way to achieve that would be for you to have a couple of clitoral orgasms first - your cum juice is ideal for lubricating your bum anyway!
Finger you off a couple of times, use your juice up your bum and SLOOOWLY put my cock in, a little at a time, backing off if it should feel tight.
The first part of your bottom will be very tight; it needs to be, to keep things in!
Once I had got past that and you felt ok with it, I could slowly and gently put all of my cock in.
You should have a feeling of "fullness", but no pain. This will give way to feelings of ever-increasing pleasure as you relax and my cock starts to pump in and out of you, very gently....... soon, you will be longing for more, for harder, for deeper - then you will be properly enjoying full-on anal sex!
Sorry to go on so much, but I would hate you to miss out on these joys by not getting "done" properly and having it wrecked for you forever.
The sensations of anal sex are hard for a bloke to describe, obviously, but I am told that once tasted, never forgotten - nor relinquished.
Let us all know how you get on, if you actually want to do this, or what you plan to do if you don't and he keeps abusing you.
Harry.
(*)
P.S. As you are American, you may not know what K-Y is.... it's a water-based lubricating gel, available at drug stores and probably supermarkets now.
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A
female
reader, molly4  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 Its simple: you need to tell him you are in pain. Even if it makes you feel guilty. You shouldn't have to participate in it if it is painful and unpleasurable for you. Perhaps try some other activities, or search the internet for ways to 'warm up' for anal sex.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): So lets get this straight. He knows something hurts you. He insists you still feel pain. When you tell him it hurts and you don't want to feel pain he makes YOU feel bad for your feelings. I bet you he does this over other things. Personally - and we can only speak our own opinions on this website - I would not feel any love AT ALL for a man that expected me (pressurised me) to feel physical pain that I did not want, just for his own pleasure. How awful. You are entitled to a life without being sexually abused in this way. Please please do not put yourself through it any more because it will (and probably is) affecting you more than you think. Say no and stick to it. If all he wants from you is anal sex then I'm sorry to say he is not worth an awful lot - and he cannot think you are either.
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A
male
reader, DoctorBeau +, writes (17 May 2009):
Your husband should not push you into anything you do not want to do or enjoy. Have you told him how painful it is? You need to have a conversation with him out of the bedroom, maybe over a cup of tea, as if you wait until the next time he is begging you to do it, his hormones will be driving him and he will not be thinking as rationally. I am presuming, given the choice, Anal sex is not an act you wish to continue? If it is, there are some was to try to make it easier.
Good Luck
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