A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A long story short. I met this girl in Germany over the summer (she's 19, I'm 30). Things were great, we really connected and enjoyed each others company. There was without a doubt love coming from both sides. We lived together for about 2 months before things began to fall apart. She became distant, started to go out drinking after work (to the point where she could barely stand.) She would often cry, and apologize but then within a day or two go and repeat the same thing. It ended with her telling me that things happened too fast between us and that she needs time for herself. The last night before I left I went to the bar where she was to say goodbye and that I want to keep contact with her. She said she would like that as well, but then soon after she became upset at me for something stupid I did. (I tried to call her mother (unsuccessfully) to ask for help about her destructive behaviour.) She said that she hates me, never wants to speak to me, etc. She then left the bar holding some guys hand and they walked to our apartment.She called me the next week crying and saying how sorry she is, and that she still loves me, misses me. I told her I feel the same and we agreed that we will give the long distance relationship a try.I spoke with her twice since I got back to the states, the conversations were good, but after the second call I haven't had any contact with her at all. I call and she either rejects my call or doesn't answer. My text messages go unanswered, no email, regular mail, nor does she call. What prompted her to cut off all contact with me? How do you go from a pleasant conversation one day to absolutely nothing? I try contact her from time to time, but feel worse each time I do because I get no response. I know I need to just leave her alone and move on (she probably did) but I want that closure. In my head everything is clear and I know what I need to do, but my heart doesn't want to let go like this. What is going on in her head? Will I ever hear from her again?
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female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (3 September 2009):
Age is what happening. She's young. She likes to drink. I know you're not foolish enough to think that she's only talking with you, right...she's talking to other men as well.
The best thing to do is just take it as a great experience and a memory. You had met a great girl in Germany and experienced love for awhile, you had a chance to live together, things had their ups and downs, but I'm sure you made a few stories to tell. And that's it. It's a part of life.
There's no long-term potential in that woman what so ever. If I were you, I'd cut off contact completely with her. If she wants to contact you, she knows where to reach you and if she does don't go chasing ASAP - don't seem too eager. But if I were you, I wouldn't wait for that contact, cause it may not happen.
Take it as an experience and move on, start meeting/dating women that are local to you. 19 isn' bad, but it's a bit unpredictable. I'd try to aim for that chick that's mid 20's, and not into the party scene. It may work out better for you.
Update me if things come up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I'm sorry you've been left feeling like this.
As you haven't known each other long, and you had moved too fast, you couldn't possibly know what her lifestyle habits are. Perhaps that is her regular thing, go out with friends and get stupidly drunk.
There is nothing wrong with that, but as you were living together and dating, then she could have been more sensitive to how you feel about that. Perhaps she knew you were moving too fast and panicked, and felt slightly trapped, or felt like she made a mistake by getting you moving in with her.
She may have been very drunk when she walked away with the other guy, but that is no excuse for her behaviour, and as she has said sorry, I guess she cheated and you're trying to put it behind you?
Either way, she was angry at the time and wanted to punish you.
Now that you've moved back home, she could either be thinking that she doesn't feel that much for you, she could be feel that the LDR isn't going to work, or doesn't want it to work, or could be feeling very guilty still for sleeping with the other guy.
She may have been putting on a facade when you had those conversations, as clearly she's not thinking along the same lines as you.
I suggest that, if you want to get closure, or at least get what you're thinking off your chest, then write her a goodbye email, or a voicemail. Explaining how you feel, what you're perceiving from her behaviour, and that if she doesn't reply then you will take it as a sign that she doesn't want to give the LDR a try, and that you will try to move on. If she doesn't reply, then you may not get the closure you need, but you would have at least tried your best at keeping in touch and making this work. If she replies, and it's not a good sign, then you may get the closure you need to be able to move on properly. Or (and it seems unlikely at this point) she may get in touch and explain her reason why and that she does want to give it a try, realising what she may be missing out on after reading your email/voicemail.
I hope, if this doesn't work out, then you can get the closure you need to move on. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Sounds like she cant decide what she wants, she probably has someone she likes for somereason in germany and because he is closer it levels him with you even if you are a much better choice in reality. I was in a situation like this once ended badly for me to be honest i would just move on if i was you, i didnt for a long time and it made me sick. Dont do what i did, she may very well come crawling back again eventually expect it, especially if her current relationship falls apart if this is truly the case as i feel it is.
Just dont put all your eggs in a unreliable basket, you will only get hurt more.
Good Luck
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