A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What is wrong with me?I am a successful female divorcee, who has had multiple relationships that just do not turn out. Recently I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years. I fell in love with him, but had reservations about some of his behaviors and his reputation with my friends made them all ask me if I was crazy for being with him.He always treated me well, too well, bringing me countless gifts, wanting to be with me all of the time, I felt a little uncomfortable. I did not date him in public, only a few times were we seen together.Recently we broke up, it was my doing. After being away from him for awhile, I realized how much I really did care for him and how much I missed him. I tried to reconcile our relationship, he was not willing to even try as he said it would be too painful for him.I can not stop missing him, I cry often and am down right miserable.We have been apart for 3 months, but it hurts as if we had just broken up.I fear I have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. What makes someone push away something good? How do I move on and away from this pain?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 Succesfull divorcee. Two terms that don't fit together. Divorce is never a success.
And might it be that because of your divorce you got scared of being to close to someone again? That all his attention felt smothering? That you were afraid of giving up the freedom of being your own person again after the divorce?
Life is rarely simple, we want to have our cake and eat it too.
Be single and free and have someone to come home to.
The grass is greener... you thought you would be better of being single when you were with him and now that you are single you think you would be better off with him.
But remember, you when you were with him, it didn't feel right. What makes you think that feeling has changed?
If you jump the fence to taste the grass on the other side, you would do welll to remember the old grass, to save you from leaping back and forth endlessly.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 Hmmm,
Not every issue is out in the open here! Why are your friends all against him? Why date while you are both not totally out in the open? Most friends would be pushing you towards him if he were on the up and up...
I have to tell you that a lot of your current feelings of regret are quite normal and that you SHOULD expect to feel this low after leaving him. Ultimately, at your age, you should be in charge of your own decisions about what it is you want and deserve in your own life.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the captain of my fate,
I am the master of my soul.
William Earnest Henley, 1875
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 I think you have two issues here. First of all your friends should never have any say in who you love or fall in love with. Its just plain none of their business.
Second, I think the fact that you rarely dated in public, might have given him the impression that you might have been ashamed of him.
It seems to me that he was being generous with his love, affection and gifts. But it also sounds like you neglected him enough that by breaking up with him, you sent a signal to him that nothing he will ever do will satisfy you.
Maybe that's not the message you wanted to give him, but if its this painful to you, imagine how painful it is to him.
I think also your ability to succeed is largely based on your ability to question. Hence, you said you questioned his behaviors and in that sense, it made him feel that he was not trusted enough. Without that trust, its very hard to keep the relationship going.
If he doesn't feel trusted, and he's neglected that pretty much tells him to go looking elsewhere. Perhaps he's looking for that someone that will trust him and give him the attention he needs.
Of course you didn't mention what his reputation was, or what his behaviors were. However, behaviors can be changed. I assume his reputation was based on these behaviors.
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