A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted a question yesterday and I guess I shouldve said that my husband's female friend wants to get a boob job and asked my husband his opinion. She comes to him to discuss problems in her relationship and get advice. They both make sure they both have one same class at uni. They met each other a month after my husband and I started dating. We got married within a year of dating. I'm supposed to finally meet her when the three of us go see a play for her class. I'm surprised she isn't bringing her bf. I told my husband how uncomfortable it is when they go to breakfast before class and I've never even met her. My question is what topics of conversation should be taboo against opposite sex friends when they both are in committed relationships? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Hun, trust your gut here. Your hb is hooked on her both emotionally and perhaps sexually now.
There are currently 3 people in your marriage and this is the a deal breaker.
FloridakatGirl had given you invaluable advice.
Have u decided what happens now? When is this concert?
Make wise decisions but don't be their fool any longer. Oh, and if u can take him to the cleaners.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Thanks for the update! It gives us more insight into the situation. So, it appears your husband is having an emotional affair with this woman and I wouldn’t be surprised if it has become physical. I would wonder if they are really meeting for breakfast or if this is an excuse for them to spend time alone together. He has mood swings when she ignores him or gets closer to him… this tells me he has fallen in love with her.Are you absolutely certain she has a boyfriend? If so, why isn’t he coming to the play? She may have had a boyfriend in the past, but I have to wonder if your husband is telling you this, so you won’t be concerned. Also, you didn’t say anything about texting… but I would be willing to bet they text each other on a daily basis. You said, “I know what I have to do, it's just hard to admit my marriage is really over.” Do you think the relationship is beyond repair? If I were you, the only way I would stay in this marriage is if he cut all ties with his woman and agreed to marriage counseling. This includes cancelling any classes he has signed up to take with her next semester. He is emotionally wrapped up in this woman and he won’t get over her unless he makes the effort to avoid running into her at all costs. If he refuses to cut her out of his life and go to marriage counseling with you… then you need to start looking into divorce proceedings. Do you have any children? Let us know how what happens when you meet this girl. Do you think you will try to make the marriage work or do you think it is beyond repair?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the great responses! I realize that I really do have to meet this woman. My husband actually doesn't tell me a lot of their conversations after I got upset about the comment she made about never being with an uncircumcised man. He told me that the boob job comment was just in passing, I know that their relationship has bordered on the emotional cheating side several times, his moods have fluctuated with her ignoring him or getting close. He told me that he broke it off for the summer for me and now they are closer than ever. I know what I have to do, it's just hard to admit my marriage is really over. He tells me I am the only one for him, yet he doesn't break it off or see what he is doing. I have never been concerned about any of his other female friends and I haven't met half of them. It really struck me when they planned to have yet another class together after he knows how uncomfortable I am.
Again thanks you guys for your insight.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Is your hb having an affair of sorts with his "friend".
They go to class together
They have breakfast every time they go to class
Do they also keep in contact during the week
Any phone calls as well
Any other communication?
What is alarming is the "time" he is investing in this woman. Ask him if would have a problem if u were investing so much time and effort in another man.
We all have friends of the opposite sex but at what level does it become inappropriate?
I have many male friends, we talk about almost everything. We sometimes go for lunch/breakfast but at no time have I ever invested in the frienship. So just depends on the extent of the friendship.
Maybe once u meet her and check her out can u deduce whether anything inappropriate is being said/done.
I am glad u are observant and glad u are questioning the extent of this friendship. If u do not safeguard your marriage no one else will
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 It depends on how long they have been friends, which isn't long. Now if they would have been friends since say childhood, then no topics are off limits..My best friend is a male and I talk to him about my marriage all the time, even sex. But I'm more of a liberal open minded person. Depends what kind of person you are.
Now, is your husband in the medical field? Maybe that's why she asked his opinion, or just wanted a trustworthy male opinion on a boob job. Since they haven't been friends that long, I say any topics revolving around sex and your marriage wouldn't be appropriate to discuss. Other than that, I say any other subject is fair game.
I think it's more of you're concerned about this female and her friendship with your husband. Also, your husband is sharing with you their conversations so there's nothing to worry about there. Keep an open mind about her, you're going to meet her for the first time then you can form your opinion about her.
It's perfectly normal for your husband to have friends of the opposite sex.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (21 November 2010):
I don’t think it is appropriate for a woman to be asking your husband what he thinks about her getting a boob job. That’s a question she should ask her own husband. Think about it… why would she care what your husband thinks, unless she has a crush on your man and wants him to find her sexually attractive? What was your husband’s response to her question?
I’m glad you spoke up and told your husband that his friendship with this woman is making you uncomfortable. How did he react? If your husband really cares about your feelings, he will distance himself from this woman. She is a classmate… and that is where the friendship should stay. He can talk to her in class, but the breakfast dates and personal advice need to cease.
From your post, I can’t say whether or not your husband is interested in this woman, but she does seem to have an interest in him. When you answer my questions above, it will give us better insight into how your husband feels about this woman.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 That's too hard to pin down... everybody's different.
Some partners (guys & girls) don't even allow their partner to have opposite sex friendships, so I imagine you'll get answers all across the board here.
I don't like taboo's personally... they're way too fun to discuss back and forth, if only for interesting conversations sake. Why have friends if you can't have a good convo with em?
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