A
female
age
36-40,
*sch99
writes:My brother had a roommate over the summer who I met the night before we left to go home. We had a good connection while at dinner, and he made an effort to understand more about what I was saying and the like. Nothing conclusive, but I felt this unexplainable attraction to him. And he seemed sad when he realized that I was not also staying there over the summer. Then I saw him for the first time again this year, and he had changed in some way. Maybe I didn't see the real him last year, but this new way of being definitely feels less authentic to me. But the connection has not been the same. Last year, I felt that he was open and interested in listening to others, but now he is a lot more closed off. I don't feel any warmth from him. We don't really interact when my brother's friends are together. I catch him looking at me when we're all together, but we don't get passed that. And I heard that he has a general dislike for women, and he himself said that he would prefer it is marriage was a sexual contract. Though he made that statement right after someone said it was a property contract. I just can't take either of those rumors/statements seriously. I just have this feeling that he's purposely closing himself off, but does not dislike women or prefer purely sexual relationships. He just seems off is all. Something is way off.We danced together at a party this weekend.Though he waited forever to ask me despite the fact that we had all just been hanging out at my brother's. He made an effort to dance really well, and even pointed it out. "See, I can dance well." As if I didn't think he could. He took me into a dip at the end of the song, and got pretty close. And we locked eyes later on for an extended period of time. But nothing conclusive. I saw him going into the dining hall, and he got there before me, scanned his card, but then doubled back to use the bathroom right when I came in. We said hi and exchanged brief pleasantries. A few minutes later I saw him at the salad bar, and we were really close. I smiled at him as I passed him, but he passed me and pointedly looked straight ahead without acknowledging my presence. What is this behavior? Should I just forget about him?
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female
reader, melanie0083  +, writes (17 September 2009):
 You need to find ways to build your confidence. Try to practice introducing yourself to strangers and try and hold their attention with interesting conversations It will help boost your confidence level and make it easier to be able to strike up a conversation with him during your class together.
A
female
reader, ksch99 +, writes (17 September 2009):
ksch99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses; they were really helpful. I joined a school team that he is on, but not only for that purpose.
I have difficulty not be cold towards guys I like as well. So, it seems we have the same problem, and I'm worried that that sort of behavior from both of us will ruin our chances.
I'm not bold enough to ask him out...yet. But I will continue getting to know him. He's alternately cold and warm to me. When I went to the team's meeting last week he got jealous when I was talking to this other guy to the extent that the other guy asked him if he was ok.
I'm afraid that I will give myself away, too. I think I need to wait a while before being too friendly, because we are both still really nervous. To the extent that I don't want to see him. That's not good, is it?
I should want it to work out if I like him, but instead it just brings me fear. And I think he is the exact same way.
He's 25, and I'm 21. Maybe he thinks I'm too young. But nothing has indicated that thus far. I think that's a mere insecurity of mine.
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A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (15 September 2009):
it sounds like he is really nervous...I have done that to people i liked and got me nervous. i didn't want to "blow-it" or seem too "obvious" and I would totally ignore that they are there. He doesn't seem like the confident type. Try testing him and ask him if he wants to go out with you sometime and get his number if he does. call him the next day with plans and ask if it's cool with him. Then you will have your answer. I know it takes guts, but how else will you know?
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 He sounds like he has issues with women and relationships.
He probably was hurt by an ex and is still suffering. He does seem to take a liking to you though.
Why don't you try contacting him more and get to know him. Keep it friendly though cause where he is so sensitive. Give him a chance, maybe you can heal his broken heart and chance his views.
If you are not up to it or you tried and you feel like it's not going anywhere then move on and find someone else. (Keep in mind that it will take a very long time for him to open up.)
Good Luck!
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