A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I have a question I'd appreciate your honest answer to.How many of you are truly happy in your lives? If so, what are your lives like and what's most important to you?What do you think the secret is to being HAPPY?How many of you feel like your life is really a sham, that despite everyone around you thinking you've got it good, deep down you're miserable?If outside influences didn't so greatly affect the decisions we make in our lives, how would you change yours?I am currently faced with the opportunity to take on a high stress, all-consuming job. The career opportunities that will stem from it are huge and it's really a chance to get my name out there. I'm SUPPOSED to be over-the-moon with excitement, yet all I can think about is saying goodbye to all the things I love. I don't want to lose who I truly am and the balance I have in my life. I don't want to give up those things that are most important to me, be totally consumed by work and wake up one day and realise my life's passed me by. Everyone else I know who works in these roles is utterly miserable - they're either drug addicts, chain smokers or alcoholics. I figure I'd rather stick with what I'm doing, albeit not the most satisfying job, but something that enables me to have a healthy work/life balance and spend plenty of time doing the things I adore.Anyways, would love to hear your thoughts. I love this anonymous site, where you can be TOTALLY honest with yourself and everyone else.Thanks
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 The secret to being happy:Keep your heart free from hate, your mind free from worry, live simply, expect little, give much, fill your life with love, scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others and do as you would be done by.Try this for a week and you'll be surprised!~Eve~
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (1 February 2011):
 hi
work to live - don't live to work. i LOVE my job, although it can be stressful and a pain in the a*s* at times! - but i sometimes think i would work there for free!
you seem to have serious concerns about this new job opportunity, it may earn you more money but the question is then: how do YOU feel about money? some people are more money orientated than others aren't they.
i am not. money is WAY down on my list of wants. as long as i have enough for what i need, i am happy and don't hanker for more and i think this attitude keeps me happy!
is your post just about work related happiness or general? you sound like the job you have got now is making you happy, maybe sometimes bored, or complacent but gives you peace of mind and plenty of time to LIVE YOUR LIFE too, so if you don't want to change that, don't let other people make you feel you should have to; just coz you CAN. working and spending your time with GOOD people is another ingredient in happiness pie i think
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I hope you don't take the job. I think if everyone involved in that work is miserable, chances are you probably will be too.
The secret to a happy life is appreciation, imagining your ideal self/ future and enjoying memories with your loved ones. This information comes from scientific studies.
To a lot of people success is happiness. Here's what you need for success:
passion
work (can be fun)
perfect practice
focus
to push through self doubt and setbacks
serve others
ideas- make connections, be curious, listen, observe, problem solve
Persist through CRAP
Criticism
Rejection
Assholes
Pressure
That comes from TED, where amazing people meet and share their success.
And last but definitely not least, never forget your sense of humour.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Hi
You are honest with yourself...and i think you know the answers already and true values....sometimes experiencing unhappiness reminds us of when life was simple and carefree. You see ahead so maybe you are already are happy, but On the other side...challenge!!! can this make you grow in some way??? not materialistic but inside.....comfort not always the best way.
Just stay 'true' to who you are! the fork in the road
....it's not WHAT we do....but HOW we do.....
Good Luck :) spunky monkey.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Wow! I've gotten some wondeful answers from some truly intelligent readers :) Thank you!The thing is, what you've said is echoeing exactly how I feel. I DO know the true meaning of happiness, but unfortunately I'm one of those people who greatly lets others make me believe I'm wrong. I wish I wasn't like that. The job I'm talking about, is being a newsroom reporter. I have the ability; it doesn't scare me; I know I can do it; but I don't actually WANT to. I'll be earning the same amount of money I am now, only working twice the hours. I'll be told what to write; how to write; where to write and how long I can take to write. I've been in that environment before. I know what it's like. The constantly long hours; the neverending stress and pressure; going home at the end of the day struggling to get to sleep, worrying about whether you got all the names in the stories right and no one's going to abuse you once it reaches print. I always felt I knew what the true meaning of happiness is, it's exactly what you described. In the past, I always enjoyed the simple things in life, without thinking about constant deadlines. I would be happy simply by taking a walk down the street, watching the birds and smelling the roses (so to speak). It sounds corny I know, but I don't want to lose that inner peace. When you find that you can just sit and BE and enjoy the simple things, you don't want to give that up for anything. It's a strength and most people simply don't know how to do that and therefore will NEVER find happiness, even, as you say, with all the money in the world.I currently run my own freelancing business which is starting to do well. Sure, I don't get the same story opportunities, but the turnover with my work is slower. I have more time to focus on what I love, the WRITING side and I can still balance everything else in my life. I find I'm MORE proud of what I create - enjoying taking the time to critique my own writing and learning new things myself, as apposed to just SLAPPING something together in a rush and hoping for the best. Since I've been freelancing, I've felt more relaxed in myself, rather than being hyped up on adrenaline 24/7. When I want to, I can take off for a swim, or a walk, or yoga, or something else I love. I don't have to worry about being called into the newsroom. I work the weekends and hold interviews, but on my OWN terms. I get to incorporate all the things I love and maintain a healthier, balanced life.You're all probably asleep now hehe. But I want you to know that you have helped confirm I'm doing the right thing by turning down this job. There is certainly more to life than CAREER STATUS. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I think happiness starts from yourself. Sometimes you have to take a step back and appreciate all the good things in your life, as it's easy to overlook them. Plus, you have to make time for the things that make you happy.. and do things in your life that you enjoy. And you need to do things that interest you so you don't feel like you live a boring life.
I don't think anyone's ever consistently happy as everyone has good and bad days. But the people who are generally happy are the ones who accept that not everything's going to be perfect in life but they enjoy the things they can, make time for the things and people they love, and just appreciate the good things in life.
I feel that the people in your life are more important than anything. You can be rolling in money and have a huge house and fancy cars, but if there's no-one to share these things with then you won't be happy. If you surround yourself with good friends and loving family, you'll feel loved and more happy, i think.
As for your career dilemma.. it's totally up to you! Could you take the job and then leave it if you're not happy? And if you leave it, will you be able to go back to your old position, or will you not have a position waiting for you? I can tell you're really doubtful about taking this new job, and you sort of want someone to tell you not to take it. If you don't think you'll be happy, don't go for it, I mean if you think you're going to be overly stressed and unhappy.. for me personally, it's not worth the money. But everyone places a different value on career - for example, some people want their career to be their main focus in life, other people are more set on finding a partner and marriage being their "goal" in life. Hope I'm making sense.. but I'll end it here before I ramble on forever. I hope that whatever you choose to do, you're happy and find fulfillment in every area of life.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Very good question :)
First off…Life is very simple no matter what anyone says. We are the ones that make it complicated.
I have problems in my life too, just like anyone else…but I am also 97% happy every day. The 3% is when someone who is miserable tries to put me in their mood. So, for a few moments I maybe upset. But I never hold to it and I am back in my good mood in no time.
True happy starts with you. Not from the outside…what you are wearing, what you look like, your body shape or size, your hair, money, car, boyfriend, and so on.
People will hate you not matter what…the more happy you are, the more they will hate you. But that is why you stay happy…because misery loves company, and they can not stand to be around happy people, so they will stay away from you. :)
Why am I happy every day??? Well… I woke up for start ? I can type, read, and even answer your question. I can walk, talk, love, see, and enjoy this world and the people in it. I have job, and a place to sleep, food, clothes…and the ability to use them all without the help of others. So what reason do I have to spend my days miserable???
How do I change my life… First and foremost…I LOVE!!! Me and everyone around me. Even the miserable people. Next, what do I want for me 3 years from now? Where do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be? And when I die…How do I want people to remember me? Would be it I am glad is gone, or, I am sure going to miss him.
No matter how consuming your job is…If you do not find time to appreciate the simple things your already have for free, life will always be miserable for you. No job can consume you if you love yourself and just love life. Be the best you can at your job, but be the best you can to yourself and others. What’s the point of work hard if you can’t enjoy your hard work. :)
When was last time you look up at the stars, or enjoyed the beauty of a full moon. Have even admired the beauty of a spider wed? The beauty of kids laughing, or the colors of the sky at sun rise or sun set? You may think this is all hog wash…But if your life passes you by and you have not enjoyed these free beauties…A consuming job is the lease of your problems.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I'm not sure there's a secret to being happy since being happy is such a vauge term. You can be content by looking around you and seeing how screwded up the rest of the world is compaired to you but happy might be hearing a funny joke while you're almost drunk. "Eyes of the beholder". Don't worry be happy[right]. I think the absence of worry might be the closest thing to definition of being happy. So, Don't worry about how to be happy and you might be.Zen-like answer I know but that's how I think these days.
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A
female
reader, AnnieLuck +, writes (31 January 2011):
If happiness were a secret, I'm sure somebody out there would have discovered it by now! They'll tell you its good health, wealth and the perfect union with another. Unfortunately if we all had these three elements running through the course of our lives, what a very strange and utterly boring and 'perfect' world we would live in. The truth to being 'happy' is not in the word but in your soul. After forty years of searching for so called happiness I believe it's inside, and not outside. When I started to look inside I found it there, and it doesn't always hang around! Life is a challenge. Sorting out problems and issues and finding your inner peace can take years and years. Only when you sit down one day and say ' I can take anything life throws at me.' That's when I believe you have discovered the tip of happiness.As for you work situation, it's a balancing of scales - needs versus desires. Look inside your heart and place yourself in both contexts, where do you really want to end up. Who do you really want to be? No-one can tell you what to do and whichever you choose may well be the wrong path, but you must try to focus on what you think you want out of life and take that path without being afraid of the outcome. You'll be stronger and wiser for it! Hope that helps somewhat :) Annieluck x
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A
female
reader, auntieloulou +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I don't really know what the secret to happiness is, and I doubt anyone does! however i believe happiness comes from within. i believe you are most happiest when you are happy just being you and being comfortable with yourself. obviously family, friends and partners help or hinder our happiness too. i think you know what you want to do; you want to stay in the job your in. some people are driven by success in their careers, they want to be earning the most, have the biggest name out there and be the best at their jobs, and some don't. i fall into the latter. i think that as long as you are in a job that you are happy with, you can handle what it throws at you (whether it be major stressful or not) and the money is sufficient to your lifestyle then you are fine. i think your happy as you are, though tempted by the amazing offer. theres more to life than money and work, and you seem to know this. i have always made my own decisions, and though its not always made everyone around me happy, they all know it was for the greater good. i try not to be influenced by others, but we're all human and can't help that. i don't think i am 100% happy in my life as yet, but i know what i want and i know what i have to do to achieve it. my life is not career orientated; once i have left work i can switch off and enjoy time with my partner. if you feel that taking this job will benefit your happiness, go for it. if not, think again. you only live once, make the most of it!!!!
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