A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know my question seems a little bland and broad, so let me try to rephrase... How old should a couple be when they get engaged for the first time? I am 18, currently and proudly dating a soon-to-be Marine. He hasn't been home for a few months. He's 21. We've been dating for a while now and estimate that we'll be dating for another two or three years until we get engaged. We're both totally okay with this, but I'm wondering how other people view it. Is 20-21 too young to be engaged? I believe that if the two are in the right mind and have been dating long enough to know that they get along and are really happy, it's fine! Please, I don't need any responses like "it won't last" or "you're too young to know that you'll still be together blah blah" that won't help me any! I am 100% confident in our relationship and we're taking it easy, I'm just curious as to how the rest of the world would view this. :)
View related questions:
engaged Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for the thoughtful answers! I was a little hesitant to check back at the answers but was pleasantly surprised to see that most everyone agreed with me.I should have added that we wouldn't actually be getting MARRIED for a long time. We want to get engaged in the near future ( a couple of years) but have made it clear witheach other that marriage won't happen until funds are available! Dorothy Dix, your answer was very nice! I really loved the last part and I'm glad that people are able to get the hint that we are quite serious. :) We have considered all of these things before he left. We aren't sure how much he'll be getting towards housing, but we know that when he is home from boot camp he'll have a few thousand to put away and he'll get free schooling for the rest of his college. After that, he was told he would get a substantial amount towards housing so I can only hope that with two incomes and the aid from the Marines, it would be enough for a simple apartment. :) Xearo, I definitely know what you mean! Some couples out there (for example, my friend...) date and know that they don't truly like each other. This particular couple is in extreme denial (I mean, come on, they both have periods where they'll talk to other people!) yet they're planning on getting engaged very soon. To that, I say "shaking my head"! Thanks for your response! :)CMMP, yeah that's our opinion, too. Dating under two years and getting married isn't a good idea in my book! I know that deployment SUCKS, but what can a girl do? If you can put yourself in the guy's shoes (say they're in the Army, Marines, Navy, whatever) as another guy... it's hard for both ends, but wouldn't it be nice to have a wonderful girl who you know you can trust at home for you? I know they have those ridiculous "Army Wives" shows but in my opinion, if a girl or guy cares that much about his S/O, they will be able to deal with the months apart no matter what! So far it has only been two months but I could deal with as many as it would take! R1, thanks haha I don't really plan on getting divorced at all but I see where you're coming from! Trust me, I hear stories from my man about the other guys. He's also a firefighter,and they're known for cheating as well. I'm confident that he wouldn't do anything stupid like that, but I know some girls aren't as lucky! So_Very_Confused, that's comforting to know - I'm actually hoping my mother gets engaged/married again soon. :P
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I was engaged at 21
I was also engaged at 36
I got engaged again at 44
and one last time at 52
in other words
whatever age works for you is fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 The right age to get engaged? Whenever you like! You are over 18 so you don't need anyone's permission and divorce is common these days so its not like it has to be forever.
Shame he's a marine though, you must know they have a really bad rep for cheating. Good luck though :)
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 February 2013):
Your reasoning is perfect: when you've been dating long enough to know you get along is a great start. Love is important, but compatibility just as much so.
My opinion is that you shouldn't get married until you've been together at least 2 years.
Not related to your question, but I want to mention that getting married to a man that will rarely be there is HHHAAAAAARRRRDDD! I've seen multiple couples who really loved each other buckle under that kind of pressure.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (18 February 2013):
a couple should only get engaged once, and you should take ur time. if something seems to good to be true it usually is.
...............................
A
male
reader, silencer702 +, writes (18 February 2013):
well let me tell you something,,im 28 and my wife is 20..we been together for two years and we have 2 beautiful kids..so what im trying to tell you is..if you guys are in love just go for it..lol
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 February 2013):
I could look at some couples and say to them, 21 is too young and I can look at you and say, why not tie the knot already. I am very open minded when it comes to these matters because there is no right and wrong answer. I think if you have those sort of feelings, eg 100% confidence then by all means go for it! I hope you two tie the knot soon and live an amazing life together.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 February 2013):
Hi there. There is no right or wrong when it comes to when to get engaged.
It really only matters about how you both feel towards each other.
It does sound like you are fairly happy, so that's a good thing.
Because he is in the marines, I am guessing that he has to go away for long periods of time each year, is that right?
And when you are thinking about getting engaged, you will also be needing to think about the longer term - buying a house, when to have children, etc., things like that.
And when the time gets closer you will have to start having this discussion with him, just to be absolutely sure you both want the same things.
It is clear, that you both want to get engaged, so it's obvious, that you both want marriage as well.
So it's a positive thing that you both think the same way, regards the future.
And as you have stated here already, it's probably not going to happen for another 2-3 years anyway, which gives you both plenty of time to plan it all financially.
I am of course, talking about saving up for a deposit for a home loan.
Although, being in the marines, would he be given a place to live where you only pay so much rent each week?
At any rate, as it gets closer, he can speak to the people in the marines headquarters to arrange all this type of thing, and find out what he is eligible for.
People get married, when they are completely sure there is nothing else they would rather be doing - like travelling, for instance.
And not to mention, people marry when they know there is no-one else in the whole world they would rather be with, and they want to be with that person ONLY, for the rest of their life.
It's something you both know in your heart, without any doubt.
You will both know when the time is right.
...............................
A
female
reader, DeliriousOne +, writes (18 February 2013):
"I believe that if the two are in the right mind and have been dating long enough to know that they get along and are really happy, it's fine!"
I think you answered your own question. Great mentality. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): I personally feel as though age is not a big deal if you're truly in love with the person and have been together long enough to know each other well. I do think that when your under the age of 18 and plan on getting married that it can be more impulse then genuine love. You seem mature enough and have been together for long enough that society should not frown upon your decision to be engaged. Best of luck in the future!
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Well I think you've got the right idea. As you say, if you know you're happy with each other and you know how to solve problems with your significant other if they arise and you just feel ready and feel like you could stay with your partner through thick and thin, then there isn't a time that is more right. It doesn't matter how old you are (unless you're underage, then you can't get married anyway :P). Personally I feel like I won't be ready for marriage till I'm older than 25 but that's just me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): There is no generic age as to when people should get engaged. My fiance and I got engaged at 21 after 6 years together. It was right for us. There was some speculation, but who cares, as long as you're both happy? That's all that really matters. Also, just because you're engaged doesn't necessarily mean you'll be married right away.
Don't let anyone annoy you by telling you you're "too young". Sure in our parents day it was normal to be married by 17!
...............................
|
