A
male
age
41-50,
*onfused7478
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years. We have been living with eachother for almost that entire time. She is a kind soul, and a perfect match for me in almost every way - a soul mate. I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Through our relationship, there has been much struggle. Joblessness on her part, issues with her children from previous marrige (we see 2 of them every second week and a 16yr old lives with us) and most recently some weight gain and a heart attack. We aren't sure what brought on the heart attack, but it has now kept her housebound for close to a year. There are other complications as well that keep her from working now and she is % 100 reliant on me financially. For the past 2 years - possibly a bit longer, there has been no intamacy between us. Maybe sex once a year, possibly twice and we have resorted to living on separate floors of our home (before it was just separate bedrooms, different floors now due to the new house layout). No real affection in that way at all, a kiss here and there for goodnight or goodmorning, but that's the extent we vocally tell eachother our love. Medications and her diziness have now completely killed any chance of the possibility of a sexual relationship - and I also believe a good amount is due to her just not loving herself. She has also just recently said she isn't interested in anymore children. I don't have kids, but would like one very much. We have been in so many arguments over the intamacy aspect its rediculous, from wasted gym memberships to wasted excersise equipment to address the weight issue, the frustration has come to a head. The other night I was at a work function and got way to drunk. I hungrily made out with a coworker from the party and immidiately ended the relationship with my girlfriend. After ending the relationship, I went out again with my coworker for her birthday, met her entire family and closest friends and convinced them that I was going to be good for her. Afterward, we made love 4 times through the night. I received an email from my ex, whom I still live with and support saying if I had moved on so quickly she would be ruined. I immediately returned home, tired hung over and sick to my stomach to confess my intentions with someone else. She said she would never date again and was devastated. Hurt and confused I begged her to try and see us as friends in the future - I still love her so much. Am I being completely selfish? My ex says there were more things we could have tried, but we have for so long...The new relationship I'm I involved in provides me physical affection that I thought I'd die without. She also wants kids. I'm scared confused and could really use some advice!
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 This woman needs to focus on herself. She is gaining weight and having heart attacks and what not. I understand that she is under a lot of strain and what not. However, if she is not willing to make the necessary changes to even LIVE, then there can be no life! Honestly, keeping her barely alive is what is going to kill her.Enabling her condition is going to be the cause of her demise.She will be in pain in the short term. She will be sad.However, once she hits that point where she bottoms out, she will pick herself back up.She will become a strong woman that can in fact change her ways, lose that weight, regain the life force that we all initially have, and get back on top of the world.It is her choice. You being there for her the way have been is nice and shows your true great character, but it is also something that is stopping her from making her choice.Pursue the relationship you just got into.
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