A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:if a woman suggests sexual activity to most any man, he's willing, probably eager, and more than likely thrilled. If most any man suggests the same to a woman, she'll say no, probably be offended, and very likely will decide that he's a shallow jerk, regardless of whatever interests and attitudes he might have.(keep in mind i'm a virgin, im 18, and premarital sex is against my religion, this is just for curiousity purposes) i have several questions, but 1st of all, sex feels great, so why arent girls as willing as men to dive right into the bed with any guy? i find 80% of the girls i see attractive, and i'd be extremely tempted to hop in the sheets with any of them if they ever mentioned it. (im a guy, the urge is uncomprehendable regardless of my beliefs) why dont girls have sex with random guys? secondly, do girls get horny/aroused at random times? and if they did, would they want to have sex if they could? or just ignore it? i say this because when men are aroused they arent thinking clearly and their mind desires 1 thing only. lastly, men are aroused by seeing, and women are more turned on by feeling and emotions, but is the sight of a penis arousing to any of you? erect or non?
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female
reader, scythe  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Hey Kid,
Interesting questions.
I can't speak for all women so I'll comment on my own experiences.
I find that I am not easily turned on. When I was single, I would go three months at a time until I felt a strong urge to masturbate. This is my base level of arousal... not very high.
Now I've been in a relationship for 3 years. For many months I did not physically enjoy sex but I did get a high from seeing my boyfriend so aroused. Then we started experimenting and I do orgasm but I am still not crazy about sex.. would rather snooze! I rarely have the physical arousal level to initiate sex, but I still do initiate it for his sake.
So for me, if I was single again, I would not want to jump in bed with random guys as I don't crave it (I don't become aroused much) and because sex itself usually doesn't feel that amazing for me. It would be way easier for me to just have a fiddle to reach an orgasm than to find a decent guy, bring him home, have sex, clean up, awkward goodbye etc!
The sight of a penis, hard or soft is not particularly arousing by itself. Looking at porn does pique my arousal, or watching my partner masturbate would too.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 what's the old saying:"Women need a REASON to have sex, men just need a place"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): "What is the mind of a woman like?" - are you kidding?
Most women would say they have no idea, so how can a man know!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Personally, the thrill of sex only comes to me if I'm attracted to the guy.
I am put off guys who dive straight in to asking for sex, because I'm not aroused by them. Most guys make no effort to attract the attention of the woman. They just dive in. And then when it comes to sex, they tend to forget that foreplay is essential. Without foreplay, the chances of the woman orgasming is much less. He'll, guys could try to give their girl an orgasm before or after sex if they think it's not happening during sex.
Women can randomly get aroused, but I doubt it's to the same extent as men. The reason men sleep with so many women is an adaptation of our ancestors. Sleep with as many women as you can and you will spread your seeds quicker. For women, they slept with many men, for protection of their children. If the father is a possible five men, you have safeguarding.
In ways men are so easy to arouse. But they generally lack in the department of passion and imagination. A woman is aroused by feelings and emotions, and imagery that she creates in her mind. She can see things happen, and I know when I imagine a scene, I can feel it. For me the feel of an erect penis is a turn on. When it's on my man anyway. Seeing his arousal triggers my own, but feeling it turns me on even more.
I know it's a womens magazine, but you should read the sex and love section of: http://www.cosmopolitan.com
There are great articles to answer your questions :)
Not to knock men. All women are different, we have differing libidos, differing tastes, differing shapes and sizes...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Sex is actually not "great " per se. If the mere act of introducing some object in your vagina were a sorce of authomatic bliss, women would love their check -ups at the OB/GYN (they don't ) , would not dread being raped,and would interrupt meal preparations every time they come across a cucumber or zucchini.
Actually, having sex with a man you are not attracted to ( make that, very attracted ) can go from boring to disgusting to downright painful ( if there's no lubrication ). To enjoy sex, a woman needs to be turned on by the person, not by the penis, which is not much to look at. While all men have a penis, not all men will be attractive to a woman, and not all men will be able to trigger a physical, biochemical response in her. In lack of which, much better to resort to good old masturbation .
(That , beyond and beside the fact that women are much much more inclined to associate sex with feelings and emotions.)
We are just wired a bit different. Men have much much higher levels of testosterone, and that makes easier to trigger in them a biochemical response of excitement/desire, making much higher the number of women they would accept to have sex with.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 April 2011):
 A number of your basic assumptions are wrong. Nothing to be ashamed, many men much older than you have the same assumptions. Best to get them out in the open and work to correct them.
It can be very helpful to have some accurate generalizations of the gender. Always be ready to adjust them for any particular women, but until you get that extra intelligence, it's safe to assume a few simple things.
"If most any man suggests the same to a woman, she'll say no, probably be offended..."
Well, yes, for 90% of guys. For the men they're most attracted to, most girls will let it slide. Hopefully this includes their boyfriends.
However, the attitude behind this is wrong. It comes close to imaging women as being less sexual than they really are. They're plenty horny, and they like sex. A lot of them like really kinky stuff - provided it's with a guy who they're very attracted to and, preferably, very comfortable with.
"so why arent girls as willing as men to dive right into the bed with any guy?"
It goes back to evolution. Basically, for cavepeople, it costs a man nothing to attempt to reproduce; a woman having sex is on the hook for several years before the kid can even be left alone for a little while. A man could theoretically have hundreds of kids; a woman only gets a few tries, relative to that. Women like sex as much as men, but they are programmed to be much, much more selective.
This is part of the basis for the oft-cited societal double standard. However, don't misunderstand it. A man doesn't rack up 100 notches because men like or respect man-whores, he does it because women do (or at least 100 of them do, anyway, which is certainly enough).
"why dont girls have sex with random guys?"
They do, just not every random guy. They can afford to be selective. If you're in the top 5% or 10% of guys in terms of attractiveness (which is related more strongly to confidence, dominance, and social savvy than to looks), you get your pick of women - and very little incentive to settle on any particular one. So you get a lot of women pursuing the same small number of guys, and the rest trying to get the second-most attractive group of guys.
Don't get too focussed on that top bracket, though. There are tons of quality, discerning women out there with a good grasp on reality and a strong desire for a decent guy, even if he's not the single most attractive guy alive.
"do girls get horny/aroused at random times?"
Yep. One day, when you have a girlfriend, if you treat her right, you may get random calls/texts/visits mentioning it.
"and if they did, would they want to have sex if they could? or just ignore it?"
Depends on the situation. Assume we're talking about single girls. Mostly, it depends on what their friends are doing - if all their friends appear to want to go out and sleep with a random (attractive) guy, they'll tag along at the very least. If none of their friends are acting on it, they'll generally surpress it.
"women are more turned on by feeling and emotions..."
Yes, but if you think that means supplicating, wooing, lavishing romance, and so forth, that's not it. They're turned on by the thought of being with a great man - one who fits the socially dominant, savvy type I mentioned before.
So when women say they like being in a committed relationship, they mean it... but that means they want it with the right guy. Simply being male and offering a committed relationship will not earn you points (and in fact can come across as creepy if you have not already aroused their interest). When they say they want romance, they do... again, from the right guy. Offering romance before winning her affections can be a turn-off.
The solution is to be that guy they want, earn their attraction, *then* work for their affection.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Okay...first off we woman aren't to be stereotyped. Not all women are like that. Many are not willing to dive into bed like that, for many reasons. For one, we don't want to get pregnant. Two, many women care about emotions and relationships, and arent looking for just a hookup but instead a boyfriend and commitment. I for one, would never have random sex with a guy unless I loved him. You sound a little stereotypical by saying that a woman will be offended and call the guy a jerk. However true in many forms, there are always those women out there who are completely willing as a man. Also, not all men are willing to have sex either. It really depends on the individual. As for getting horny, I would think it depends on the individual, again. Feelings and emotions arent always what turns a woman on. Seeing can turn a woman on as well. It alll depends my friend.
In essence, women are complicated. :p Hope that helped.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 April 2011):
 nope @ penis question.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Well one, Sex does feel good, but most men don't know how to please a girl. In one night stands, hell in a lot of relationships, we barely get an orgasm. We also risk getting pregnant, attatched.
It's more likely for a woman to get HIV from a man, than for a man to get HIV from a woman. Generally the effort is not worth the gain.
Yes we get horny at random times, but a lot of us aren't going to go out and have sex with some random guy.
Penis isn't really an erotic sight for a lot of us.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Haha I ask myself this a lot too.
Women are generally FAR FAR more attractive then the majority of men. Seriously, you would say yes too 80% of women because of the amount of time and effort they put into looking attractive.
Whereas men don't care as much about how they look, so most women aren't as attracted to us. Therefore when a man asks for random sex, the women is most likely to say no probably because hes just one ugly f**k
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): There's this double standard in society: Guys that have multiple sexual partners are looked upon as "heroes," whilst girls who hook up with multiple guys are labeled "sluts." Women, therefore, take it as an insult to their honor when propositioned by random guys.
It's NOT cool to have sex with just anyone, and it's commendable that you realize the importance of waiting. I don't know if I'm saving sex for marriage but I am certainly not gonna have sex with just anyone. I've never had sex to be honest, and I would like to experience sex, but unfortunately the right person hasn't come along.
Women want the security of a committed relationship... for women sex is very emotional. I want to be sure that a guy is gonna be around for awhile before I have sex with him.
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