A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is an organisation for former porn actresses called Pink Cross. These women now won´t have sex any more before married. The question is: Would you have married a former porn actress if you knew she had quit porn and now take distance from this industry and tries to help other girls out? How willing are we to forgive and let people have a new start?A concervative European boy
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): If her past is in the past, then she won't have any traumatic experiences in her mind left over from it. She won't have anything in the bedroom that she won't want to do because it reminds her of bad experiences, etc. That's the way it should be if you marry a former porn actress, all the benefits and none of the drawbacks. Are we ready to be realistic now? A history of something like the porn industry usually does not leave a person unscarred. I would agree that scarred people deserve respect and happiness as much as anyone else, but it's absurd to act like there's no reason to be cautious about getting involved with this type of person. It's just common sense.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): The issue was in a way brought up earlier here:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/whats-wrong-with-being-sexually-conservative.htmlAnd I then took part in the discussion. But I did not then know that there actually is a movement of former porn stars trying to live a new life and even wanting to marry a husband and be faithful to him. Will they be able to find such a man or is the "retroactive jealousy" a too strong factor in human psychology?No, I only asked the question in general, have never met a former porn actress myself, so I do not know how I would have reacted. Thank you all who have shared your thoughts.The conservative European guy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): The past is the past. Dont judge her for what she was. Judge her for what she is.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (21 April 2011):
Are you saying that you married a woman who used to be in porn, and now she helps others get out of it? If I were you, I would obviously love my wife.. as otherwise I wouldn't have married her. I would support her, and see her for who is is today. Probably a wonderful, caring women who is doing good in the world. But, if I were a single guy and started dating a women who announced she used to be a porn star, no way I would want to take things further. Accept the present for what it is, and build on having a great future together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): first and foremost, you say "forgive." she hasn't done anything that you have the right to feel entitled not to "forgive" her for. it's her life, and her right to make those choices. everyone has a past, and it has nothing to do with you. i think that's a very high and mighty attitude to have.
that being said, i believe everyone makes life decisions whether right or wrong, and it's not up to us to judge people for them. at the time it may have been what she thought she wanted. and she may regret it now, and she may not. regardless, it's apparently not what she wants now. and even going out of her way to try to prevent others from going down the path she did. seems to me she's a changed women. who are you to judge her for her past? are you perfect?
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I'd certainly be willing to be friends, talk to her, work with her, or otherwise treat her as a human being. But not date her, sleep with her, or marry her.
Partly, this is due to my aversion to meaningless sex (I've only ever had sex in long-term relationships, by conscious choice). I'd allow any woman I dated to have a few flings or one-nighters in her past, we're only human, but there are some mistakes (particularly long-term ones like a career in porn) which indicate fundamental emotional problems which I simply do not want to deal with. I can hope with all sincerity she finds someone great, without being that person myself.
The past is the best predictor of the future. People change, but people also relapse, and there are some risks I just don't want to take.
Now, I've never fallen in love with a promiscuous woman (paid or not), so I couldn't say with any authority how I'd react to belatedly discovering her past. Given my convictions, probably leave and feel terrible about it, but I don't know. I do know I wouldn't knowingly start such a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Porn is definitely very degrading, but everyone has a past and that includes mistakes. We've all made them. What's important is her perspective on life now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Interesting, no one wants to forgive those men who have had sex with these porn stars or Escorts or whatever you call it! Do you know them? No. everybody just know these poor women! People change I truly believe in this. I know somebody who was working as an escort until one night, she said I felt like being attacked by animals that get part of me and go, I disgusted myself and something changed inside me. She stared going to school again she has her master’s degree now and works as a social worker; she is married and has two kids and this story comes back to 20 years ago that is mean she has really changed. Don’t judge people, always give them a chance to prove themselves. In young ages kids make a stupid mistakes and unfortunately when they are aware of it is almost too late but I admire people who come back and change their life....Think about yourself, take a look back is there anything that you have done in the past and now you regret it that I wish I didn’t do it? I do myself ………...give her a chance
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 April 2011):
 In a way, I'd think that an ex-porn star would be more loyal to you because she's developed a serious aversion to sleeping around. Given that she really doesn't want to feel "used", she would stay with the man who loves her.
Also keep in mind, she was using her body in an industry. It was all business and no emotion. She did what she did for money, not for love. It's not like she went to a bar and whored it up with everyone she met. It was a business.
There's nothing to forgive in her unless she cheats on you after you two start dating. Her past is her business if you decide you want to date her.
As far as "emotional scars", I don't think they'd take the same shape as women who merely sleep around. She wasn't emotionally damaged and chasing after a need of male companionship. I'm guessing she needed to pay bills and got into the industry for money. It's possible that drugs could have been a factor in needing the money, but then again, if she's a porn star and not a prostitute, it was probably on her own terms.
Ever wonder what those porn beauties did after porn? Do they go to some island because though most men indulge in porn, they wouldn't touch those women with a 10 foot pole when it comes to a relationship, provided there are no current diseases or drug addictions.
Porn stars only need forgiveness if the men who watch porn and get off need it more. In truth, these porn women deserve thanks. Heh.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Despite the fact that I am also sexually conservative, yes, I would potentially date or marry a former porn actress if she had truly changed and distanced herself from the industry. It's very hard to change--and if a woman who has been through that actually turns around and changes her life and views then she is a very strong and admirable person, and would get my respect.
I said "potentially" above because it does depend on the person and their emotional scars. Even if the person changes (and I do believe it is possible because I have seen people like this), the emotional scars are heavy. I don't know how I would deal with that being brought into a marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): I would not get married to a former porn star. It's not so much that I would think she is a terrible person or anything, but I do know I would not be able to get it out of my mind. That might be a fault on my part, but the reality is that I just couldn't do it.
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