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female
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*ysungoddess
writes: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. 2 months ago, he ask me to marry him, and we became engaged. For a couple of reasons, he decided and I now agree, that we aren't ready for that "next step". Therefore, we have taken a step back and cancelled the engagement/wedding. I am now @ the point of redefining my role as his "committed, serious girlfriend" vs. "fiancee" and he has ask me bluntly "What are the differences? - List them". In his eyes, the only thing that should be different is that we don't discuss marriage and I don't wear a ring. I don't feel the same. To me, a serious girlfriend is ALOT different than a fiancee. Can anyone help me out on this one? Thanks!
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male
reader, Stop n Think +, writes (9 September 2005):
If you have planned a marriage you cant be a girlfriend - any more than my wife can be. There is a commitment. If he considers you a girlfriend or serious girlfiend or fiancee he is juggling his commitment and he has another plan in his head. If you are demoted from fiancee status to serious girlfiend its probably because he has another on test for the fiancee status or perhaps that the question is not fiancee but finance. If it is the latter, he is a realist. If the former he is jerking you around and beware.
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (9 September 2005):
Does your boyfriend believe in marrige? That is the question. Going steady is like an unoffical engagement.
In other words you are commited to staying faithful to each other and getting to know each other intimately, but it is usually not marked by anything in particular and is generally a private affair shared maybe with best friends and imediate family.
Being engaged is doing that same thing but it's official. The occasion is usually marked by a special event or party and it is often announced officially to friends and extended family. It is also usually marked by a ring which the woman traditionally wears and shows off to let everyone know that she is officially engaged to be married. Marriage often happens within three years of the event. It would be difficult to go back and unannounce an engagement. Its a bit of a cunundrum!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): You are right...normally, the "serious girlfriend" phase of a relationship is the prior, subsequent position that comes just before the "fiancee" phase. A ring and a promise to commit to one person through marriage means one is a "fiancee". The "serious girlfriend" tag means you love each other but there is no promise of marriage. It simply means you are dating each other exclusively and are remaining true to each other. So yes, until such time you both decide to commit further with the promise/ agreement of marriage and a ring, you are no longer his "fiancee". You are his "serious, committed girlfriend". Hope this helped...best wishes
Hugs,
Irish
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