A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I met a girl back in November. We went out a few times and slept together then I didn't see her for two months but we stayed in require contact with one another. I asked her a few times in that space of time if we were finished but she told me to stop worrying and that everything was ok and had nothing to do with me, more that she couldn't feel that she trusted anyone. We finally met up again yesterday it felt very scary seeing her again because I didn't know how it was going to be. It went ok and she seemed happy to see me as I was seeing her. We went for a walk then to my place where I made her dinner and we sat and listened to some music and watched somethings together that we were both really interested in. She did make the point that she had to get back as she was staying with her friend. She did stay until the early hours it was almost light. Before she left she asked if I wanted to see her again and I said of course and said good. She also asked did it bother me that she was staying with her friend and I said no it had nothing to do with me. I almost regret not saying it did because I am puzzled by why she had asked that after what I was about to find out. As I walked her to the station I asked her if what we had was gone now and she said that she didn't want anything with anybody right now as she felt it's not what she needs right now, then she muttered like she was unsure by what she had said. Then she said she felt we should be friends but good friends because she didn't want it to be a relationship and if it didn't work and that we would not talk to one another again. She said the friendship is more important and we must have that before anything else. She got on the train and kissed me on each cheek then on the lips, that confused me again. I went home and I was totally devastated. I waited up then sent her a short message asking if she got home safely, she replied and said she did and thanked me for the gift I gave her. I didn't reply, was that the right thing to have done? What should I do? I feel that maybe I should not have asked all these things so soon as we hadn't seen each other after a couple of months, maybe I put her on the spot a bit here? What can you make from all this? We were very intimate the last time we were together things were fine, maybe they still are and I've worried too much? I asked her these questions because she didn't try to kiss or hold my hand this is one thing we always did but she did keep making fixed eye contact.Many thanks for reading thisx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): I didn't understand why she asked -if you were bothered that she was staying at her friends place...
It could either be - 1) she just wants to be friends or 2) she wants to be
FWB without a relationship. but she definitely doesn't want to be in a relationship.
now it depends on YOU what it is that you want... and based on that , you can decide whether you want to confront her or not.
if you confront her- ask her to explain her actions.. tell her she is confusing you.. and she needs to be straight up.
why did she ask you if you were bothered if she was staying at her friends place.. why did it matter ? what did she think you wanted? ask her that.. thats the one thing which seems really odd.
all the other things point to her wanting to just be friends..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): It seems very clear to me (as a woman and hopefully a wise one :) ) that she very much wanted to build up trust in the relationship and take things slowly and be courted before meeting the one. This is really the best way of doing things and she probably realises this in some way.
I think it would be fair to try and find out if this is what she wants or risk things fizzling out.
I would ask her out again and put your cards on the table and say "I was very much looking forward to a relationship with you and I do understand if you would like to take things very slowly and not do anything physical - would this be something you would be interested in trying?"
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A
female
reader, hiljo +, writes (22 February 2012):
I would say that she may really be conflicted.She's just not sure about you...and I wouldn't throw out the possibility that she's seeing someone else. It's always very simple, hun. If someone wants you, they want you. People may choose to make a tough situation work (and I mean tough in the beginning, like trust issues, not calling/texting often, overall uncertainty of the situation) but it doesn't mean they should. The very first thing that has to be there is mutual feelings. You both have to want each other equally to have any sort of chance. You shouldn't walk away from a date or visit and feel scared about what the other person thinks. I personally think that when its RIGHT, it won't feel that way. This girl has other things going on, be it another guy, school/work/family problems, but either way, she's just not interested in you like that right now. Have love and respect for yourself and don't let her control you or your emotions. Focus on your life and if she wants you, she'll come to you.. and when she wants you, you won't have to ask yourself (or us) if she does.:)
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 It sounds to me like she IS interested, but that she's keeping you there as an option because of that question she asked about whether or not you're okay with her staying with a friend. The fact that she didn't specify whether or not her friend was male or female makes her actions seem a bit suspicious. Take your time with her, and let her begin conversations. If all you want with this girl is a relationship or more than she is willing to give, then I suggest you keep your distance because she told you that this wasn't what she wanted. Other than that, she DID give you some signs that she's interested, but again it sounds like she is keeping you there as an option. Why else would she talk to you for months before seeing you again when you could have met up more often or sooner? If she continues to talk to you or if you feel like you are being lead on, you should definitely confront her about her behaviour and tell her how it's confusing you- because who knows, while you're dwelling on what she's thinking, you could be missing out on a girl that wants to be with you!
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