A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 18 years has moved to another state "to pursue" employment. He has been depressed, unemployed and did not like the town in which we were living. He hated that we were able to live for free in my childhood home. I have a job that i love and our 2 daughters (11 an 14) are very happy in school. He left without a goodbye. He swears he is moving to gain some perspective and reclaim his self worth to be the breadwinner. I do not think he is with anyone else, but has withdrawn from us and doesn't want me to visit or even call. He said he needs to "miss us". What is happening when a man can leave his family? I also think he may be bi-polar. Any advice from anyone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): No he would not admit his depression. He still says he love us, but that he feels as if he isn't effective as a father/husband right now. Still don't know what to do!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): A man who is depressed and unemployed is not likely to be seeing someone else. It sounds like your husband was just plain miserable--not with you and the kids--but with his life. Was he getting treatment for his depression before he left?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): You might be right, her could be bi-polar, but with the lows, you should see some serious highs... my ex-wife was depressed, the world was out to get her, but occasionally, the world was GREAT and she had a great oppurtunity to make alot of money and concure the world... the lows were low, the highs very high... He could have another condition, serious depression, or other personality disorder- there are LOTS of them... People with these conditions can do things that they don't understand, much less can expaline to their family and loved ones that have to see them doing it... it's tragic and painful for those of us who have to see it, but the person who's going theough it may be so NUMB that they're getting less of it that we are... kind of like the drunk in the car crash, they walk away, others get seriously injured.He may not miss you because he simply can't connect with his feelings- in a weird way he's trying to force it to happen, but it may not... what he's doing is refered to as a "geographic"... a move that's intended to change his situation, but the problem is that he took himself with him, and given that he's the proble, he can't escape it.I don't think that he's invovled with anyone (else), since he's not invovled with you, or even himself... Also, he may have been suffering from the BS of the "I've got to be a bread winner" that men can go through... it's great that you have a job you love and can live in your childhood home, but it could have ground on him...He sounsd like he's suffering, I suspect that if you were to visit him, you might find that his living conditions are poor and sad... he may need some serious help- PLEASE make sure that you take care of yourself, often those of us who are around this end up sicker than the original person- we suffer though some weird shit, and don't even realize how we've been effected. You need to be around people who REALLY KNOW YOU and can help you stay balanced and who can spot changes in you... a therapist might be a good idea to check in and get some perspective.Good luck, take care of those kids!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Sounds like he is going through some sort of identity or existential crisis. Life's got him down, he needs to gain perspective. All of these things he says are very believable, I have heard it happen to someone on my husband's side of the family. When he was younger, this man just packed up and left the home. He came back later. The pressure (or meaningless, or whatever) of life apparently got to him so he needed to get away from it all from a while.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 He either has issues or is seeing someone else.
I would talk to him and tell him he is needed with his family. If he wants to move then you and your children would have to go with him or it would be considered abandoning you. I hope you are able to work things out with your husband.
Good Luck!
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