A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm at university and hate "going out". I seriously hate it, but I do it anyway so that people don't think I'm a hermit. I was at a big party, and our group split up all around the club. I felt retarded since I hate clubs and paid to get in, so I just decided to go crazy and jump around in the middle of the crowd. It was actually the only time I had fun in a club.At the end I met this girl and said some really smooth things which is very uncharacteristic of me. We left and she walked back to my dorm. She told me she had to leave, but I wanted her to stay. I didn't want to have sex, I just liked her a lot. I walked her out, we kissed, and she left. I texted that I wanted to see her sometime, and she said she wanted to also.Since then she quickly became weird and avoiding in her texts. I have been in a similar situation before, so I had a roommate make sure I didn't say anything too needy or stupid. I casually asked her to a variety of things, like going out or getting food etc. I decided if she stopped responding, I would stop trying. She hasn't said anything for 4 days, so I'm feeling pretty rejected.I have 2 questions. We seemed to have such a good connection, why would she never want to see me again? Also, how can I find a girlfriend without having to go out? I'm sick of putting all this effort in and ending up with nothing all the time. I'm not ugly, not short, not fat, not stupid, not mean, I don't use women, yet in 20 years I still haven't had a real relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): First off dude, your young, and you met her at a club. THink about it, you dont find many good girls at a club. Thats not on their minds, they want to dance, party and party. Your in college dude. Enjoy it. A good girl will always come along when you least expect it. Plus your looking in the wrong place. Was she drunk when you guys went back to your place?
Bars/Clubs/ etc is not the place to meet your future girl. It only causes more problems, heartbreak and pain down the road.
Hang in there, something always comes when you least expect it.
A
male
reader, LessonsLearned  +, writes (9 October 2009):
You have the stink of desperation on you. I don't know how else to say it. If I can sense this it's bad. Trust me, women can smell it like sharks smell blood. Next to Taco Bell farts, it's the least attractive smell to a woman. Lets recap. You were fearless, dove right in, and got to make out with a cute girl. A promising start. You texted her with appeals to go out and do boyfriend/girlfriend things probably too soon and too often and you scared her off. Bad ending. You have no choice or excuse to not be in the game. Your only 20. If you dont stay in theres a lot of greasy fisted loneliness in your future. Stay fearless, keep diving, then check your emotions. You need to play it at least a little cool.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 There are a million reason she didn't want to pursue things, I doubt very much that it had a lot to do with you. You don't know her, she could have a boyfriend, she could be this and that, who knows. If you're that interested in this particular girl I'd call her one more time, ask her out to something casual and if she says no or starts giving you excuses you can then let it go.
I also think your chance of finding a girlfriend in a club is not that great. You say you're at university...there should be so many opportunities to meet girls, clubs, events, classes, bbq's, etc.
What I think you need to do is stop actively looking, stop treating every encounter with a girl as a potential relationship. Just get out there (not clubs) and talk to women as you would to guys. If you're their friend first who knows what else could develop. Also don't make yourself out to be a victim, even if things don't seem to be going right, this only attracts the wrong kind of girl.
I think you need to make it a goal to meet as many girls as you can. Don't hit on them, don't say 'smooth' things, be friendly, that's all you need to do. A girl who is girlfriend material will more often fall for the guy who is nice and friendly and isn't out to pick her up, than the guy who has the smooth moves and good pick up lines.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 There is a reason she is avoiding you. My guess is that it is because she already has a boyfriend and feels guilty about kissing you. (I could be completely wrong.)
Why are you so uncomfortable with going out? If you don't know then you should hold off getting into a relationship til you understand why you hate it so much.
The difficulty level of finding a girlfriend varies. It's all about finding the certain someone who you have a connection with.
If you really don't want to go out to meet girls then you can try to meet them online. But be careful when meeting new people online...you just never know who they are.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, NightLad +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I can't tell you what her problem was. People may not like one another for all sorts of reasons, often reasons that have little/nothing to do with the other person. Try not to take it personally. If she is so immature that she would handle the situation by simply ignoring you, then you are better off without her. Harsh, but true.
As for online sites, I recommend:
www.okcupid.com
It’s like many of the higher-end pay sites, but totally free and way more fun. Lots of cool little tests to take, questions to answer, and a lot of opportunity to meet new people. It is very popular with people of all ages, but especially those in college/university.
I've met some really good friends on there. I even met one person I dated for nearly a year, and like you, I dislike clubs/going out. ;)
I wish you luck.
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A
male
reader, FrequentFlyer +, writes (9 October 2009):
 This sort of thing can happen anytime. Don't just look at yourself and blame just yourself for her not texting you.. many things could have come into the equation. Maybe she has just gotten together back with an old boyfriend? maybe something has happened in her personal life that she immediately would shield herself from meeting anyone special? Sure you could have said the wrong thing or done the wrong thing but that happens too. I usually wait a day or two before messaging someone that i met at a club and not straight away that night.. It makes the girl know that she hasn't won you over just yet. Next time something like that happens, only ask her out once. If she ignores it or rejects it without a real valid reason, don't bother with it again and cease talking to her until she messages you back some other time.
As for the part of not liking clubs, I can understand that to an extent. I am not a real club type person myself but sometimes I do get in the mood to go to one. Find what sort of scene you do like hanging around in. Every city has a few venues and personally, I like the sit back and relax pubs and lounges before anything else. There is something for everyone out there, you just gotta get out there and try everything once or twice.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (9 October 2009):
 The easiest and laziest way to find a girlfriend without going out, is to plop yourself down in front of a computer and get on the dating sites.
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