A
female
age
41-50,
*hsolost
writes:I have been dating a guy for a little over a month now..problem is I haven't seen him in 3 weeks (partly due to me being away and him becoming very busy with school). We talk and text and the last time I heard from him was Monday night (its now Thursday).We were suppose to meet up last Saturday but he didn't make it out simply cause he couldn't get a ride. He did blow me off once, but he says its cause he forgot altogether. I let him know that it bothers me when people just don't show/ blow me off (our last conversation). He invited me over that night (but I'm sure it would have been a booty call.....12:30 am)Anyways, am I wasting my time here?Its so confusing, he talked about helping me move at the end of the month and help me fix up my car (all these future things) and now I don't even know if I'll ever see him again.
View related questions:
booty call, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 hi
the fact just speak for themselves and i know you don't want to see it, but the fact that he let you down because 'he forgot' is really all you need to know hun. that is totally insulting. i had a casual relationship with someone at the back end of last year, gave me plenty of attention, offered to do all sorts of jobs in my home and garden, but he let me down TWICE coz he had a hangover! - not good enough! (so now my jobs in the house and garden are not gonna get done by him, but hey, no problem, i'll do them myself!)
i hope when he gets back in touch again you have the strength to cut him out of your life, trust me, you will SOON get over him
xx
A
female
reader, ohsolost +, writes (13 February 2011):
ohsolost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't need/ want to see him, I have accepted that I need to move on. But he just moved here in January and we don't have mutual friends, so I can't get my stuff back that way (he borrowed movies...lame, but I want my s**t back!)
But the post office is a good idea or I can get him to leave them in his mailbox.
Yes I know I can live without my DVD's but its a principle thing I guess.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 You don't fool me with I have to see him one more time because I want my stuff back....urm, why does this jerk have any of your stuff?
If you want your stuff back, simply ask that he return it to you via the Post Office or drop it off on your porch while you are not at home or give the items to a friend who can give them to you.
There really is no reason to see him if you don't want to, but then again, like I said you don't fool me.
This is not a reflection on you, this jerk's behavior, it's just time to stop wasting your time and energy on this loser.
...............................
A
female
reader, ohsolost +, writes (11 February 2011):
ohsolost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to reply in regards to the Superbowl. I actually turned him down because I had other plans and they couldn't include him (family stuff).
The whole "saving face" thing makes complete sense. Makes him feel like less of a jerkoff I suppose.
Well either way I will have to see him one last time to get a couple of things back from him. Just need to make contact to do that...although I don't really want to, but I want my stuff back damnit!!
Thanks for all of your words :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Well how many other times has he volunteered his time and just not turned up or made an excuse? The first thing you do when you blow someone off is offer to see them another time.
OP at the moment he's not really making the effort at all.
It's been a month, are you seriously telling me that the "I couldn't get a ride" excuse isn't lame? I mean if you were going to meet him that saturday you'd make sure you had a means of getting there wouldn't you? You wouldn't make that plan if you may not be able to actually make it.
Either way OP, the fact remains you've only seen him a few times and you're both so busy you haven't been able to make time for each other then the only time he has off to be able to see you he blows you off. Then the other time he invites you over late for a shag. Did he actually turn up for your superbowl evening? It doesn't sound like he did.
OP every time I go out I volunteer my time to people, while drunk and I make a new best friend, volunteering your time is a gesture and it's empty unless you actually follow through.
Now this could just be unworkable OP, you both just might have too conflicting schedules to be actually able to properly connect and be with each other. Especially if he is using the times when you can be together to blow you off.
And now no contact for almost a week.
OP maybe it's just me, but when I start dating a girl, I go where I say I will and when because damn it OP I like this girl and I damn well want to see her. If I can't get a ride then I walk four hours in the rain to see her. I text her or call her every couple of days, see how she is and make more plans. OP when you're into someone, you want to spend time with them, actual time not just offers. It's nice to make plans OP but what are plans if there's no follow through?
Couldn't get a ride pffft. Get a taxi then, cycle, walk use a sled or something. But get there, show you want that person, show then they're worth your time, they're worth the effort. If you want to continue with this then fine but letting someone blow you off this early and be so lazy about the whole thing might not be good for you. It honestly sounds like he either has too much going on in his life to make any real effort to get with you, he's not really interested in taking this too far with you, or he's doing the bare minimum to keep you hanging on so perhaps he can just get sex from you.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (11 February 2011):
He stood you up, you probably called him right? He offered to come hang out with you and your family at the Super Bowl (like he was doing you a favor, he invited himself over for free food and beer?)...Doesn't sound like he made it.He is just trying to 'save face' and get you off the phone. Stop calling him, or taking his calls or his texts. He doesn't want you, isn't interested...to him, you're just a time filler, seriously, just move on, he's a waste of your head space.
...............................
A
female
reader, ohsolost +, writes (11 February 2011):
ohsolost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust thought I'd add that he offered to come hang out with me (and my brother and his fiancee) to watch the Superbowl last weekend, after not making it out the night before. If he truly didn't give a rats ass, why would he volunteer his time?
(Note: I don't disagree with what's been said, just looking for opinions)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): "Anyways, am I wasting my time here?" Hell yeah you are.
My god woman, you've only been with him a week, then 3 weeks of standing you up and blowing you off, and then he invites you over for sex?
Honestly how can you not see what this is?
Texts and phone calls are the bare minimum of effort, as in he's not even making an effort, he makes plans and then doesn't follow through.
He is definitely just not that into you and something tells me he might have been tipsy or drunk when he invited you over.
Walk away, this guy clearly has no interest in you or he'd be making a lot more effort than this.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (11 February 2011):
It's not confusing at all, he's not interested in you, who cares what the reasons are or the excuses he uses. He's playing you, you're fourth string, good enough for sex though. He's using you. Move on, good riddance, next!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Is this a no strings relationship?
Never settle for less than you deserve. If this person is not treating you right then move on. I to would be disappointed if someone forgot our date. I often read, see, hear people letting thier family / friends down yet if they made an appoinment with a doctor, teacher , dentist they arrive on time. Surely a spouse, peer, or siblings deserve to be treated with the same repsect?
...............................
|
