A
female
age
41-50,
*wm1011
writes:About 4 months ago I was checking his phone for someone's phone number and noticed a message. I checked his messages and it was a women that he works with telling him that she missed him and wants him to come visit her again. She ended the message by saying that she loved and missed him. When I confronted him about it he said that he was helping her with some work stuff and nothing was going on, so I called the women. She had stated that she had gone camping with him, with my sons, on a certain occasion and just needed his help with some family issues. I asked her why she told my husband she loved him and missed him and she said that she talks to everyone that way. After I hung, she called my husband to let him know that I called her to give him a heads up.He says nothing happened and gets angry when I ask if he still talks to her and he tells me that I am wrong for accusing him of doing something wrong. He tells me that what he does outside of the home is none of my business...What is going on? Is he cheating? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Kerbear +, writes (15 April 2008):
OMG!! I am new to this site and cant believe the things I am reading. I can't believe that a married man going camping with another woman would EVER be acceptable!! EVER!! That in itself is a form of cheating- isn't it?? He betrayed your trust in a HUGE way!! I am sorry but I think the damage is done.
A
female
reader, Guru1  +, writes (15 April 2008):
I think your gut feeling is telling you something. It's interesting your husband becomes angry with you when questioned, asks your children to lie and doesn't wear his wedding ring anymore. As hard as it might be to face this I think you need to. I think you know the truth but you are not yet ready to deal with it. Think about what it will mean to you if it is true. If it's not, your husband's behaviour would be very difficult to explain. Investigate further and get some proof if you need it, failing that tell him, as his wife, that you are not happy with him maintaining contact with this "friend" unless your involved. Ask him how important your feelings are to him even if he thinks they are crazy.I feel for you this must be hard. Be brave and do what you must, don't live this meagre life anymore, you deserve better!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 You only have circumstantial evidence and not full proof.
You cannot be 100% sure.
Does your husband treat you well?
If he treated you badly , it is a strong probability that he may have an affair with her.
Be vigilant and keep your eyes open.
Follow him wherever he goes and you can keep a look out for him.
Many couples do things together even if you do not share his interest.
He has no chance to stray.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): Yep Sweetie I'd bet on it. A man does not get text messages from a woman that says she misses and loves him and it not be more than friendship. And any man that tells you it's none of your business what he does outside of the house, has something to hide. Take it from me been there done that. Only I am the other woman
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A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 My ex used to tell me I was crazy too when I knew he was having an affair. He was always so happy monday to friday cos he worked with her, then come the weekend he was a pig to me and the kids, right up till sunday night and then he'd be happy again. She also used to call the house, so I knew something was going on, but it was just work - yer right. So he used to say I was mad for thinking such things. Then 2 years later he told me it had been true, surprise, surprise, and that he couldn't live with the guilt any more - what a shame, so he dumped it on me, and having done that refused to answer any of the millions of questions that came to mind cos he didn't want to speak about it anymore. At that point I didn't know what to do. It was 2 years down the line, so we stayed together, but I have to say Inever felt the same about him again. The marriage that I thought was near perfect was no such thing, and I was gutted, yet relieved to know I never imagined it. As always its the lies and deception that hurt. I think he's so wrong telling the kids not to tell you things. Why would he do that if he wasn't hiding something? Its not fair on them either and he's teaching them very young to be deceptive. Have a word with him on that one alone. As for the confusion, I know that one, been very confused myself for couple of weeks, but from experience the confusion is for a reason. Hang fire, clarity will come, and you'll just know what to do. Its a horrible time, but you will survive and go on. I know that one too. Lotsaluv Hun.
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A
female
reader, bwm1011 +, writes (11 April 2008):
bwm1011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe boy's did mention it after I ask them about it. My six year-old said that he did not tell me about it because Dad (my husband) told him not to. My husband tells my kids not to tell me a lot of things.
Thanks everyone for their input. I am so frustrated and confused about this whole thing because whenever I ask my husband about it, he acts like I am compeletly crazy and tells me that I am just mad because I cannot control everything in his life...he makes me doubt myself and that drives me crazy!!!
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (11 April 2008):
As ever, its the deceipt and dishonesty that is the problem here. If it was nothing why not be open about it? Why not include you in it? Strange your sons never mentioned it. Having said that, a friend of mine had her husband bring HOME the lady he was having on the side, so that his wife could speak to her because she was having a tough time - and she had no idea they were having an affair - and she was so kind to this lady, helping her whatever way she could. Still at the end of the day, who has to live with the conscience? Best of luck hun. You know what to do for the best, but take your time. You'll know when to act. Love and blessings.
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A
female
reader, bwm1011 +, writes (11 April 2008):
bwm1011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe also no longer wears his wedding ring because he says that it means nothing to him. When I ask him why it does not mean anything to him he says it is because if he is going to be accused of something that is not true then the vows have been broken...but in the same sentence he tells me that he wants to be happily married to me for the rest of his life.
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (11 April 2008):
 For him to get so defensive and tell you that what he does is none of your business is suspicous in itself. Everything either of you do will affect the other in some way. Also that fact that she called to give him a heads up is fishy too, if he is not doing anything what does she need to warn him about??? Keep your guard up I was in the same position. In the end it something you have to live with. Wish you the best. And remember you always deserve to be respected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Yes, i'm sorry....but it's obvious
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A
female
reader, greenmonkey00 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Tell that @$$hole that it is the epitome of disrespect towards you to go camping with another woman. Whether he's cheating or not, you may never know unless one of them decides to tell you. If you trust him, then you'll need to accept his answer that, in fact, nothing is going on. Incidentally, since when does a wife not have any business with what her husband does outside the home? Let him know that you'd like to go camping with a co-worker who tells you he loves you and see what he says. Maybe you should respond that, "what you do outside the home will be none of his business."
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