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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a 7 years old daughter. He's 27 and I'm 25. I understand I'm never going to be her mother. However, when I'm with her, I have to treat her like my own daughter. I'm pretty good with kids, but these are not just a friend's kids. Can someone tell me what I have to do? How can I learn to be a step-parent? I'm putting too much pressure on myself to ensure she likes me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bwm1011  +, writes (11 April 2008):
I am 27 and I have an 11 year-old step-son...First, I can tell you that it is going to take time for them to like you...in their minds - you have invaided their world.
When my step-son is over, I treat him just like my other kids (I have three others) I give him chores and things to do because it honestly makes him feel like he is actually part of the family. I do not always make him work, but when my other kids have chores to do I give him some also. That way he knows that he is not a guest in the home - he is part of the family. He respects me and truly feels wanted in the family.
It can be very difficult for a step-child to feel comfortable in this type of enviroment because they feel as if you are going to take their parent away, or that the parent is going to pay more attention to you then them. In the beginning of our relationship there was a lot of finger pointing and pinning my husband against the other (not so good on my part) but finally I stepped up to the plate and started making the effort to ask him about school and his friends and make it clear that I knew he was not going anywhere and made it clear that I was not going anywhere. I was not mean about it, I just started talking about things we had planned for the next time he would be with us or talking to him during the week, and made sure he was clear on the rules of the house and stuff. Things have come a long way - it takes time...hang in there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Hi there, I am a single mom. As a mother, I would want someone to just naturally like/love my child. I know this is difficult but think of the child as your little sister or niece and not your step daughter. As time goes on, you will see that things will get easier for you and you will have a good relationship with this child. Leave the disciplinary actions to her father until things between the two of you are concrete. For now, have fun with her and learn to be a kid again. You will find this rewarding and less stressful. I hope this has helped you a bit.
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