A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello again! I've posted several times and everyone's been very helpful and empathetic. Thank you! I hope all you aunts and uncles are safe and healthy (and your loved ones too)! I'm under the impression that at least one of the aunts here is actually from Italy and I double-hope you and yours are safe and healthy. I wish my country would follow your example! I took a bus past a Cabela's and the place was packed. Apparently there's a need to buy guns now. This city I live in his half very conservative half very liberal so it gets "interesting" around here.OK: my problem is isolation, kinkiness, and boredom. I recently moved into my apartment from a recovery house where I was constantly surrounded by people. Don't get me wrong, I love my space, my privacy, and my solitude: something I didn't get any of in Rahab's Haven. The problem is that I like it too much. By nature I'm an introvert who was forced (through addiction) to work as a stripper, "massage therapist", and prostitute. (No offense intended to REAL massage therapists, you all do good things). I didn't get to be a hermit at Recovery House because there were always 6-20 woman living with me plus house monitors. We had Recovery Classes and it was Christian-based so we had mandatory church and Bible classes. I don't miss a lot of the drama, constant noise and talking and I LOVE having my own space.BUT. I was a stay-at-home drunk/crackhead. Once I did what I had to do to get my stuff I went home and used. Now, I'm temporarily out of work (waiting on unemployment) and unable to get out to 12-Step meetings or church as our state isn't allowing us out unless it's essential. I have part of an inheritance that my oldest sister C is holding onto for me and I asked her for $1,000 to open a bank account so I could have a card with a Visa symbol on it to order things online (furniture, things to cook in or on, little kitten things you don't think of, bathroom accessories...) and that adds up quickly. I *think* I bought all I need now but online shopping is too easy and convenient. I asked C for money again to get food and hygeine and cleaning products (including a vacuum cleaner) and while I got those things I also bought three pairs of sneakers and five cute ball caps (to wear where exactly?!). Then there's Wayfair and Wish and it's not as bad as it could be but... I can't tell if this is legit buying or if a new addiction found me.I listen to sermons online, I participate in online 12-step meetings and I've been listening to a lot of hymns. I try calling women in recovery with lots of sober/clean time but there's only so much to say. I have no idea what to do with myself and I didn't know if any of you have any suggestions. What has everyone else been doing besides shopping online? There's two carry outs within blocks of me and so far I've been able to avoid them. The last thing I want to do is go that route.
View related questions:
christian, drunk, money, moved in, prostitute, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2020): Hi
Great to hear back from you. Your ideas for projects sound brilliant and glad to hear that you'll be joining us here on DC! You'd be good at helping people I'm sure. You've been through stuff yourself!
Stay well xx
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 March 2020):
 I am an introvert by nature. Unless people know me very well they are not aware of this because I hide it well but I am always content to stay at home and have many projects to occupy my time and energy. What people are saying is "sheltering" themselves is basically something I have been doing for the last several years. I had a knee injury 2 years ago and ever since then I have had my groceries delivered for me. I walk everywhere and only take public transportation if its truly needed. I'm happy to putter around in our condo and work on plants, crafts, read books and try to expand my mind.
My husband works in a lab and is an assistant professor and with the temp shutdown of his college he is anxious to work on writing his research book. We are totally happy being at home. We keep in touch with family through phone calls and mail. I honestly just don't want to go out right now anywhere. It terrifies me the way that some of our country's leaders are handling this whole crisis and I don't trust them. People need to pull together and help one another and use precautions to keep each other safe but too many are focused on the almighty dollar and can't see past the money! Its ridiculous how people are focusing on toilet paper for God's sake!
Bless all of our fellow human beings who work in the medical sector and are trying their hardest to heal the sick. The police, firefighters, the employees who keep our grocery stores stocked..all these people are the heroes in this frightening time. I can't express how much I pray for them and their safety. Selfless people that must see such sadness right now.
Do things that make you happy, keep you busy. It sounds like you've got a nice little list of projects. Good for you! I love crafts. Knitting, sewing, crochet, painting, drawing..if you have interest in any of these they will take up your time and you can make some beautiful items.I have recently bought a glue gun and am now gluing crystals onto anything and everything...lol. I just redid a pair of old ugg boots with crystals and the same style sells for $300 on the internet. Took me 2 weeks but boy am I proud of them! They are stunning. Most of my family will get some of my "Projects" as gifts!
Use the internet at its full capabilities. Find a yoga group/meditation group. Exercise videos are wonderful since our time outside is now very precious. Try cooking new things, or learning a new language. I am in the process of learning (relearning actually) Japanese. My husband is from there but I have never truly learned the language because he has always chosen to learn and speak English better.
I would try to steer clear of buying on the internet. Very tempting and can be damaging. I got rather hooked on ebay at one time...boy..can that be dangerous!
Stay well and stay strong OP. Sounds like you've got it together!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had filled out a long response to each of you and then it disappeared as soon as I tried to send it. :-(
I want to thank all of you for your advice and helpfulness. I'm going to:
(1)Watch some ASL (American Sign Language) online to see what I can learn
(2)Read over posts in here and see if I can help
(3) Buy some embroidery floss and relearn how to make friendship bracelets
(4) Write to a nursing home and see if anyone wants a pen-pal
(5) make it a point to reach out to the three siblings who are still speaking to me
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): I just want to say that I remember your original post and I'm so glad to hear that you sound as if you're doing rather well! You sound happy and positive and I want to say well done you!!
It's so nice to hear back from people who we've talked to previously to know how they're doing and it's really lifted me to hear that you are going to be enjoying craft instead of crack! You've lived up to a challenging time in your life and you're coming out the other side, showing how aware you are of your own personality and knowing that online shopping could be another addiction. Not many people are that self aware.
I don't have a lot to add as regards what to do with our sudden excess of free time. Personally I couldn't have ever asked for anything better. I work six or seven days a week and am knackered all the time so I'm very happy to get the chance to deep clean, sort out cupboards and sell excess stuff on ebay. Don't look at them!! (Joking). I love knitting because I love clothes and colour, maybe you could learn that online or how to crochet. I started writing a book last year, something I never imagined I could do, but I just love it! It's like delving into a really deep daydream and trying to describe it as well as possible. I have no plot, but just write and it's amazing how it writes itself! I also love to educate myself, I need ten life times to read everything I want to learn about. History, classic literature I love, autobiographies of amazing people can be very inspiring. My lounge is piled with books to read, puzzle books, colouring books, craft projects and writing pads and my laptop on which I write my book.
I have two large candles in jars which are a great weight to use as weights and I'm improving the strength in my arms (I'm getting on/old). I used to go out dancing modern jive and west coast swing most nights up until a couple of years ago, when health problems forced me to limit my attendance to once a week, if that. So I put the radio on in the kitchen and dance away. Practice some west coast swing steps or just boogie!
Hope we've been able to help and, again, it's so nice to hear from you and know how you're getting on. Keep in touch!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2020):
 I am an Aunt who lives in Italy. We are in lockdown, we can't go out for walks - we are only allowed to go out to buy food,medications, toiletries, the essential stuff… and we must do our purchases in the supermarket or drugstore etc. which is closest home. Pretty restrictive rules.
Different strokes for different people :). I'm having a ball. Don't get me wrong, I am heartbroken for the all the people, in my country and in the whole world , who died and will die because of this epidemy, I am fully aware that I might very well be among them , regardless of all the precautions I am taking, and I am very worried about the devastating financial consequences my country will face.
Yet, this is an introvert paradise :) I had not quite realized how many things I do , how many people I see ,- which I don't really love to do and see. Things I do or people I see, out of habit, social conventions, politeness, obligation, sheer laziness and lack of imagination. Now everything is simplified, stripped down, streamlined- it frees out so much time , so many mental and emotional resources- I find it really liberating. Empowering, even. Of course, I realize that many people are extrovert, gregarious, tactile even, and they'll miss interacting and mingling with fellow human beings. But , Italy being Italy, being around other people is something there 's normally no scarcity at all in our daily life, au contraire. So taking a little break from it all has its good side too :)
Anyway, what you can do to while away the time ? Oh plenty of things, rather than shopping online. Which could be potentially dangerous and slip easily out of your hands and out of control, if you have , as it sounds, an addictive personality. Many addicts tend to swap an addiction with another, and while online shopping is less damaging than, say, hard drugs,- it still would be an addiction , and you surely don't need one now that you are reshaping your life totally.
So, you could read. I feel sorry for people who do not enjoy reading, a good book is a wonderful companion and entertainer - but reading can also be an acquired taste . You just need to start.
You could cook. I can cook but normally I don't, I eat super-simple stuff, salads, grilled chicken breast , omelets...But now that I have all the time in the world, I have started tryng more challenging , complex recipes , and it has been very fun and fulfilling .
You can do some beauty care : I never had so perfect fingernails, now one can trim and buff and polish to her heart's content. Manicure , pedicure. Hair treatments. Face and body masks. It will sounds like I am encouraging you to spend a lot of money in cosmetics- maybe buying them on line ! : but I am not. There's a lot of normal stuff that you can use for beauty treatments: honey, eggs, chamomile, milk, cucumber,... check on Internet for tutorials.
Exercise. You don't need to go to a gym or running in a park to be physically active. You can do gym exercises, or lift weights, or stretch, or practice yoga, at home.
"If you can't go outside, go inside " - start meditating, or journaling. Or practice creative visualization, it will help you in teh process of reshaping your life and going for the results you want in your future. Or you could start writing your authobiography, some people find it very healing.
watch music videos on You tube , and sing along. Or dance.
You might even learn dances from Internet, - now you have teh time and nobody is watching you ! while you salsa your way through the day .
Good old Tv. Not all is rubbish. Change things around : start watching documentaries if you only watched sports, and viceversa.
I don't know your tastes and abilities, but , really, there are so many things that you can do, and for free
And… you can always join Dear Cupid :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): You've pretty much covered all there is possible to do. You can always read e-books and slowly reacquaint yourself with your estranged family-members. Make it clear to them you have no intention of annoying them, or encroaching on their personal-space. You now have the opportunity to extend an olive branch; and to apologize for anything you've said or done to hurt them. Even if you get a cold reception; the benefit to your conscience/soul is that you made the first-move. If you've long owed the apology, that debt is paid; and the Lord will give forgiveness, filling the void where mankind fails to.
People avoid making heartfelt-apologies fearing they'd be rejected. Some let pride or self-righteousness stop them. If they are sincere, redemption comes from having the heart and courage to do it. God judges the heart. Depending on the transgression, people take time to recover enough to forgive. If they won't forgive, God will not forgive them. Everyone will do something hurtful to somebody sometime. Nobody is too good or evil to apologize! Nobody is too good to forgive! People too proud and stiff to forgive place their souls in jeopardy. A real Christian knows this. Nonbelievers have to depend on what they know. In the end, it's the judgement of Jesus we'll all answer to. Not you or me! Once you've apologized, let God worry about it. He does not require us to keep apologizing, but to do it with a sincere heart. The seed is planted, and it may not sprout until another time. Meanwhile, you are free of guilt or shame! God forgives! I don't expect all people to understand or to care about this Christian stuff; it's my job to spread love and give God the glory. Not force anyone to care, or believe what I believe. Besides, I have no power to force anyone to believe anything. God chooses us, we don't choose God. Even He won't force us to worship Him. He gives us freewill.
Living alone, sometimes it's nice to have a small pet. If you are allowed a cat or dog, maybe a bird. Avoid screechy, noisy, poopy-animals, or those that bite! Even fish are good company when you're stuck inside. Continue reading your Bible, but pray beforehand. That allows the spirit to become more open and able to receive new revelation and understanding of things you may have read many times before; but never really noticed how it applies, or its true-meaning.
Keep reading DC, and learn how others attempt to cope with their issues. Try to develop and feel empathy, expand on your opinions, and readjust your unfounded-prejudices. Learn or acknowledge how others suffer, and you won't be self-centered; because you'll know we are all in this world together, and there is nothing new under the sun. Although, there are nasty people hard at work to divide us; and working tirelessly to spread hatred, apathy, and chaos.
On good days, open your windows and let-in sunshine and fresh air. I do recommend that you get some houseplants. Being shut-in, they filter the air and add oxygen. Caring for them is very therapeutic; as well as the aesthetics they add to your living space. Place them wherever you get reasonable sunlight; or just get low-light plants. Read the care-tag and follow their instructions. If you kill'em, replace 'em! Try try again!
Spend time in prayer and meditation. You need it everyday. Give God your time, and He will reward you. Pray for others, those who are out there trying to save lives. They are away from their families long hours; while trying to protect their own health with a shortage of protective-gear. Yet making a grave sacrifice that we can never repay. Pray for the sick and the families of those who have lost loved-ones. Make the best of your time inside; and God will make the time seem short, and lighten your burden. He will also avert any cravings you may have; because a idle-mind is the devil's playground.
May God bless, guide, and protect you! May He keep you healthy and safe; and send his angels to guard you from darkness and addiction.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 March 2020):
 I'm currently in total lockdown due to having returned from a trip overseas just before our airports closed.
My bathroom has never sparkled so much.
I have somebody shopping for me, it gets dropped at the gate and I then transfer the money into their account. I've got some bulk buys and am cooking up and freezing meals in portions, but if freezer space is lacking maybe this is not a good option for you.
I've also just heard of some free online courses, and have signed up for one of those, google 'future learn' all one word.
I've always been a reader, and I have Netflix and have got sucked into Korean romances, even though they do drag on a bit.
I like looking at online shopping, but haven't actually bought anything for a while, but if you tell yourself you are window shopping and not buying your brain should get the message. Set up a wish list for yourself, save a picture and the details of the item with the proviso you don't buy it until you have looked at it for at least a week. You will find the desire to own has usually worn off.
You are doing well, my personal opinion is that the current coronavirus situation is going to take months, not weeks, to right itself, especially in those countries where leadership is perhaps a little lacking. So resign yourself to a long indoors stay, you might be able to find some exercise classes on youtube, or even some mindfulness sessions.
I wish you all the best in the world.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): Take a walk or two every day. Even with a shelter-in-place mandate walking is allowed. Do some yoga exercises. Read.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): Just popping in to say Hi from UK, can't really answer your question but wanted to say hello and hope things work out well for you and yours. Really strange times and we have to be really strong during these times. I have just dropped a few little notes into the houses where I live, a few elderly people, to say if they just want a bit of telephone company or grocery shopping to let them know they are not isolated and totally alone. Another neighbor who is a medical herbalist has compiled a little mix medicine goodie bag of herb remedy, tea bags, and all the herbs to help build the immune system up.
have you looked at home study? lots of free online education.
Good luk, stay strong, stay safe .God bless.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so far, getting craft items sounds like a good idea! I'm not much for puzzles but I do Sudoku and crossword puzzles on my phone, maybe I can go to a dollar store and buy some physical books.
I want to apologize for the word "kinkiness" because I did NOT mean to type that. I meant to type lonliness and for some reason auto correct is a perv. I hope you at least got a laugh. Also, if I refer to siblings it's: J (brother), C (sister), T (brother), me, M (brother), CA (sister) and MJ (sister) I hope I cleared up confusion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 March 2020):
 You seem to have an addictive personality, so set a budget and stick to it. Also go for walks by yourself. I’m from the UK and we went into lockdown a couple of days ago, so going out by yourself has been encouraged, provided you stay away from anyone you don’t live with.
Create a bit of routine for yourself and take up an inexpensive new hobby or two. Check in with yourself each day to praise yourself for avoiding addictive habits and make note of the triggers when you do make an addiction-like decision. Take it one day at a time.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2020): I may have read this wrong but it sounds like you've bought a lot of stuff online. Don't get into online shopping please. I know people who have and it can be as destructive as gambling addiction.
I'm using my downtime to become a better dancer. There are free online courses for everything. Become a better cook, that's another thing I'm doing, New recepies. Jamie Oliver has some fun and inventive online videos and courses he has put together specially for this time. Learn another language. Find a interest and dive in.
Good luck and god bless.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 March 2020):
 Addicts often swap out one addiction for another. So you DO need to be mindful of new habits that may not be the best (like online shopping). I am not an addict or former addict, but I have OCD which means I have obsessive behaviors which can easily led to addictive behaviors, which is why there are many things I really do avoid. So be very very mindful of WHAT you are buying and WHY you are buying it.
I'd say KEEP a good budget and stick to it. You can look up online how to make a good budget :) Learning new things is always good.
I have done my spring cleaning early this year, next is painting the kitchen and some of the bedrooms since the kids are home too. We are also volunteering twice a week for the school lunch distribution.
My middle daughter is learning to crochet. Since they might be home for another 3-8 weeks they also doing some online classes. I sorted through all our linen and plan to try quilting too.
We spend a good couple of hours doing a 2500 piece puzzle and it's not done yet.
Learning a new skill is always good. Reading books is good, when I had surgery last I knocked out quite a few books. I have an Amazon kindle and get e-books online, some free (like classics) and some not. It's amazing how many free books are out there.
Journaling might also be helpful. Sort of self-help therapy.
And self care. A home-made pedicure, getting the feet ready for sandal/flip flop weather :) perhaps?
Learning to bake or cook new things with maybe limited ingredients might be fun.
And then there is Netflix, Prime and Hulu to explore :)
Just take it ONE day at a time.
...............................
|
