A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:OK, so after near 7 months, he said, "I love you." I know just how serious this was for him, given his past and the need to be sure he was ready and meant it. He even recently said I should start leaving clothes at his place so that I can stay over whenever I want. My issue is this:There's no talk of marriage for a few years (he's gotta finish school 1st--I understand). But one of my biggest fears in relationships is that one day we'll look at each other and have absolutely NOTHING in common, NOTHING to talk about, etc. What then? I think I worry about this more than he does. Even now I get nervous when we get quiet or there's nothing pressing to talk about. We do well when we're "on a mission" or out shopping, etc. Am I overthinking this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bardia +, writes (6 May 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow. Y'all just hit the nail on the head for me. Thanks for all the answers. Yeah, I've always been uncomfortable with silences. I guess I really just need to relax. I don't think life wouldn't get boring with him, just comfortable (although we do like to go on mini-adventures when we can). There is a significant age difference (13 years and I'm the "elder"), but we actually have more interests, thoughts, sense of humor in common than would be expected. And this is my first relationship EVER, so I'm still navigating how this all works...thanks again!
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 You cannot possibly know that. You cannot nor should you attempt to plan out conversations for the rest of your life, I know that's not what you're trying to do at all but worrying about it is in some ways the equivalent. As everyone else has generally said, there is nothing wrong with silence. Sometimes when I hang out with my best friend, we go for a good fifteen minutes without saying anything at all and we still have a good time just walking around his neighborhood. Stop worrying about what you will talk about and start thinking that it all depends on what you do together. Surely if he loves you he would enjoy doing anything with you really, trying new things, trying to enjoy the things you enjoy and if you feel that way about him, you'll do the same. If you're doing that now, you shouldn't have to worry about the future.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Silence is good sometimes, relax and enjoy it.
If you want to make sure you always got things to talk about, then make sure you do things together, nice things, that will create good memories. Also make sure you have some hobbies and interests that are separate so you have something new to learn about. That way you'll always have interesting things to talk about and when there is silence it's because that's the way you want it.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Feeling comfortable in the silence.
Let the silences flow through you, like a warm blanket not like an electric shock.
He said he loves you do you love him? Or are you thinking life with him could get boring? Do you think he's active enough? Or are you just uncomfortable with the silences?
Was silence as a child a sign that something bad was going to happen?
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I'm curious to know why silence scares you so. Silence can often mean comfort, not boredom. But if you are truly worried about having nothing to say to each other one day, ask yourself why. What is it about this relationship that makes you think that might happen?
Do you feel that you already have little in common? Perhaps you do not feel his equal in some way. Are you worried that he will lose interest if you suddenly find you have nothing to say? Did you grow up in a home where your parents drifted apart? Why do you feel a need to keep him and/or yourself entertained?
Maybe I am over analyzing this, but to me that fear is representative of a larger problem. There is an insecurity that you might want to check out. I'm just giving you something to think about because, honestly, I find it a tad unusual to worry about something like this so early in the game. Your relationship is only 7 months old.
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