A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I (I'll call him Steve) were in a long distance relationship for almost a year now. We broke up a couple weeks ago because of many reasons. He wanted to control me and I had to do everything his way. I love him with all my heart but I just couldn't take it anymore. We've broken up so many times in the past but we always end up coming back to each other because he keeps saying he'll change but he never did. So a couple weeks ago we broke up for good. Or at least that's what I thought. So I started looking for someone new and that's where I went wrong. I never realized that I wasn't ready to be in a new relationship 4 days after my break up. I got together with a new guy (I'll call him Mark) and he's just the most incredible thing ever. His personality is the total opposite from what Steve was. I liked him but the thing was I couldn't get Steve out of my mind. Then Christmas day, Steve and I started talking again. He wanted to get back together. He promised he'd change and this time he wasn't lying. So I carried it out. Making him prove to me he'll change and now its January 3rd. He's been good but IDK if it's been long enough to determine if he's changed for good. The thing is, Mark has done nothing wrong. I feel horrible, like he's a rebound if I break up with him to get back with my ex. They hate each other and they can't accept each other. Mark lays it down nicely though. But Steve just doesn't want me talking to him ever again. I'm stuck in between the two of them and I have no idea what to do. I don't know if I should give my ex another chance because my love for him is soo strong or if I should just choose the one whos closer and treats me right. I'm just scared that if I choose Mark, I'm going to be thinking about Steve too much and keep asking myself WHAT IF HE REALLY IS CHANGING? and I'm scared that if I choose Steve, he's going to go back to being a selfish guy and I would regret letting go of Mark :/
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (4 January 2010):
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): tell steve you broke up for a reason. Be fair to both of you. Let him prove to you he has changed by him showing you over a period of time.
Let Mark know you just broke up with someone and you are not sure what is right to do...
Leave your options open with honesty. The worst scenario is they both leave or they are both not worth your time in the long run....or
one stands man up to worth your while. I am not saying be a player or cause drama. steve needs to change for himself first, and mark is new and you really do not know the whole scoop.
traditionally a woman would let both take her out, be not physically involved with neither....you do not want a person to control you, that is a sign of danger to me.
just be you and feel free to want what is right and healthy to keep you smiling and being a good mate inreturn.
I probably would be open with mark and tell him, steve is trying and i would tell steve that you are dating another and do not want to close your options because steve just started this new change.
You may get dumped by both...its a risk...your happiness is worth whatever it takes tho
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2010):
Neither of these guys are right for you, that's the truth. Steve probably won't change, since he has said he will a million times and hasn't, and if you really liked this other guy Mark, you'd be with him and wouldn't think of Steve. For now, focus on your own life.
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