A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm terrible in the sack! But this wasn't always the case. As a matter of fact, the first girl that I lost it too always loved our "encounters". To this day she says I am still the best she's had. And at the time she was my first, but I was CERTAINLY not her first. We were 17.Not long after this, however, I met a girl who I would spend three years with in a deep and committed relationship. And for three years I was having bad sex. We broke up almost 2 years ago and until very recently I haven't had sex in that amount of time. Now, I've gone over this quite a bit since we broke up, and I know for certain that she was a terrible lay. I operate on reciprocity and she never communicated anything with me via body language or with words. I think my ability in bed has diminished from having bad sex for so long and not having been with anyone in almost 2 years.Which brings me now to the most recent situation. I met a girl who I just ended up connecting with and we both have strong feelings for each other. I told her that my abilities in the sack weren't up to par but she still wanted me and after the first time she said that we should help each other out and just have fun and try new things and over time my endurance will get better. This girl is fucking awesome! The second time we had sex I was already lasting longer than I usually do and I think it's because she's actually reciprocating and moving with me and is just into it which helps A LOT!I guess my question is: what else can I do to get better? And what have been your experiences with bad partners. I think guys tend to get the short end of the stick in that so much pressure is placed on us to control the situation and this in turn makes the girl work less and I really enjoy situations where both people are totally into it and taking turns dominating. Thanks for reading this and helping me out.
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Communications is a big deal, to find out what each other like and what things you know from the past have worked well. Without communication then it can be boring!
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (18 May 2012):
 The worst thing a man can do in my opinion is think that penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex is the end-all-be-all of sex, and that to please me, he has to have a HUGE penis and last forever.
Well, as a 100% clitorally focused girl, no amount of massive penises or hours of thrusting will -ever- bring me to orgasm, so what makes a guy good in bed, to me, is that he's aware of the importance of the clitoris to most girl's sexual pleasure.
The ability to listen and learn, be patient, to not think his penis is the most important part of sex, and the full working knowledge of female anatomy makes a man good in bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thanks for the feedback everyone! I had actually considered that it may just be the vibes that I exchange with whomever I'm with that will dictate the sex. I can count on maybe two hands the times that my ex and I had great sex, but more often than not she was always incredibly tense which made me tense and therefore unable to properly pleasure her. The girl I'm having fun with now is so into it and it's great. She's already commented on my technique and "flow" and loves it. And she's down to try anything! Sorry if this is too much info, but it makes me happy to know that I won't be a crap lay forever. Again, thank you!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Glad I dont face this pressure seeing that most of my sex isnt free of cost. Experience gained with each other n knowing what each other likes is what will make u a better lover. I know that much lol
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 I don't think you are BAD in bed, I just think that everybody has different experiences with different partners. You and your ex didn't seem to have a good sex life, this does not make you bad in bed, it just means that you both didn't connect sexually. You are with this new girl now, so wipe the slate clean, just enjoy exploring a sex life with her and seeing how it goes. Don't look back on the past just look forward to the future.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Sometimes, I think people "overthink" sex.... I believe that "experts" will tell you that, when you approach sex like a game which will be judged, you pre-dispose yourself to focusing on the SCORE and not WHAT IS HAPPENING....
Thereby, you fail to relax and enjoy the moment, your partner, and the intense feelings that can - and should - be the greater part of the sexual experience....
I was baffled that you said that you discussed YOUR (self-perceived) sexual performance with this new gal-pal in advance of getting her in the sack....
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (18 May 2012):
The amount of self awareness you show is excellent, and personally, I think you have the hallmarks of someone who would be a good lover but you have just lost your nerve a bit and got out of practice. So the more you do it, the more you will get back into the groove.
I've had sex with a few men who just lay there like a dead fish, and yes, it is very disappointing. But it's all in the chemistry, as you know, just finding someone you truly do click with is the best foundation for good communication, and good sex. And someone you can have a laugh with and feel relaxed with.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Hi there,There isn't really a quick fix solution because as you know, everybody is different. Even for us females, we can be totally ourselves and love to move and be totally involved and reciprocate in everything but you will find one guy totally loves it if you move and go with the flow, and another guy will not want you to move and prefer you stay still. So it really is up to the two individuals concerned. You can be great with one person and not be compatible with another person - does not make you a bad "lay" just not compatible with that specific person. So no amount of "practice" will change that. Just be yourself, only be intimate when it really means something, as you have done, and as you communicate your feelings, thoughts and emotions into the act, it will be transmitted between the two of you. It's an expression of love, and can be amazing with the right person. Even with someone you are not compatible with, you can still make it the best you both can, with open honest communication, and if both are equally committed and willing to work on it. Good luck
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