A
male
age
30-35,
*nuckleHead
writes:Okay here's the story. I'm a college student currently in a relationship with a 17 year old girl. I'm 19 and even though I get clowned on for being with this girl because she's "underage"...we've both known each other for a few years now, even before I turned 18. Oddly enough, I originally met this girl on an internet message board. We talked A LOT on here and we both just happened to live in the same area.The first time I met her in person was naturally awkward, as neither of us knew what to expect from meeting each other, however eventually we started hanging out a lot more often. I just barely scrounged up the courage to officially ask her to be my girlfriend about 3 months ago and we've been going out since.Now here's the problems we have....neither of us have been in a real relationship before. Now at first we thought that would be a good thing as we figured we'd figure this thing out together.3 months later and we're pretty much in the same exact position we were back then. Before I met her, I had honestly never even made out with anyone and I was nervous to even kiss her. After about a month of "being together" she started to kiss me, it was awkward and I messed up horribly on the kiss and felt horrible after. The next couple days I tried again, this time I initiated it and it went a lot better. So that part worked out....now we're both virgins too, so sex would be the next thing in the relationship. However she, to this day, insists that she's not ready and I understand. I'd never want to pressure her into it. The problem isn't that she won't have sex with me, it's that she won't communicate to me about it...or about almost anything for that matter.This goes back to when I said before about how neither of us have been in a relationship before...and naturally, both of us are very ignorant on how this relationship is supposed to work....in short, she doesn't know how to be a girlfriend and I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I try to be the sweet romantic boyfriend that I've always wanted to be but it just never happens....things always seem forced and awkward and she just doesn't respond to a lot of the things I do. I've always known she's been shy all her life, and it's like my main goal to get her to open up around me and I just can't seem to do it. I want her to feel comfortable around me, but it's like I'm doing something wrong.I've told her how frustrated I am that we can't move this relationship forward...and I'm gonna be completely honest here, in my opinion, sex is really important to me...I'm a guy and naturally I have needs. However, I've told her I can wait no matter how frustrating it is. I just want her to be able to communicate with me more...it seems to both of us that we're really just friends who make out and give each other hickies for fun...What exactly can I do to get her to open up and talk to me more?
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (23 November 2010):
 You have only been a couple for 3 months, so the relationship is still quite young! This is her first relationship, so you don’t want to pressure her into moving any faster than she is comfortable with. If you do, she will resent you, and she will find it even harder to get intimate with you. I don’t see a big deal with a 17 yr old dating a 19 yr old… probably because I did the same thing when I was a 17… but some parents might have a problem with this age difference. Have you met her parents and do they know you are 19? If so, do her parents approve of your relationship?Anyhow… she has let you know that she is not ready for sex, so you need to respect that. It doesn’t mean you can’t fool around and please each other ways. You said you two conquered the awkward first kiss, and are comfortable kissing now. Then you said, “now we're both virgins too, so sex would be the next thing in the relationship.” Slooooooow down!!! What happened to all the other steps in between? I think this where the problem lies. You need to move super slow. Have you done anything other than kiss… like foreplay… without the sex? Since you are both new to this kind of stuff, you might want to get a book like the Joy of Sex… and read it together. I realize you are a 19 year old man with raging hormones, and you are eager to move forward at a faster pace… but your girlfriend will be much more receptive to your advances if you take things at a slower pace. Good luck!
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Perhaps, since she doesn't know how to be a girlfriend, she doesn't know how to communicate with you. I had the same problem with my bf (we've been together for two years)I didn't have relationship experience before we got together and he has taught me a lot. One of the biggest things I was lacking was communication.
He sat down with me. He told me that he loves me and said that I can talk to him about anything, no matter what it is or how embarrassing it is to me. He told me that he will never judge me or tell anyone else what we talk about. I never had that trust before. Ever.
Let her know that she can talk to you about anything, no matter what it is and that you will wait for her to be ready before you have sex. She needs to know that you aren't mad at her for not being ready. (which is awesome by the way.) She needs to know that the communication is there, she just has to pick up the phone.
Date her. Take her out on dates. Stay in and watch movies, go out on a double date with friends. People bond when they do things together.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
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