A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:"sorry just have alot on my mind.. haven't really wanted to talk to anyone lately i guess. tryin to clear my head and concentrate on my test also""no i don't want you out of my life, i guess i just need a lil space right now"and the night b4 she told me she missed me.. wtf!?! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell they broke up tonight...
so thnx for all the insight =]
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Now that I have read your update, I can tell you but to move on. Don't waste your time, and don't bang your head against a wall. Spare yourself the heartbreak. It is absolutely clear that she won't be coming your way. And it's so, so good that it isn't so. You are free to find someone who will love you, and who will appreciate the love you give to her.
I'm talking this way because I've been there, man. I'm giving you the best advice I can, as if you were myself.
From what I read, she has someone else. She had this someone else while she was seeing you. And now, she asks YOU for one month of space "to decide whether she stays with the other guy or not". So, she is not asking HIM for space. She is telling YOU to stay away while she is with the other guy. For her, you're disposable.
Stand your ground. She has you on a leash, and she asks you for space because she knows that she can pull the leash to bring you to her side whenever she wants to.
Now, let's talk about the "not being able to talk to anyone". I suppose this means she hasn't talked to the other guy?
How honest and caring is it to entertain the love, affection or attention (whatever the name you want to give it) of two people at once? She did just that. She doesn't care about either you or him, but she cares about you a hell of a lot less than she cares about the other guy.
If he is so bad to her, how come she doesn't leave him? She had no problem asking YOU for space. How come she can't ask the other guy for space, too?
She said she wants you "in her life". What is the role she wants you to play? Whatever the role is, it will depend on whether she makes up her mind about being with the other guy or not. What if she wants you to be "the second man" forever?
You're not being selfish and insecure. You're not selfish if you want the person you love for yourself only. You're not selfish if you want to be treated with respect and decency.
And you're not insecure. The situation you're in is the least secure you can be in. What you're feeling is right, according to the circumstances.
I wonder if you will take my words for what I intend them to mean. This will sound very harsh and excessive. It is always easier to think that she wouldn't be unkind to you. But she is.
Once, I heard the phrase "love is unconditional, but relationships are not". I very much agree with it. As I see it, this is her offer for you: "stay away from me while I make up my mind whether I take you or not. In the meantime, I will continue to see another man". This is a very bad deal. Don't take her no matter what. You deserve a lot better than being the doormat.
The best thing that can happen to you is that she goes away.
Don't ever contact her again. She's BAD. Enjoy your freedom and use your time to find someone who will give you the true love you are feeling for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it's not just a test...
it's a state cosmetology test in which she went to school for...
we agreed on not seeing each other for 30 days and got 18 left...
i really do care for her so i'm gonna wait it out...
i think i've just been selfish and insecure a lil and am gonna stop myself from contacting her for the rest of the 18 days...
maybe a 'i still miss you' once in a while to show her i still care...
we both agree what we have is special and that it's like a once in a lifetime thing...
hope things workout...
she's also currently deciding if she wants to stay with this guy that's not good to her during the 30 day break...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (22 October 2007):
Let's see:
A) You asked her why she hasn't talked to you the way she used to. She said the reason is she hasn't talked to anyone (which I wouldn't take to mean "anyone" verbatim) and she is concentrating on her test (good ol' "I'm busy").
B) You asked whether you should go away. She said no, but asked for "space". Which sounds like "leave me alone".
C) This comes after she says she misses you. That is, you got A) and B) right ("She wants me to go away") but you feel confused as to why the day before she said the opposite of A) and B)("I miss you"). Whatever the explanation, this is two strikes and one ball. The prospects are very bad.
At the very least, she is confused about what she wants with respect to you. But, most likely she hasn't found a way to dump you without feeling awful. When people do want you by their side, they say that unequivocally. No hints, no contradictions: direct words. This is a hard lesson to learn, but one that's worth learning.
If I were you, I would simply stay away from her. If she wants to come your way, she will. If not, you won't make it harder for you or her.
Move on and be happy.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Confusion, depression, excuses, protector,or mind games? She may really be too stressed to carry on conversation or spend time with you. Problems with depression could also be zapping her emotional and physical energy. It is also possible that she is no longer into you and just can't bring herself to tell you for fear of hurting you. Another possiblitiy would be mind games or playing you. Any of all of the above could also be used as excuses for the comments.
It is not unusual to miss someone with whom they have spent alot of time. Sometimes it is an earnest reply because they miss you in a special way. At any rate give her space, let her get her head cleared as she stated. Be calm and patient. Wait it out if you care for her. Only time will tell. Best of luck to you and Godspeed.
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