A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this may be a bit out there, but here goes...A few weeks ago I was introduced to a guy by a friend who had been talking this guy up to me for months. I was crazy anxious about the whole thing, because I don't like having attention put on me like that. Anyways, we met, I was awkward af, nothing came of it. A few days later I run into him, and without saying anything to each other we lock eyes (the first time I met him I avoided his eyes due to nerves)... I don't even know how to describe how I felt in that moment... it was like everything got really quiet, I felt completely comfortable, my mind was free of all of my normal insecurities, the silence wasn't awkward, and we just stood there and looked at each other with stupid grins on our faces. Putting the feeling into words isn't doing it justice. I don't know how long we stayed like that, it felt like forever and was definitely longer than a "normal" look lasts. We didn't talk though.Unless I am in an awkward situation, I have no problem making eye contact with people, so I do it quite regularly, but I have NEVER felt ANYTHING like this. I don't even find this guy particularly attractive, so I know it's not my mind fabricating fantasy. I told a friend about it, and she asked if it felt like I had know him forever, and I don't think it did, but I don't know how to describe how it felt exactly either... Like I was home... Like I didn't have to worry about anything. I don't know. My friend, who is quite spiritual, said maybe it was a soul connection, which I'm not sure I believe in, perhaps because I've never met anyone who has had one. Has anyone here met a "soulmate"? What did it feel like?Thanks Aunts :)
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female
reader, Greene +, writes (29 April 2018):
Hi there -- I think that's pretty cool to experience and it certainly might be an indicator that you and he are right for SOMETHING... but you don't yet know what it is. A nice next date? A nice next date but won't really like each other the third time? Sex? Friendship with some kind of kindhearted, familial bond? Eventual wonderful, romantic love?
I felt the eye-contact feeling you describe once too, when I was 24. I woke up the next day after meeting the guy in question (talked for a few hours at a party) and felt a surprising, wonderful feeling of peace; it just made sense, we had a lot in common! Nothing to doubt! Nothing about myself to worry about! I also felt at home.
But then I got to know him--did activities with him. We certainly were in the ball park for each other -- that initial sense wasn't all wrong -- but no, he wasn't my "home" (unfortunately). I didn't have enough interest in him, and I don't think he did for me.
Anyway, your experience sounds great, but to me it seems a little strange that you're lingering on the moment, that one nonverbal moment... Meet him again! Talk to him! Find out what's going on! There's nothing on the line here; it will all work out. It's ok to be nervous. Be sloppy. Don't take yourself too seriously, as much as you can. See what's coming up for you! And remember that unless you lock yourself up in some horribly isolating life situation, another surprising, brilliant connection with someone else is on the way, if you don't end up cementing things with this guy.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 April 2018):
 No, I wouldn't read too much into it. There's no such thing as soulmates. It's nice to romanticize about such things in novels and movies but don't get carried away by all this in real life. If this were a movie then he would have swooped you into his arms and you would have loved happily ever after by now! Thankfully, reality is different. Why? Because reality involves common sense, maturity and practical wisdom. You cannot and should not fall for someone you know nothing about. It's terribly silly and even dangerous, in today's day and age. You might think you have this amazing connection and you've never felt like this before but that's all rubbish.
Get to know a person really well before you form an opinion. Attraction, yes, I can understand but not this soul connection nonsense. Even though he's not your type, you'll be surprised how you'll end up being attracted to a lot of people like these. Attraction and lust knows no "type".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2018): Oops!
I meant: "Get that soul-mate nonsense out of your head!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2018): Please, there is no such thing as a "soulmate!"
Don't get caught-up in greeting-card references to real-life adult romantic-connections. That childish-concept of love and relationships gets a lot of young people (especially women) into serious trouble, and many tender-hearts broken.
It's naive and immature. You get a pass, because you're so young; and love should come wrapped in a pretty box with a bow. Just snap out of it before you decide to pass your heart on to someone.
You are still very young; so it is likely you may meet more than one; if not several guys, who cause the same effects. There are no soul-connections; and please don't let your friend get you all caught-up in fantasy and unrealistic notions about natural-attraction. I'm not debunking spirituality; just silly perceptions people have when they meet someone they really "think" they like; until they actually get to know them.
You must be mature and level-headed when you meet a nice-guy. Put forth your best foot, and take the time to get well-acquainted; to see if all those first-contact reactions are consistent, justified, and have any real depth. He may be very handsome; and visual-images of people also play on our emotions. Especially, when you want to believe first-impressions of people are real; and initial-chemistry means more than just a "good-vibe."
I don't care what you're told about soul-mates, that is an unrealistic term that has no factual-basis in love or relationships.
I met someone strolling on a beach when I was only 16. We were both on family vacations. We instantly hit it off, and we became pin-pals. Didn't have cell-phones in those days. Our friendship grew, we came out of the closet; and the real romance didn't actually happen until we were older, and understood what true-feelings of love and attraction are!
He became my partner and mate for 28 years. He died of cancer. Some years later, I met someone else. He made me happy, we got along famously, the sex was out of this world; but he blindsided and dumped me. No fight, no disagreement, and I didn't see it coming. Crushed me! I came to DC, and wrote all about it. They helped me to heal and recover through venting and writing about my feelings.
A few years later, I'm in the plant and flower department of a home-supply store. This tall hottie with big muscular-arms with these beautiful Japanese tattoos asks me where I found the plants I had in my cart. I got tongue-tied and sweaty! It's like I saw him across the way, next thing he's right there in my face! He walked right past the area I got the plants to get to me. We kind of lingered until we let on, we're both gay. A big guy like that? That was a risky move on my part, but he approached me! We exchanged numbers. That was five years ago as of April 12th! Still together!
Moral to these stories. You can meet the love of your life more than once. No one is a soul-mate. There could be dozens of great guys that are a perfect match for you. Just getting tongue-tied or locking eye-contact doesn't mean anything; but your hormones are on overload. Anything real is consistent, durable; and will stand the test of time, and disagreements. It grows and evolves. It heals after bruises.
Keep both feet planted firmly on the ground. Get to know him, his ways, the range of his temper, and how consistent he is in showing you how much he likes you. Don't approach this like a love-struck teenager. You're a woman and an adult now.
Don't get too eager and look to hear the words "I love you;" before you've seen the proof of it in his actions with your own eyes! When you can feel it even from a distance.
Get that soul-mate nonsense out of your heard!
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