A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend one month ago, the reason of the break up was an accumulation of many reasons and things he did.He is 25 and I am 35 years, we had up and down relationship , with great moments and bad moments. I give him a lot, I really loved him, he was everything, but I wasn’t sure if he truly loved me, as he cheated on me , I also was financially stable when we met, my lifestyle was very attractive to him, I was always confused if he was with me because of the money. Why we are apart, I lost most of my money in a bad investment and I wasn’t able to afford much, and wasn’t able to spend on two, I kept telling my ex to get a job, but he wanted to work as a drug dealer and I told him NO, and if you do that stay away from me, on that night, we fought and I dumped him, it was the biggest mistake I ever did, this pain will live with me for ever… I really care about him, I wanted him to find a job , I wanted him to be a better person, but he never listens to me, unless if I offer him a dinner at a nice restaurant, I tried to break up with him before but he always come back and talk and everything goes fine, but when I broke up this time, I thought that it will be for few days, he tried to explain and talk, but I shut him down and moved away, 2 days later I regretted this decision and contacted my ex, but he ignored me.One week after the break up, I went to his house and he asked him about getting back together, he said we will talk later, not now, he was so sad, so angry , while I was there he gave me chocolate, because he knows that I love it. It was confusing but it gave me a hope..We have been together for 3 years, I cannot believe that we are stranger now, I really wanted to make him a better person, YES I was over reacting but why he is not giving me any chance, I felt that he misses me, but the next day, I texted him, hey how are you? He didn’t reply, 2 days later I asked him if we can talk, I wanted to explain what I did, I apologized , he completely Ignored…Why he gave me a sign then changed his mind in less than 24 hours. Maybe he found someone ?Today, I wanted a paper that belongs to me and its with him, I called him, he didn’t answerI called from a different number, he told me that he moved to another city and he will never see me again, I didn’t believe him, I went to his old workplace and found him working there, he works as a waiter, once he saw me approaching him, he escaped inside the restaurant. He was so nervous, stressed and angry. I went inside and spoke to his manager, but they advised me to leave. I went to a dating consulting and explained the situation, she told me that he is seeking attention, and he wants you to put more efforts, text him, acknowledge your mistakes, promise him about a better future, tell him how much you miss him and so, I did text him, and I did, is texting him apologizing and asking for the last chance and he said NO… I told the consultant, she said, wait for more two weeks and approach him again with greater efforts. Should I give up? Or wait? He won and I lose, I feel that he is happy without me, all the memories are lies, we walk to a relationship and it ends, beginnings are always nice but everything has come to an end. This pain is just too hard, he was the most important thing in my life and now I am nothing to him, I am sad, disappointed, I miss him but he does not, I hate love , why I have feelings and he does not, why I care and he doesn’t , why he told me that * you are my life, my everything.Its not a question, I just need support, I was mistaken? I need love, love is amazing thing but …..
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 April 2018):
 I truly hope you are not paying that "dating consultant" because the whole "he just wants you to ..blah blah... it's just NO! You should LEAVE him alone. He is done with the relationship STALKING him is not going to want him to come back to you.
If you ARE paying the "consultant" you need to fire that idiot!
CUT all contact with this ex.
Find someone closer to your own age who can CARRY their own weight emotionally, financially and socially. I mean, seriously? He wanted to become a drug-dealer?! Is that sounding like a guy who had great future goals? Who is a potential long term partner?
OP, he USED you for your money and now that you don't have the same money to throw at him, he walked away. Probably out looking for another sugar-momma.
YOU CAN DO BETTER than this loser. Yes, I get it, you felt love towards him and such is life. If HE doesn't LOVE you anymore (if he ever did) then you can't MAKE him love you again.
BUT you can eventually find love with someone else. Just remember you can not BUY love.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 April 2018):
 Yes, leave him alone!
It couldn’t be more clear that he doesn’t want any interaction from you. A dating consultant? What the hell is that? I hope you didn’t pay for that service because it’s a load of garbage.
I’m struggling to see how breaking up with someone that you doubted loved you and only stuck around for your money was the worst decision of your life. Is that how desperate you are for love that you’ll let someone use you? You CANNOT change people. I have seen so many posts of people saying they wanted to change someone blah blah. It is impossible, it cannot happen. If someone wants to change they will do it because THEY WANT TO. You should of seen that it wasn’t happening and walked away and left it there. Left him to live his life how he wanted to whilst you found someone that compliments your lifestyle.
Draw a line under this, it’s done, finished. You have to realise now that the behaviour you’re showing is borderline harassing. He told you he has moved away because he is finished with you so showing up at someone’s work is absolutely NOT ACCEPTABLE. He has every right to get the police involved and get a restraining order against you if you carry on.
Accept that you’re not right for each other and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2018): You need to get a refund from that consultant. I've never heard such a profound pile of bullshit in all my life!
I'm a gay-man too; so let me give you a piece of advice.
Your relationship was based on you taking care of him. If it wasn't, you wouldn't have had to beg him to get a job! If he had a work-ethic, he would have always had one!
Drug-dealing would have never been considered as a means to earn money! You've got to be kidding us there! That's a major felony-crime! You shrugged that off like he suggested knitting mittens for kittens!
He's younger, so your infatuation is based on his youth, sex, and what seems to be a very romanticized-perception of the relationship. I have no problem with age-differences, as long as both parties contribute financially and emotionally to take care of each other. Not one paying the bills; while the other spends the money! Nothing could be more obvious!
You're not that much older; but money was more of a factor in that relationship than you care to believe, or admit!
Oh, how many times have I witnessed this same sob-story; over and over with some of my well-heeled middle-aged single gay-friends? Both male and female. They get all infatuated with much younger gay-people; and lose all perspective, and fall out-of-touch with reality.
Don't even try it, you can't tell them anything about their trophy-twink romances!!! Dressing like they're still in their 20's and acting-up the fool! I was so embarrassed for them! I like my men in my own age-group! Earning at least as much as I do, not much less, and no problem if they earn more. I don't need anything from them, I can take care of myself! Just as long as we can take care of each other!
It's not the age difference, it is the disproportionate financial-situation, and the unmatched level of experience. The relationship always calls for them to financially-support these romantic-pursuits; which always end in tragedy. Stolen-money, maxed credit-card debt, cheating, drug-abuse, domestic-violence; and ultimately, their heartbreak.
One ended-up in debt, lost his house, and faced some serious legal-problems; when it was found his much younger-ex robbed several of his neighbors, and unknowingly accepted stolen property as gifts. I mean, he should have known a 22 year-old who works temp-jobs (on and off) can't afford $2000 Dolce Gabbana sunglasses and Gucci! Seriously?!! As friends, we pitched-in, and we helped pull him out of that mess. Never again! He's on his own from here out!
I assure you, all this love and yearning you're professing for this kid is misguided; and doesn't make any sense, according to the story you've given us. It just seems like a lonely gay-man trying to turn a obviously opportunistic-moocher into the love of his life. Very dramatic, but foolish. Same old gay-story with a predictable ending!
Yes, as long as the money was rolling-in; and he enjoyed spending it, love was wonderful. So he gives you a call, makes all these plans of a reconciliation.
Now he's not talking to you? Pardon the cliche gay-speak, but Mary please!
Well, I guess he'll start listening once you sweeten the pot and give him financial-incentives to return. Like offer him to come home and he doesn't have to work! Please sir, this was meant facetiously, not as a suggestion!!!
Cut the romanticizing and act your age! Get a grip! Oh, and get your money back! Dump that stupid-ass con-artist of a consultant!
Man-up and get your head out of the clouds! You know better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): I understand your pain and frustration Hun, I've gone through a similar situation and I'm afraid all I can say to you is just get on with your life and forget this immature guy. The pain will ease and you will look back at this and realise you are worthy of so much better and you will get better and be treated like a princess. Please please don't text or contact him or go to his work ( you don't want to be seen as a stalker) anymore and just focus on your life and go out with your friends an have fun, I will tell you now in a couple weeks or month your ex will contact you but please ignore him or just block him or change your number . Start a fab new chapter of your life starting from now. Remember you are amazing and you deserve only the best in life. Good luck Hun. X
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 April 2018):
 Although you are both mature men, you are at a different stage in your life than he is. You are ready to settle down with someone and have a stable and loving relationship. He, on the other hand, is still "sowing his wild oats" and possibly still not sure what it is he is searching for.
Your financial stability will not have gone unnoticed, nor been unattractive to him. When you asked him to get a job, his spoilt little world suddenly imploded. I doubt he really wants to be a drug dealer (although you may know better); he was just trying to shock you into not making him get a job.Obviously he is now working (and not as a dealer). Perhaps he has suddenly realized that he doesn't need an older man supporting him financially? Perhaps he is enjoying his new found freedom?
If he is adamant that he will not speak to you, then you have to respect his decision, painful as it doubtless is. I think your only chance (and it is probably slim at best) is to back right off and stay away from him. Who knows? Perhaps once you are "gone", he will realize what he has lost and start to pursue you? If not, then you need to give yourself time to mourn the end of this relationship, then move on with your life. You cannot MAKE him love you, regardless of how much you love HIM.
Hugs. I know it is hard. But this too will pass. I promise.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2018):
 You now need to leave him alone. You cannot fix him and make him a better person, he needs to do that for himself, and if he wants to be a drug dealer then that is what he will do.
You need to stop listening to your consultant and start accepting the fact that the relationship is over. If you keep ringing and texting and turning up at his work he can have you arrested for harassment. You need to realize that the relationship is over now.
Yes it is difficult and upsetting but you will get over him in time.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (27 April 2018):
I read your problem twice and each time it sounds as though a love struck teenager is talking. You are a grown woman behaving like a teenager.
This man (boy) I should actually say, is not right for you. You did the right thing dumping him. Stop being desperate, have some dignity for god sake and move on from him.
He was with you because of your money and now you don't have any he is gone out of your life. Why would you want someone like that?
You need a mature, well mannered, mentally stable, happy man in your life.
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