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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: What does it mean when someone says 'I need to work on myself first'? I can't think of what this means at all and how they do that....... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, marie.d  +, writes (31 May 2011):
my boyfriend told me tat 2 weeks ago.. well that he couldn be wit me cuz he has too much goin on in life.. but now he ignores me because he doesnt want to explain to me exactly why and wat was goin on.. i stuck with him through alot of things and was always there wen he needed me.. its hard to know wat people mean when they say it.. but one thing is dont wait for this guy if he shows no sign of coming back.. i kno it hurts cuz im hurtin like crazy myself but as everyone says it will get easier.. and hopefully soon x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Whilst it can mean they're not interested, it is far from the only option. I can tell you this because I'm in the same situation, but on the other side of it all.
A girl I've been getting on with, mostly online to be fair, but we see each other in person often enough although I'm much more quiet then, recently got me into a situation where I admitted that I was going to ask her out a while ago. I told her that I didn't because I was working through some issues I have right now, and wasn't in the right place to do so. She was supportive about this and encouraged me to get over those issues, which is a good thing. Now, I do like her. I am interested. But right now my inability to properly communicate with her in person would be such a bad way to start any sort of relationship that even though I like her, it'd not be a good thing right now. I mean, I will probably be over these issues sooner rather than later, and I have a big event coming up which will probably change me for the better so yeah. It really is me, and not her! Maybe this is the case for you too.
However, don't feel like you need to wait or anything. If someone else comes up, go with it. You're just single now. Keep her in mind, and you can try again later (but when it seems appropriate, don't just keep bringing it up or you'll seem needy) but don't rely on it. Always a shame when the timing is wrong.
The cop-out answer some have told you it will be could also be true, unfortunately. You need to be honest with yourself on that one based on how she is around you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 whether they genuinely mean this or not, the outcome is the same. they are not available for a relationship with you. i know it is hard and you want them to change their mind but seriously you need to back off from them and get on with your life. maybe at some time in the future they may want to be with you, but don't put your life on hold waiting for this to happen
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): It may mean that they wanna make themself better. Maybe they think they are not good in some things and want to satisfy themselves with the thought that they are good in it.
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female
reader, Soconfusedanymore  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 Hmm...could be they truly need to work on themselves (as I myself can actually relate to that)... But.. I have also used that as an infamous (but not in so many words) break up line. Do you see issues in this person? Is this something you have previously talked about? (about counseling, psychiatric treatment?)Everybody needs a little time away-awesome line in a song and can reign true in many cases. Give this person sometime if it is legit, if not, throw up a peace sign. One thing is certain, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and you are young enough to be able to find who u r truly meant to be with..minus the issues. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): It means they don't want to be with you so it's the classic "it's not you, it's me" line. The attraction isn't there for them.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 It means that they need some time for themselves when they need to introspect and reflect upon and review their actions and thoughts.
But it depends really in what context this was said. It's also a one of the classic pseudo compassionate break-up lines, like,"It's not you, its me".
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 It means they want to make sure they are in the right state of mind or in the right state of general life. It means they have issues or perhaps inner demons that need dealing with before they can handle something else. Usually its a personal journey.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): This is a good thing, if it's true and they mean it.Most people have or will throughout their lifetime develop psychological or emotional issues (just from accumulating negative life experiences) that can get in the way of forming and sustaining healthy relationships. Some people have more serious issues than others depending on their past experiences and early life. Some times these issues are due to biological chemical imbalances in the brain that make people be negative or have difficulty with handling emotions. Some times these issues negatively impact whoever they are in a relationship with (like if the person with issues becomes very negative or having a short temper, for example). Other times, these issues are self-torturing and make the person find it difficult to concentrate on anything else meaning they won't be a good romantic partner anyway. Other times, these issues could be due to simply not having learned effective ways to deal with other people like communicating. when someone says they need to work on themselves first, what they mean is that they recognize that they have character flaws or personal problems or emotional baggage (from whatever source) that can seriously interfere with having a good relationship. And that they are trying to change themselves to become a better person so they don't be a crappy romantic partner and/or so they don't stress themselves out while in a relationship with someone else.If you get into a relationship with someone with strong emotional baggage or character flaws or personal issues, you will get hurt by that person. If such a partner refuses to admit that it was their fault, then they will never change and as long as you stay with them you will continue to get hurt. But if they say they need to work on themselves first, it means they realize that they do need to take responsibility to change their habits to become better people. this is a good thing.how do people "work on themselves?" it could mean spending a lot of time in self-introspection thinking about their character flaws, thinking about why they always feel or behave a certain way in certain situations that are a problem, and trying to develop new and better habits to replace those flaws, and actively monitoring how they are responding to situations that previously made them negative. It could involve seeing a therapist or counselor for help in how to think about stuff differently in a way that's less negative. it could involve reading self-help books or talking with friends or people who are supportive.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 May 2011):
 most likely in relation to the fact that they believe they have issues within themselves that they need to fix first before they can give themselves fully in a relationship.but really, what this means in actuality? they aren't interested. it's a cop out.
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