A
female
age
36-40,
*amanthablax
writes:Ok...I have come out of a 6 year relationship about 5 months ago and have recently met an amazing guy, been seeing him for about 2 months now. I really think i am falling for him. But he said to me were take things slow? He said instead of rushing into a relationship he wants to want me instead of have me.. what does that mean?? he said he really likes me, cares for me alot and has feelings for me.Also he said he's sure that it will become a happy ending. He comes round every eve and i see him at weekends. I also have two children from the past relationship, he is great with them also. I really want to be with this guy. But he will freak of if i use the L word, What shall i do?? please help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): His comment means he doesn't feel towards you what he has felt when he's had to really pursue and earn a relationship...guys get a massive thrill in the chase. Perhaps you slept with him right away or he didn't have to date you to sleep with you. He isn't falling in love with you so the practicalities, like you having two kids, are standing out more.
He's not going to commit to you but doesn't want to give up the sexual relationship either. There's no "happy ending" when he won't commit. See the contradiction? He's just biding time until he finds what he wants and he'll gradually phase you out.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 What you have here is a very crafty guy who knows how to couch his intentions in various terms which are meant to confuse you..... as evidenced by your submittal, here...
This is a variant on the "4-date" scheme in which a guy acts coy for an inordinate time, leaving the woman to believe that he's really "SUCH A GREAT GUY".... when, really, all he's doing is preparing to have s*x with you.... with YOU believing that you craved that s*x all along... because he "is such a great/loving/caring/kind guy. As you can tell, his foil is working....
Good luck....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Hello,
He is unsure. He may be worried about getting into things quickly and may also fear he may be your rebound. Also, he may be wondering about if he wants to take on two children and fears getting in to deep. One thing though, he may have good qulities as he hasn't rushed for sex with you. If he just wanted sex, then I believe he would have started this. Perhaps, he is genuine and needs to come to terms with you and your children and if this is the relationship he wants at the moment. But, I'm only guessing. I think you need to just carry on slowly and see what happens in a slow way. Don't rush sex or rush feelings of love and long term plans. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Basically it means he wants to feel that desire for you, when you really 'want' someone rather than rushing into it and sleeping with you right away.
This relationship has already gone far too fast, there is no way after 2 months he should be anywhere near your children because you dont know how this relationship is going to work - it is too new to introduce a man into your children's lives. Your children should be your priority, you should know that they cannot have men coming in and our of their lives because they will get attached and then get hurt when things go wrong. No man should be introduced to your children until you know for certain that this is going to last a VERY long time, otherwise you will do massive damage to your children and their ability to form attachments in the future.
But putting that to one side - if this guy wants to take it slow then that is a good thing, so stop worrying about what it might mean and literally take it slow. Cut down the amount you see him - that really is not healthy after 2 months to see him every night and every weekend. Your kids will become far too dependent on him too soon and you still dont know where this relationship is going.
Be careful - you have already rushed into this too fast and you need to take a step back now, slow things down and see what happens. Always have your kids wellbeing in the forefront of your mind and even if you might want to see him because you are falling for him, your kids are more important than what you want.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Okies  +, writes (6 March 2012):
ask him what type of relationship he is looking for with you..
An honest guy will tell you if he wants a COMMITTED relationship with you or not .. immediately.. not give answers like .. I want to take it slow and I'm not ready for a relationship..
I think the " I want to want you than have you " line stands for .. let me fool you into thinking I'm into you while.. I sleep with you and then leave you at the end.
Take care.
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