A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about this female friend that I am attracted to, although I am already in a relationship with another woman. When she is talking to me, she sometimes goes out to touch me but then stops just before. In one conversation, this happend 3-4 times in the span of a few minutes when I was sitting next to her for a group lunch. What does this mean? I have read that a woman touching you indicates that she could be interested in you, but she stops just before. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Fifthquadrant here again. Group lunch, eh? So, this is a work colleague. In that case she may be refraining from touching you in the company of others so as not to be seen as overly flirtatious. What you need to do is invite her to lunch in the canteen on a one on one basis. Keep things casual. No-one will suspect as long as you do not hide yourselves away in a little corner. She is bound to be a little more flirtatious with you during this 1 to 1 encounter. If so she may well touch you! If that's the case then keep the theme going for a couple of weeks/months (but mix in the group lunches otherwise the others will start to suspect!) and then ask her out for a drink. Key point to note is whether she behaves differently towards you versus her other male colleagues. Difficult for you to have an objective opinion on this of course since you evidently fancy her! Good luck once again...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Hello. Is she a work colleague? This is not clear from your post. When I was much younger I had a 21 year old woman waggling a pencil in my ear at work and standing so close to me I literally had to physically push her out of my personal zone - she was virtually in my lap. She probably thought that this was normal office behaviour (either that or her pencil was genuinely blunt). When you do this to a lonely guy who lives in a bed-sit then he is bound to take this as an indicator of interest. I asked her out and everything went horribly wrong. She even gave me the bird (i.e. brandished her middle finger at me!) at one point. That all ended in tears (mine, not hers). Still, I was young and inexperienced. Now I'm much older - but only a little more experienced. A few years ago I met a woman at work. We were not actually working together at the time, but she was throwing off friendly vibes. I teased her a little and she reached out to touch my forearm/hand and then pulled back (she was only recently married!). A few years later the situation evolved to the point where I asked her out. She declined. So really the tone of our relationship was defined in the first few minutes of talking with her all those years ago, i.e. that I was a cheeky chappy dropping hints that I would be prepared, some day, to try and take this to the next level whereas she was able to consciously 'filter' her actions. Basically your lady is sending out mixed messages. She is not behaving 'naturally' i.e. she is filtering her behaviour. Perhaps she knows you are interested but is not interested in you and is being careful not to send out the wrong impression. So she could well have tuned in to some of the vibes you are throwing off. If she was totally comfortable in your presence she would be touching you regardless because flirting is fun and would not be thinking anything of it. So, if she touches you then obviously that's a good sign, but could mean she is totally comfortable in your presence i.e. no sexual tension. If she does not then maybe sexual tension is there - but in a bad sense since she does not want to send out the wrong message (i.e. she does not fancy you and is hoping you will have picked up on this). Or sexual tension is there in a good sense i.e. she likes you too but is hesitant to express herself naturally. Keep talking with her, check the body language i.e. mirroring, whether she exposes her wrists/breasts/buttocks to you, whether she laughs a little too enthusiastically at your bad jokes and if all else fails, whip out your ruler and start measuring her extent of pupil dilation (the more dilated the better of course!). If all the signs are positive over a period of the next two to three months (if she is a work colleague, less if otherwise) then damn you, Sir - ask the little nymphet out for a drink! Best of British luck to you! Let us know how you get on! Yours, Fifthquadrant.
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A
female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 you are definately picking up some vibes yes? when a woman goes to touch you(and im assuming its an innocent type of touch rite?) it usually means she has interest in you and what you are saying. Look for more signs thou like body language, her actions, what she says with others, etc.. maybe she is sending out subtle hints that she likes you but stops because she would rather you make the move to confirm what shes feeling. Women are known to be subtle in their approach. Does she know you are in a relationship? Perhaps this is why shes treading lightly too??.. Whatever the situation, do you want to pursuit more than friendship with her? Everyone loves to feel wanted and attractive to others.. so its up to you to handle it sweetee best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Gotta' say this initially just sounds like she has a personal habit of touching people or something and is just trying to keep control - esp. in a professional situation. Like, I have almost told a co-worker "love ya!" when I hang up the phone only because it is habit for me when I talk to my husband and I'm on the phone with him several times a day! Honest to gosh it is just my habit and has absolutely zilch to do with the person on the other end (except when it is DH). I'd watch her around other people to see if she does it, and if not I think I'd find it pretty odd if she only does it around you -- and I mean Odd - capital O! Otherwise, don't read too much into it -- if she is trying to be coy or forward in an awkward way it is time for you to put up some boundaries or at least make sure you aren't ever alone with her. On the flipside, if you are genuinely interested in her more than your other mate, then end the other relationship and pursue this one -- but don't double dip. That's just messed up.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 If this three or four attempts to touch you is all you have to think she's interested in you, then most likely she isn't. This seems like a good friend and nothing else.
Now, if you have more than this, please tell us, and perhaps we can help you.
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A
female
reader, BendychickP +, writes (6 September 2008):
 It could indicate that she does like you, but is unsure. The main reason for this could either be because you are already in a relationship or because she doesn't want to damage your friendship. Maybe point this out to her the next time she does it, she may not even realise. If your feelings towards your friend are strong enough, maybe think about pursueing a relationship. But break it off with the other woman first, cheating isn't exactly romantic. Good luck.Bendy xx
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