A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I would like to seek your opinion on the following situation and please let me know if I over reacted.My plane had just landed home from a trip to visit my boyfriend. We had a wonderful visit and he couldn't bear to see me leave. We had plans to see eachother again next month for the Holidays. In case some of you may ask, we are looking to move in together next year and he did propose it and we discussed it during this visit. He said he needs me by his side and cannot tolerate the distance any longer.Anyhow, back to the situation. My plane had just landed and I checked my phone to see if there are any messages from him. During all of my previous visits he's always texted me during my flight home at least 4-5 times in hopes that the plane has wi-fi connection and we can chit chat via text during my flight home. This particular flight I took did have wi-fi but it was $29.99, too expensive for a 6hrs flight, so I didn't buy it. After I landed, I checked my phone expecting to see several messages from him - but none. I waited for a bit as he also always checked my flight and knows exactly when I land and calls me right as I land. But no call. No texts and no call. So, I texted him letting him know I landed. Instead of getting the usual "Babe I miss you so much already", I got a rather cold "Hi How are you". I proceeded to ask what he was doing, in which he replied he was out at a Bar with his friend's younger cousin (a guy). He said something came up and he came out to have a drink with the guy. He also kept texting me 'call me' several times. I kind of got annoyed and texted him back "Why do you keep texting me to call you? Why don't you just call me?" Which I didn't get a reply to. After almost 10mins... now I'm off the plane walking to take Uber. I message him again 'Call me now' When he finally calls me I can hear he is still with the guy. He immediately asks me if Im taking Uber yet, I answer him Im waiting for Uber. He then says ok then call me back later. I called him back and he didn't pick up the phone. It wasn't until I was half way home in Uber that he called me back. I asked him why he didn't pick up my phone call and he said he wasn't done talking to his friend (apparently his friend got drunk and has issues with GF and parents). I got really upset because he ALWAYS made sure he stayed on the phone with me when I call Uber and during the ride home. He also always asked me to send a screen shot of my Uber ride so he knows what car and person. This time he didn't care. I told him what he did was wrong.. it's one thing to be there for your friend but they've been talking for hours. I should've been his priority when I landed and traveling home alone... it was 1:00am in the middle of the night. He made arrangements to meet up with the guy the next day, they could've continued their convo then. Do you think I should've been mad?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2016):
 You took this way to far. He told you he was out having a drink with a friend, so at that point you should have left him to it and said you would have texted him when you landed home safe. Instead you insisted on keeping in contact with him and getting mad. Sweetie I understand long distance is hard, but he explained to you his friend is having a hard time, it is rude when someone is talking to you to be on your phone all the time when they have problems. Stop being so selfish or you will end up losing him. You are being much to clingy and much to dramatic.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 October 2016):
 As someone in a long distance relationship, I know how vulnerable you feel when their behaviour changes, seemingly for no reason.However, you are overreacting. You could have called him. You could have sent him a picture of the taxi. You could have contacted someone else to ease your nerves about travelling so late alone (or not travel so late alone at all, any more).Instead, you reprimanded him for not following his usual pattern. Everyone has off days - he still texted you a bit, but he was with someone else and it's rude to keep texting or calling someone at the same time.If you want to live with him (or anyone), you need to realise that it won't always be the same routine. It can change gradually or suddenly, stay the same, switch around, etc. Don't get mad when you're not the priority because life won't allow you to be the priority every time you want to be or feel you should be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): You're off base.
You know he was busy. He asked you how you were. He asked you to call him. He asked if you were on the Uber. He wasn't as clingy as usual, but he still showed you he cared.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 October 2016):
 Ridiculous was exactly what I was thinking, as well.
I'm not going to repeat everything Aiden said, because he's already said it perfectly, but I will add that it's more than a little rude to ask someone-ANYONE-why they didn't answer immediately answer, call or text. Or for that matter to pry for information, even trivial, they haven't volunteered. It's very nosy, demanding and it gets a person's back up.
No one is obliged to make you their priority all day and all night, no matter how much they love you.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 October 2016):
I think you were being a bit ridiculous actually. Why should you have been his priority? You’d been his priority throughout your wonderful visit, I assume. What do you want him to do: sit around moping? He’d said goodbye to you and he’d gone out for a drink: shock horror! Did it even cross your mind that maybe he needed cheering up to after you’d left? Or were you so busy throwing a strop that your phone wasn’t pinging with a new message every 5 minutes that this hadn’t even entered your head?
I don’t mean to be rude but I really do think you overreacted. Maybe you were tired, or upset. Long-distance relationships are hard and can often leave both partners feeling very emotionally vulnerable. That, by the way, is why some independence and time with other friends is really important. So I get why you did what you did, but yes it was all a bit unnecessary. The good thing is that guys don’t really like drama and don’t tend to dwell on things, so if I were you I’d just try and forget about it too: tomorrow’s a new day and all that.
And one more thing: if he’s a private person, that’s probably why he didn’t want to say anything much on his calls and texts. Some people just prefer to keep their affection for private moments.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 October 2016):
 It is a golden rule in relationships - you never take your partner for granted. I think you have just cause to be mad. Where you take this is up to you but it sounds as if he would be happier living with his friend's younger cousin.
What you do next is open to debate.
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