A
male
age
51-59,
*irius70
writes:I have to admit I am a little over 40 and still an adult virgin. I am a little naive and socially awkward guy but I believe that being a virgin for so long, that I probably have shot myself in the foot, figuratively dating wise with any future woman. I think I can work my social shyness out and maybe find a meaningful relationship. How should I approach the subject, if I get intimate with a woman and she wonders why I seem so inexperienced? Is a guy over 25 and still a virgin always a negative? Will I get kicked to the curb? Your insight would be appreciated.
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male
reader, Sirius70 +, writes (13 February 2012):
Sirius70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
The reason I have not dated is social anxiety, I get over stimulated at the slightest stimuli. I also don't have the natural aggressiveness that most men have, even though I am attracted to women. I feel that it is held against me for being different.
I seek out to have a normal adult relationship but the intent should be fully understood (intimacy, no sex) before anything happens.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): What is your reason for not having sex - because you cannot pick up girls? or you wanted to wait for the right girl?Have you dated, been in a relationship?Whatever it is.. people at the most will be shocked knowing your sexual status.. but that is it.. I think.I would focus more on having a relationship.... When you have a wonderful relationship going most women will be patient with the sex issue. And maybe from there on .. you can work on that .I do not think its necessary for you to mention this to every woman... If you find a woman whom you would want to be in a relationship with.. then after a few dates.. and if things seem to be proceeding somewhere.. you can mention this to her and leave it to her.. You have tons of time for a relationship.. you can learn enough about sex in just a year :P.. just find the right girl.. and keep an open mind.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 February 2012):
 A guy over 25 and being a virgin kicked to the curb? Most likely not.
Over 40 and a virgin? Will get you some shocked faces and maybe kicked to the curb.
I'm not saying there's no women out there for you, surely there are. I can't speak for majority of women, but I didn't even care to deal with a virgin who was 24. ONLY because with me being his first, he was completely clingy, possessive, and serious control issues. He was alright in the sack, needed improvement, but I just couldn't handle his emotional aftermath.
Anyways, it's something I would casually mention on the first date, way before you hit the sheets. See if they can handle it and then proceed from there.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 February 2012):
Well, it is quite unusual, yes. That said, I don't think it should withhold you from getting into a relationship with someone. But you will have to really work on your social shyness now and really put effort in overcoming it and being more comfortable and confident if you still want a shot at this.
Also, you don't have to tell any potential girlfriend that you're a virgin if you don't want to. If you get to the deed and she notices your awkwardness, simply tell her that you're a bit nervous about pleasing her, because she's so special to you. She'd probably be happy to guide you. So listen and observe well, and if you really want advice about sex, read this article by a fellow Dear Cupid user: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
But that's all for later. Personally, in your place, I'd try to work on myself first. Get any issues sorted out, maybe even try some counseling.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (13 February 2012):
 I hope you find someone who suits you-who makes you feel comfortable and is understanding of your situation. I was in the same place til 35. Yeah, we're the minority, but there are more like us & there are people who understand us. And it never hurts to get pointers from pros or therapists or friends on how to work on our social awkwardness. Good luck!
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