A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some advice and I hope you can help me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part (at least in my mind) it's been good. I've enjoyed spending time with him and he's always made me laugh. I've loved him more than anything and I've always been there for him. About a year ago we broke up for a month. I didn't want to, but he did. We remained friends throughout. He then signed up for several dating sites. It hurt because I still loved him. He would talk about the women who would message him and who's numbers he got, but for some reason or another, none of them worked out. So he wanted to get back together with me. I took him back because honestly I thought it was a one time thing and wouldn't happen again. I thought it was something he needed to get out of his system. He deactivated the profiles, and we basically went back to the way we were. I was happy with him. But now, nearly a year later, I looked at one of the profiles and discovered he had been on it again. He was acting different toward me and I got suspicious, so that's the first place I thought to look. I confronted him about it and he says he did it because he was "bored," and "not to worry because all the girls on there were horrible looking." Really?! I don't get it. I work out 5 times a week and try to make myself look nice. I'm supportive of him and I'm always there to help him when he needs it. I really don't know why I'm not enough for him, but it's terribly depressing. I think I should just dump him but then I wonder..."What if I'm not enough for the next guy either?" What if they do the same thing too? I'll admit to having VERY low self esteem, but I was never like this before I met my bf. So I don't know what to do. I'm in tears right now. Any advice would be appreciated. x
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broke up, get back together, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Hello,
I'm the original poster.
I wanted to write back to thank everyone for your advice. It really did help me see that it wasn't ME but him, which made me feel a lot better.
And just to update...we have broken up. The final straw came when he asked me to have a threesome with him and another guy. I loved him and was willing to do almost anything to make him happy, but I refused to do that. I can't imagine why he would want me to do it if he really cared for me. But to make a long story short, we got into a huge argument about it and I just had enough, so I ended it.
I think it will be a very, VERY long time before I get into another relationship. I really need time to sort myself out again.
Thanks again for all your helpful advice. xx
A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (13 February 2012):
 He is young ;) You are young ;) Remember that ((some)) guys his age are very inmature. Get rid of him... Sounds like he needs to go out and sew his oats. You should go out and have some fun! There are so many awesome guys out there :) Lots of jerks too unfortunately... Don't become the "fall back on girl" ... It would be an insecurity on your end taking him back time and time again... Know your better than him! Go enjoy yourself and you will eventually meet the good guy that you deserve ;)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Dump him. Sounds like ONE woman (regardless of who it is) will NOT be enough for him…’
This is not personal. It’s not about YOU it’s about him… don’t take his bad behavior as a reflection on you….
Dump him. Get into some counseling to build your self-esteem and sense of self….
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Seems to me that he is with you till he finds "greener grass", not because he wants to be with you or/and love you.
Honey, I'd set him free and find yourself a guy who can see what's right in front of him. Instead of your current BF who is on the "quest for the "perfect" woman".
It is not you, it really is HIM.
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A
female
reader, delightful84  +, writes (13 February 2012):
Just because he is dating site dependant does not mean other men are. I think he`s a sad man really. If he needs dating sites to make him feel good about himself, then long term prospects are not very promising.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): You may not realise it, but he is abusing you.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Just dropped mine after 15 months. He preferred his online social flirting and dating SIMS (not even real people) to the flesh & blood who was before him & loved him & gave him lots of attention. Some people (guys & girls) will always need the attention of others for the excitement & affirmation. You are worth more to a real man than that. A week ago a guy came out of nowhere contacting me on Facebook. He's been thinking about me for a year & is lavishing me with attention-& it's mutual! What a difference! Seriously, hold out for someone new to sweep you off your feet. Guys like your ex are a dime a dozen. But there are good one's waiting to find you! I've struggled with low self-esteem, too. Get yourself "out" because there are people who will want to love & encourage you. A little visit with a counselor doesn't hurt either. You are a precious soul. Remember that! XD
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 February 2012):
 It is youth. It is because there are plenty of "other" fish in the sea. It is because the grass is always greener on the other side. It is because the world is full of adventure. It is because of lust. These are things that you will better understand someday, but your boyfriend is simply not ready to settle down.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): "I really don't know why I'm not enough for him, but it's terribly depressing."
You've got it backwards, he's not enough for you.
"I think I should just dump him but then I wonder...'What if I'm not enough for the next guy either?' What if they do the same thing too?"
That's exactly what he wants you to think, so you won't leave him and he'll be the one who can't get anyone else.
"I'll admit to having VERY low self esteem, but I was never like this before I met my bf."
Your "bf" is deliberately further sabotaging your self-esteem to drag you down to his level. He's the loser with no self-esteem who knows you can do at lot better but he can't. Dump him now without a second thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Just dump him and try to forget him- he's a narcissistic, nasty idiot who tortured you with news of the new women he was dating after he dumped you. This guy is all about himself and his ego. You made a mistake to take him back, just forget it and move on. Try to stop loving him- he definitely isn't worthy of anyone's love. Good luck.
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