A
male
age
51-59,
*ertie66
writes:I had been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years - we broke up in April of this year - I suspected that she had been meeting with someone else for a while - as things hadnt been good for a while - she seemed to be trying to cause an argument all the time plus she started to cut me out of her life and she was becoming secretive about her phone.I initially ended it with her as I couldnt take it anymore - I went round to her house the next day but all she would say was its over Ive moved on and you dont get it do you - A couple of days later I went to see her and she said that an old friend was taking her out - two days later she emailed to say dont contact her again as she was now in a relationshipFor a couple of months I was in despair and contacted her by txt email etc trying to reason with her - she either sent a reply saying sorry dont love you anymore or didnt reply at allEventually I decided I should write her a note and wished her well and did not contact herAfter about a month she sent me an email all friendly asking if I was ok and wishing that I was doing wellAfter avoiding the question and just chit chat she asked me again - I said I missed her - then nothing - no reply - several months have gone by and another email - again asking if I was ok - this time I just said yes Im ok - but when I asked her if she was ok the frostyness came backThis is now starting to really affect me - yes i love her - but at least when there is no contact - I know how it feels and can cope I guess - but when the email comes - Im torn between ignoring it or answering it but know that once I say yes im ok - the conversation stops and Im left confusedWhat do you think is going on in her mind?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 October 2009):
 There's no real way of knowing what is going on with her or why she feels the need to contact you every few months or so - we can only speculate and that wont help you.
You were together for a couple of years - so generally when a relationship lasts that long it is difficult for feelings to disappear completely, so there is a chance that she still cares for you and wants to ensure that you are doing well.
On the other hand, she may be one of those types of women that take pleasure in knowing that their ex is still hung up on them and she may want to keep you dangling just in case things go wrong with her new man so she has you as a back-up option. Some women just like knowing that their ex isnt over them - so whenever you tell her you still love her or that you miss her it really boosts her ego. So she gets her kick from you and thats why she doesnt need to reply to that email, she has got what she needs from your reply.
Either way none of this actually makes a difference to your situation - she was cheating on you, left you for another man and is now (for all you know) happy with him. What you have left is your dignity and your self respect - dont allow her to come back into your life as and when she chooses, so that you end up questioning yourself like you are doing here. She has no right to have any control over your emotions anymore yet she is continuing to prolong your feelings for her.
What you need to do is change your phone number, email address - any possible way for her to contact you needs to be removed. In your case no contact is the best option - you need time and space to get over her fully without running the risk of her emailing you again and sending you right back to where you started.
You just have to accept that it is over, and accept she is not part of your life anymore. She treated you so badly, and you deserve so much better than her. Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are still missing her or still in love with her - move on without even telling her and she will be the one questioning everything and wondering why you havent replied. She is enjoying keeping you dangling on a string waiting for her to contact you - she has all the control and power in what is left of your relationship. It is time to take back the control from her - move on, dont contact her ever again and get out there and find a woman who really loves you and treats you well.
The best thing you can do is to move on and be happy - that will be the hardest thing to swallow for her because right now she is loving the fact that she is happy with her new man and you are sad and alone. Forget about her completely - she is not worth another minute of your time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 October 2009):
She's either doing it out of politeness or guilt, or she's doing it to keep you on a leash or something. either way, better to end contact.
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A
male
reader, bertie66 +, writes (11 October 2009):
bertie66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thanks what do you think she is up to
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 October 2009):
Leave her to it. She's not interested and this has no future. Don't email her and when she emails you, don't reply. You have to end all contact to get over her. She's not the one for you.
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