A
female
age
30-35,
*non1560
writes:This guy I've been hooking up with, seeing, hanging out with...not sure what to call it, is confusing me so much. I'm so unsure of how he feels towards me. Right now, I would describe our relationship as FWB. We met at work. At work, he remains very professional and doesn't say much to me in the way of personal conversation. This throws me off, I know he can't be oogling me and flirting with me at work, but I'm just being honest. However, people can tell we are hanging out, and a couple of people have even asked me about it. When we hang out, we usually get a bite to eat (we usually split the bill, and it's not like going out on a date) chill and then have sex. There's been a few times where we didn't have sex. Sometimes, we hang out afterward. Most of the time we cuddle for an hour or two then I leave. In the past couple of weeks though, there have been two instances where I have spent the night. We hang out and then we have sex and then he cuddles with me. At times, we talk about some pretty serious stuff that's going on in his life..and he is not expressive at all. He hates talking about these things, his life/problems, feelings, he is emotionally guarded. He doesn't tell me I'm pretty nor beautiful nor hot nor gorgeous, he just recently told me I'm cute and that I do cute things. He does just stare into my eyes sometimes...when I ask him why he's looking at me or what he's thinking about he just smiles or says, I just like looking at you. I'm not saying I need a guy to constantly tell me those things, I'm just not used to any guy NOT saying those things, so it confuses me. We act really silly around each other, we are able to completely be our 'weird' selves and I don't have to really put up any sort of front around him. He used to text me all the time, now he rarely texts me though. Could this be because he got the sex, now he doesn't feel like he needs to text me all the time? Or is he just a typical guy who doesn't analyze texting habits like girls do? We spontaneously decide to hang out most of the time, when we are working. That's when we make plans. Or we hang out after work. I'll also say that I usually let guys make the first move on everything, and I'm the least 'clingy' girl you'll ever meet...so he's not blowing hot and cold because he thinks I'm clingy or dramatic. So...what do you think his deal is? Does he just want to be friends with benefits, not that into me, scared of his feelings for me, shy?
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female
reader, peapod +, writes (27 May 2013):
He seems like a nice guy but your relationship sounds totally fwb. The spontaneity of the situation leads me see it only as fwb. He seems to appear shy and reserved because he started a new relationship with you. He most likely won't be an open book who wants to bond with stories of his life. He could eventually however as the friendship aspect of the relationship grows. His texting pattern also indicates its a new relationship. When you first meet someone they text you all the time to make small talk and get to know you. Now he knows you and doesn't have to text all the time.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 It sounds like a normal FWB to me.
I don't know where people got the idea that FWBs cannot have conversations, cuddle, spend the night, etc- and that FWB must mean " right after sex you put your panties on and are out of the door ". In fact, it's seldom like that- because seldom a person can be content with so little- then, it would be simpler and more effective just to masturbate.
Why don't I think that he is just cautious, shy, taking it slowly ?
The " spontaneous " thing. When you really like somebody, and also when you are not totally smitten, but you want to build up slowly and see where it leads- f..k spontaneous.
They want to be sure that you'll be there for them that certain weekend or evening , that you won't be too distracted by other stuff or too tempted to look around for steadier, better offers . They want to be sure that , next time they call you, you won't say " John ? John who ? Ah, THAT John. Sorry John but tonight I am busy, I am... uhm, ahem, yeah, washing my hair ".
So, normally, a shy , prudent, withdrawn guy won't be very full on, won't want MUCH of your time, but that time he'll want, he'll reserve it in advance. To make sure it happens.
" Spontaneous " means it can go either way , he does not particularly care. If he sees you fine, if he doesn't even better. Generally not the premises for a memorable love story.
Of course this is not a law of mathematics or physics, it allows for many individual exceptions , so I hope you are one and I am blatantly wrong.
But, you know as the say : expect the best , but be prepared for the worst :) . ( This in case you want more from him than he gives you now- if you are fine with the way things are, just enjoy ! )
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