A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!! Please help me, I can't understand this, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, my issue is that he doesn't want me to meet most of his friends. (they are all male and all of them are students just like us, no drugs or dark or dangerous things, I'll be 20 in July and he's 21, his friends are the same age as us)He tells me that he doesn't want to put together those two worlds (according to him the girlfriend world with the friends world) because he says that he hates when his friends talk about their girlfriends to him and hates when his group of friends make plans that include their own girlfriends. I mean, I would understand if this was something that happens 100% of the time, but it's only sometimes that their plans include their gfs. This is driving me crazy because in these 2 years I've only met 1 of his friends (lets call him "friend A") and I practically had to beg him to introduce me to him. On the other hand, my bf has even gone to the movies and attended parties with friend A and his girlfriend. I don't really think I have such an awful personality that I will treat his friends in a bad way. I'm not a mean person and I respect other people's beliefs and opinions. I don't get it, I feel he is keeping an important part of his life away from me when I've never done that to him and it hurts. I don't want to steal his friends or anything, I've got my own friends and he has met most of them (the ones he hasn't met its because they live far away and it's hard to visit during classes). And why does he hate a female presence with his friends? What's wrong with introducing your gf or bf to your friends? Do they always have to be "different worlds"?
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Using my romance with my boyfriend as a example when we became official one and one over three years ago he took me to meet all his aunts and uncles and friends. The first people we met were his parents. We met his best male friends and school chums at a class reunion the following weekend. He was really excited, I wasn't but everybody made me feel very welcome and I was dotted on heavily. It really didn't turn out bad at all. If I were you I would be asking some questions after two years no meeting of friends or family there is something not right here. I can assume you are in a committed relationship with each other no? You are worried and rightfully so. Its been two years and it is time for him to come up to the pump so to say. Good-luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Hi! I'm the op!
I've met a part of his family, I've met his parents and one of his 3 siblings (out of the 2 I haven't met, 1 has been out of the country for many years so I haven't met him, and 1 that lives in the same country we do, but he's too busy with work and has very little time).
We both attend to the same college and we spend most of our time together while we are in the university (in the hours between classes and breakfast and lunch hours).
I forgot this on my 1st post, some of his friends do want to meet me and have told him to take me to things they plan, and I found out about this one time I started reading aloud his phone messages to him (it was a joke actually, and he was the one that handed me his phone). I ran in a message of his friend inviting him to his birhtday party and saying that he could bring me there so that he will finally meet me. I asked my boyfriend about this and why didn't he tell me before and he said that his friends always said things like this but just to be polite and he doest consider them a big deal.
I've already backed off this topic and nothing happens, after I met friend A I spent more than 5 months waiting for him to act on this without saying a word.
What are the signs of him being the omega male in this group? This makes sense, but I don't know how to make sure that's the case, and if this is actually the case, what can I do about it?
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Hi, I would be concern. I believe if a man loves you , he wants to show you off to the world and also stand by you no matter what.
He thinks its okay to go out with his friends and their GF but dont include you, thats a warning sign.
I am not saying there is another woman, it could just mean he is keeping his options open.
Why hide your GF of two years?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 I can understand a certain amount of compartmentalization; not mixing business with pleasure, not bringing work home, not mixing some friends with others, but this is a bit much.
If there is nothing else about his behaviour that gives you cause to suspect him, then one explanation is that he doesn't have a solid standing among his friends. If he is the omega male of the group he might be too embarrassed to let you see that.
Telling you he doesn't like other girlfriends being there either might be his way of trying to reassure you he isn't hiding some sexual misconduct.
It could also be that while his friends aren't into anything dark and dangerous, they might be rather unchivalrous when it comes to women. Maybe he doesn't want to hear his friends make course, casual comments about you (good or bad) and be put in a position of having to choose between you.
My advice is to back off that topic entirely for a while and see what happens. Don't even hint or joke about it.
Have you met his family? Do you attend the same school?
...............................
|
