A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am 36, i am not capable of bearing a child anymore for a uterus problem. my husband had left me for another woman for a reason that he wants to have a child. do you think he didn't love me anymore because he exchange me for a reason to have a child? please help me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (29 June 2008):
I can't imagine anything better than my children. I love my children WAY more than I love my wife, my self, or anything else.
Before I get any objections about common-sense parenting, let me just express this as my rating on love: if my wife died, I would be absolutely crushed, POSSIBLY destroyed and in a depression I could never get out of. My rock, this woman who saved me from the terrible life I had without her - that's how intensely I need her. But if my children died, I would DEFINITELY cry forever.
Even from a naturalist perspective (evolution), if love is the conscious awareness of entirety of the chemical reactions designed to keep you reproducing your species, you can only love a child, in whom you've poured so much resources, more than you can love yourself. (It makes evolutionary sense to lay down your own life, past your reproductive prime, to your up and coming children.)
I hesitate to post this, because I don't know that it will make you feel any better, but I hope you can understand his perspective, that, for the type of person more concerned with the material in earth, the desire to have one's own children is very very strong.
i really feel for you. i think you are hoping that there is something in yourself that you are able to change that caused him to leave you. i don't know, but i'd be willing to listen to you if you want to mail me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): You'll find someone who will make you much happier that this man....Because he didn't love you or wasn't capable of loving you as much as you deserve.
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A
male
reader, BadVoice +, writes (24 December 2007):
Hmmm......Did he ever really loved you? I would say YES!
I undeerstand what you are going thru and I'm sorry....but I must say this....the desire to have a child is much stronger. I too would have left you to have a child especially since I wanted a baby. Not an adopted baby, but my own flesh and blood. I do not agree that he did not love you, but the desire to have a child is great
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): I don't think he didn't love you anymore because that implies that he loved you to begin with. I doubt that he ever really cared about you beyond your ability to breed. You are far better off now since you are now free to find a man who will love you for you and not what you can produce for him.
Personally I find anyone that obsessed with children to be creepy.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I have many friends whose wifes or husbands would never leave their spouses.
No loving man, no serious responsible man would never ever think of leaving his wife alone because of a reason beyond her control.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 What a nasty insensitive man leaving you because you cant have children how selfish has he not heard of surrgacy or adoption, darling your much better off without him dont waste another minute thinking about him and his shallow ways
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I am very, very sorry that you have to go through this. I have trouble finding the words that will express how awful I find this. You must be needing a lot of support. I see you very much loved this man, and he just dumped you as if you were an useless person.
Some people are very much interested in having a child of their own flesh and blood, and your husband is one of them. For this people, marriage means children, too. Perhaps he does love you, in a way. But his way should include respect for what you can and what you can't give, and respect for you as a person. And also he should care about your feelings, not only about his offspring.
Perhaps it's best that he leaves you now, instead of making you go through all the terrible stages of falling out of love. You're better off alone than in ill company.
Think of it this way: whoever he is with, from now on, has to play the role of "womb", not of "woman". I don't think you deserve such treatment. He left you, yes, but, in a way, if would have been worse if you had stayed with him, in the belief that he loved YOU, instead of your ability to bear children.
Your life isn't over because this man left you. In his mind, you're only worth being with if you can bear children. How stupid and simplistic. Don't let him ruin your life through pain and grief. I understand that you feel a lot of pain now, and for some time, but, be strong, and think that you have a life ahead of you, a new beginning. You may find someone else who will prize you for who you are. Happiness will be there for you if you let it come.
My sympathies, dear poster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): My opinion is that he was definitly not worth it. Don't waste your time on people like that. Find someone who loves you for YOU and not your uterus. Don't get yourself down by this. He has gone off to use this woman for a child. Be thankful that he hasn't been able to use you in this way.
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