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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I recently broke up with my boyfriend.He was the type to cancel on a date on me and get angry for small things or worse, make the topics that don't concern him, his own problems. He never wanted to take me out. After breaking up with him, he began showing his true colours. He told me that "what makes you think you deserve a date being so fat?" . I am so fat at the right areas that makes me look more like a woman and i love my body it looks great as many people have told me before. I have a small muffin top on my stomach so i joined the gym days before the break up. He never body shamed me throughout the relationship. He also told me that i must get "LEAN" because he loves lean girls as they are "flexible" during sex and "FAT" girls make sex boring. To continue he said "You only grow in size but your brain is not growing with your body. I never saw a clever fatty in my life". I read a lot so i know a bit much most people appreciate my knowledge. I guess he also hates that i can be beautiful and smart at the same time. I called his mother to let her know about her son's unstable emotions because he really knows how to be angry even when the matter is so small. She told me that is just how he is. This guy is trying to ruin my self esteem but i have been preparing myself for stuff like this since high school. I am confident and emotionally stable than ever before. I also pray to strengthen my spirit. Last month my long lost aunt adviced me about guys who treat girls bad and that i must pray and ask God to give me a man that suits me. Since then i began to gain control back in the relationship and put an end to things that make me compromise myself. I ended up breaking up with him after he kept me waiting for him only to cancel at the last minute. He took my virginity, has made a love video for us and has introduced me to his family. Now is like i am seeing a complete different person.What do you think about guys who body shame women? Especially in this case because we used to be friends then he begged for my love. I gave it to him, now this? I have not been able to sleep, concentrate or eat trying to understand WHO WAS I DATING?? Please help. Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 Maybe he struggles to put on weight so he takes his anger out on you? Sounds like he is insecure. You had a lucky escape ending it. He sounds very cruel.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): Don't waste time on him. He just likes to knock other people down to make himself look good, There are many people in the world like this. Don't listen to them.
My wife works in a hospital and patients sometimes do stuff like this to staff. Example: one day a therpist went to see a patient. The patient asked "have you gotten any lately?" The therapistntold him that was none of his business and he responded "you don't get any because you're flat." She didn't feel very good after that.
Some people are just jerks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Thank you Aunts. I realise now that it had nothing to do with my body but it has to do with some form of control. CindyCares you made me realise how pathetic he really is worse than I thought. I usually told him about fitness the reason that made me join the gym including my muffin top (he is very skinny) so i gues he took it from there. Talking to this guy is a waste of time. I will be joining female soccer team soon, NOT for "men" but for me and girls(motivate them) hehe. Thank you everyone who had made a comment. You helped me become strong from what was meant to break me. I will put you in my prayers. God bless you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 It's difficult, but ,... don't take it personally .
It's not even your body shape - that does not even factor in. Indeed, he can't be SO terribly adverse to Rubenesque girls, if he pursued, dated , and had sex with, Rubenesque you.
If you had been model-slim, he would have called you a scarecrow or a sack of bones etc. You can bet on it.
He is a sore loser. YOU broke up with him, and he does not like that. It makes him feel " dissed " and not in control. He wanted to be the one to initiate the break up. For him it would have been worked best if he could have kept having you at his disposal, and treating you poorly- until the moment he could make the upgrade and substitute you with a " better " model . It did not go according to plans, and he is foaming at the mouth. He needs to hit back to feel better, and, very perceptively, has chosen your most sensitive point.
You can't " shame " anybody who are not ashamed themselves .
Suppose that you had 3 or 4 Ivy League degrees , and somebody comes and tells you that you are not educated and not well read- you'd just laugh in his face and go
" yeah, whatever ".
I think that, regardless of what you say about loving and accepting your body, it's a bit of a whistling in the dark to shore up your self image ( - not that this is wrong, some times faking it till you really feel it is a brilliant solution to a problem ). He must have perceived that this is sort of a weak spot for you, so he tries to hit where it hurts.
That says a lot about the kind of person he is, which anyway apparently he had amply demonstrated during your relationship, so it should not come as a total shock to you.
He uses "body shaming "- but this is not really not about your body, or its actual desirability, or any improvement you should make to it.
He is tryng to punish you- if you were insecure about your sexual performance or your earning abilities or your cooking skills - he would hit there.
Yes he is pathetic, but- as I am fond of repeating, the blame game does not help , does not carry you forward, does not heal you.
Maybe the right question is not " What do you think about guys who body shame women ? ". This is a rhetorical question, what can we possibly think ? That's bad and that they should not do it !
But if we stop at a slag feast against your ex or against men in general- oh he is so mean and insensitive etc. etc. I don't think it really helps.
What will help is what you have started doing- regaining control in relationships, learning to be discriminating and to avoid humiliating compromises, going for what you know you deserve. THAT will give you healthy relationship, not the fact of looking like a Miss Universe contestant. ( As it is amply documented by all the movie stars and glamorous pop icons , past and present, who had a killer body yet have always been treated like shit by men. Think Marilyn, to name just one ).
Btw, if you want to eliminate your muffin top for yourself ( for having a better health or performing better in sports or wearing with more flair a certain kind of clothes etc.etc. ),- go for it, kill that muffin top. But if you are doing it just to become more appreciable in the eyes of " men " - don't sweat it. You are praying for a suitable partner- and your suitable partner is one who will love all of you, muffin top included . In fact, he should find it real cute :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2017): The guys who do this should look at themselves in the mirror first. Most likely they are the guys with pot bellies, no hair and crooked teeth. Not to mention an ugly heart, which you cannot see. And no woman could ever be as ugly as their hearts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2017): Body shaming it's not just limited to guys, I've been dissed by a few women in my time. These women wouldn't have known that I have a disability that prevents me developing my upper body muscles, but my point is- it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl doing the shaming, it's the personality.This dude sounds like he was not a great person (i'm being way more polite than I should be) in the short description you gave of his pre-breakup actions. And the last thing you need is someone giving you grounds to question the confidence you have in yourself.But, the world is full of morons, both guys and girls. And it's weird what brings out different elements of a personality. The thing is, you're hurting, confused... stop and think, if your friend told you the same as what you just told us, wouldn't your initial reaction be 'thank god you're out of that!'Sometimes in relationships, we make mistakes- but that's all they are, errors of judgement. You can still learn from those relationships though. The first lesson being when to just move on and leave the idiot to his own life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 March 2017):
 He sounds like an insecure a-hole, to be honest. Someone who can ONLY feel good when he put other people down.
My guess is he KNOWS that he can push your buttons by using weight as the ammo. He knows that it gets to you. He didn't know how to handle you taking the control back, so he started being spiteful.
BUT here is the thing! You are no longer dating so there is absolutely NO NEED for you to keep in contact or EVER talk to him again.
Be GALD you know what kind of guy he is and be GLAD you dumped him.
LET him go, don't spend time trying to figure him out. There is NO POINT in it. YOU didn't make him into an a-hole. THAT is just part of WHO he is.
Time to let go of him and move on.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (13 March 2017):
 You were dating a cruel, arrogant asshole who showed you his true colors once he'd "conquered" you. Well you know what, that's life. You can't lose sleep over this! You'll have your heart broken and this is how you'll learn about the different types of people in relationships and how to deal with them. This is also how you learn exactly what you shouldn't settle for in your next relationship.
P.S. Remember something always. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No guy, no woman, no one. Don't allow someone to get the better of you. He said mean things to you about your weight because that was his way of fighting dirty and making you feel small and he saw that he was succeeding in making you feel awful. He got what he wanted because you gave him that satisfaction. If you had told him to just fuck off the first time he made a 'fat' comment and shown him the door, he would have known where he stood. As for you, lose weight for yourself and to fit and healthy, not because some idiot made a sadistic comment.
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A
female
reader, apronedsamurai  +, writes (13 March 2017):
Body shaming is spiteful, shitty and betrays the ignorance and prejudice of the shamer. Indeed, it is the person making body shaming remarks who should be ashamed, not their "victim".
There is only one rationale for body shaming: to cause emotional pain, to be cruel purely for the sake of being cruel. That is inexcusable and indefensible.
Ignore such horrid people. Let them choke on their toxicity.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 March 2017):
 People get hurt in breakups - that's a given. Sometimes when people are wounded, like an animal, they lash out. He is aiming to hurt you. But you must not let it show, otherwise he wins.
Sometimes when people act like this they aren't being their true selves.
It's sad, but you just have to get on and ignore it. Let it be the proverbial water off a ducks back.
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