A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The problem I have is not a romance problem, it is a family problem. My brother is an alcoholic and he is spiraling out of control. He has had two DUIs and he can't keep a job. This week we found out that he had lost his job after being there for two weeks and he was living in a homeless shelter. We live in the United States but originally come from another country. Because my family feared the legal system over here and trying to avoid a third DUI we decided to ship him back home.Over there it will be cheaper to maintain him and he won't have access to a car. The problem is the medical care for addiction is not as good over there. My question is how do we stop him from drinking and did we make the right decision? Is there a way we could have legally forced him into rehab in the US even though we have no money to pay for it?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 You cannot force anybody in to rehab no matter what country you are in. If he is not willing to help himself then their really is nothing you can do. I know that sounds cold and heartless but the only person who can help him is himself. He needs to make the first move.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Hi. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for just over two years. It was his choice to get sober based on my telling him our marriage was over if he kept drinking.
A big help for me was Alanon. You can find information about Alanon here: http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting
Thankfully we could afford rehab. Even with insurance it ran me nearly 10k the first month. Rehab is not cheap.
you can't stop him from drinking. he has to want to stop himself. Unless he is ready and willing, there is nothing you can do to force him. Alanon will help you to understand why this is so.
As for forcing him to rehab, you can't. My husband wanted to get out of jail (he had been arrested while drunk and I let him sit in jail for two days) I told him that I would bail him out of jail if he went directly to rehab. He agreed and he was in patient for 30 days and out patient for another 5 months. I am very grateful that
a. we could afford it
and
b. he loved me more than he loved alcohol.
sadly he still says the only reason he stays sober is so he can stay with me. I hope that one day he stays sober for himself.
I hope you can find peace with your situation and I strongly urge you to find an alanon meeting that works for you. It may take some meeting shopping but in the long run it was a life saver for me, my spouse and our marriage.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (14 March 2017):
I don't know much about US laws so I'm probably not the best person to help but I doubt very much that you could have FORCED him to go to rehab, even if money was no object.
Some people are "forced" to go to rehab via the legal system - if they committed an offence whilst intoxicated (such as DUI) they might avoid jail time by agreeing to go to rehab instead. But that would be decided by the courts and it would depend on how good the lawyer was.
But "forced" rehab is frequently unhelpful as someone has to WANT to quit drinking for it to be successful. People who are quitting an addiction for other people frequently go straight back to drinking as soon as they are discharged from rehab. They have to want to do it for themselves.
But you've probably done the right thing by removing him from the situation that he was in. Addicts often have to move far far away from their old haunts in order to maintain sobriety.
Good luck with him.
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