A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone! just need some advice here. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost seven months now. It is long distance but nothing terrible and over the summer I broke up with him because he was acting as if he wanted out himself (forgot my birthday, was no longer calling me, only texted back and really bluntly) So I politely told him that this wasn't making me happy and wanted to end it. He spend a week trying to convince me to get back to him and explained that his character is like that and that he would make an effort. Thing is, he did make an effort and now things are worse than before. He mails and texts all the time but to me it feels like a flat line, he never says anything sweet or even interesting or personal to distinguish me from, say a friend - not even a best friend mind you. Even his letters. But he still he writes mails texts etc daily. To top it all I found that he has been active on a dating site and erased all my comments on his facebook page then claimed it was an accident (I didn't write anything personal). So, it is definitely over for me. Whether it is just his style or not I am just not happy and hearing from him annoys me. Now the question. In my books what we have does not qualify for a relationship so do I actually need to break up or would I look silly? What if I just go on with my life treating him like I do now (which is only as a friend) and just be less and less frequent? Also, out of curiocity. What d you guys reckon he wants. I am not holding on to him so if he wanted out why did he not take my chance? Obviously he is not any more into me than I am right now... Thanks in advance
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best friend, broke up, facebook, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey sunnycomet! thanks! Generally he does not wish to keep me a secret. He met all my friends and family as my boyfriend and I met a great deal of his. However, I also think that you are right. He probably wants to keep me a secret from someone. In any case he has something to hide and I don't have the time to deal with any of this any more. I was just curious of all this. It bugs me cause I don't understand! Thank you very much anyways!!!!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
That's kind.
To break up, you need to just keep it simple, calm and short. Look him in the eye and tell him it's over and that;s it. There's noe easy way to break up, but the best way is to keep it as short and calm as possible. Then delete his number, take no notice of calls and texts and gradually move on. And I hope your dad gets better as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks caringguy :-) Thank you for taking the time to answer. I appreciate your words. The truth is that I am not questioning whether to end it or not. For me it has been over for almost a month, I just didn't say the words (I knew it was over beginning of September when my dad was in the hospital after a nasty accident and I got a standard message from him every day "Is your dad better?" no hello, nothing else. I am sure you understand that with my dad like that the last thing I wanted was to properly deal with any of this. Since then I never initiate contact with him but he literally bombards me with messages, letters etc but they are just blank, same style as the aforementioned one) so I am clear I do not want this guy. My question was really on the protocol of break up . I have no idea how to do it with this silly pattern that has developed. My dad is still not well so i want as less stress as possible. Anyway, your reply was really helpful. It is always nice to have reinforcement during break up. Thanks!!
Eva
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 It sounds to me like he wants to keep you a secret. So my guess is that he has a girlfriend where ever he is at and is cheating on her with many distant relationships.
I could be wrong but it sounds like this is the case. Get out of the relationship!
Try telling him you only like him as a friend. Then get over him and enjoy life without him complicating things. Honesty, I think that distant relationships rarely work out because to keep a relationship going you need to be there for the person and be in their life.
I hope you find a nice single guy in your area.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
I don't know what he wants. Only he knows what he wants. But I can tell you this. He forgot your birthday, he isn't personal towards you at all, his responses are blunt and you don't feel loved or happy at all. You know this isn't going to work out as well as me! You won't look silly ending it at all. I'd say that you were being sensible. He won't change, so if you're not happy, end it and find a guy who will adore you! There are others out there.
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