A
female
age
41-50,
*spilker
writes:Ok here is the issue, my boyfriend thinks that I act like a 26 year old child. I will admit that at times I do act like a irrational. I have asked him what he wants me to do to change the issues in the relationship, which I am willing to do. The only thing is that I have asked him to change things as well and he says why should he change when I won't. But I am changing I can't do it overnight though. Also he says that he doesn't feel the need to be intimate with me either. I just want things to get better between us and I don't know what to do. Any advice that might help me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (30 September 2009):
 In order to improve your relationship, the two of you have to have the kind of trust and confidence in each other to build intimacy.
You can't change WHO you are, only HOW you behave. The same applies towards your boyfriend. One of the things that happens in a relationship over time is that a couple learn to mature together, and so they make changes in their lifestyle and their behavior patterns to be happier together. But those changes occur because the two people in the relationship WANT to change.
What he's saying is he resents having to change his behavior while you're willing to change yours for him.
I don't see how you can be more intimate with someone who refuses to make changes in his own behavior towards you.
However, the best way to resolve this is to tell him that you're willing to work on it, but he needs to work on it too. If not, you're wasting your time.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
Oh dear. A man who wants you to change but won't himself and then says he doens't want to be intimate? He sounds a bit controlling. Also, a boyfriend is supposed to like you for who you are, not for someone he wants you to be. I think you need to end this relationship and find a good guy who respects you and likes you as you are. It won't be easy, I'm sure. But there are others out there who aren;t so controlling and disrespectful. be brave, find another guy who wants you.
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