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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: two of my housemates dont like me i know this because they have spoke about me behind my back to my 3rd housemate. being a good friend she told me they had said that i dont think for myself my mum helps me with all my work and its easier for me i confronted them and they told me i had it out of context.they give me smirk looks, dont include me in things often and pick on me for leaving shoes by the door and cups i havent washed which are mine. (this is the day after) i do wash my things i just dont do it straight away.they talk behind my back then act normal, one of them shouted at me for using her washing tablets when i thought we shared cleaning supplies. as ive brought the mop bucket, bleach, payed for the meter the first week we moved in deweeded the garden sorted the water bill brought the meter card without asking them for money towards it. i didnt think they would mind but they have been cold with me eversince. my 3rd house mate knows all of this because they have been funny with her but now they are being nicer to her and not to me.my close uni friend overheard them saying they would ask my 3rd housemate to live with them and not me . they didnt even tell me. my 3rd housemate has already said she would like to live with me and my close uni friend. but they have all been spending alot of time together and not including me. my 3rd housemate then said she doesnt get why we don't get along i said because i have real friends, i don't need friends who will make me feel bad about myself.but atm im just feeling insecure and think im being over paranoid but they are picky with me and then act totally normal i feel like im getting stabbed in my back all the time and i dont know what to do.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Simple : don't leave your shoes by the door, and wash your cups right away. Everybody would pick on you for that, what they want is normal !
As for the washing tablets episode, I agree it would have been classier of her just let it go, since you have bought other stuff. Then again, they did not force you to buy stuff, you offered. You could ( and should ) have asked them to pitch in. The best is always sit everybody down and decide who is gonna pay exactly for what, -how and when.
Don't get too paranoid , there may be some coldness due to this little episodes, but I would not necessarily see the way the act as backstabbing. Quite the contrary. They simply get mad about some specific issue,- then they act normal, because it's not the end of the world and there is no need to wage a war over an unwashed cup.. They tell you what's wrong,- then life goes on normally.
Conclusion- just relax, don't be so touchy and pull your weight as you are supposed to do- and it will be a smooth sailing.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Pick up after yourself. Do your dishes right away.
Stop making excuses for your behavior and grow up. You think it sounds 'mean' but it is mostly the lack of your own self disciple about your own behavior inside of your jointly lived in home that is causing you this backlash! Instead of becoming defensive and moody - DO IT! They won't be talking behind your back when you are pulling your own weight! Sheesh! Grow Up Already! Telling us all the stuff you DO do doesn't make up for the stuff that you DON'T do - that' why you are getting the backlash!
"I do wash things, I don't do it right away..." Yeah, right. How gross is it when YOU see other people's food remnants? Yesssss, GROSS, right?
You are not being picked on, they are all making it pretty clear that you are not cleaning up after yourself, and you are being paranoid and making this into a problem by not simply dealing with the fact that you aren't neat enough. THEY ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER - NOBODY IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU!
It's one thing to be a slob when you live alone - it's really self-centred to expect your roomies to ignore it when they have to look at your dirty dishes. In the long run - you know the problem and you know the solution!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!
And yes..... I'm a Mom and It's official - you have just been yelled at. Nike said it best - Just Do It.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Im guessing your a first year? well no advice me or anyone else gives you can make people like you if they have decided not to, girls can be ever so bitchy when they decide. My advice is, wash your pots when you use them, then they cant say anything about it, and you dont have to be friends with everyone in life, if they make you feel uncomfortable then hang around with other people, who you do like, and next year you dont have to live with them. i lnow this dont solve the issue but uni is about more things than worrying how may or may not like you. let them get on with it and dont think about it.
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