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male
age
,
*ildman
writes:What do the females think about men who complain about not having enough sex and their wives not being adventurous enough to indulge in new things?How can a man change your actions on this? Is this a permanent situation or can a different approach improve the outcome? If your wants and desires out of the marriage are addressed with positive changes, would you be flexible to make some changes to better satisfy your other half? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I think it depends on the way you put it. A person can put it nicely, or they can be harsh and critize. It all depends on the approach.
A
male
reader, wildman +, writes (13 June 2008):
wildman is verified as being by the original poster of the question I meant out of my existing marriage not outside of it. Sorry I wasn't very clear. Thanks for all the answers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): complaining about something that someone does is critisism and no-one likes that. Why should women be any different? Sex is an act of fun but is also an act of love and to critisise or moan about the way your partner is doing it is like saying that they're not good enough. Of it is a subject that should be talked about if there is dissatisfaction on one part. Instead of moaning though, I'd suggest a saucy suggestion when your both in the mood. It's more romantic, more passionate and more respectful to your other half.
Also, it could be turned into a game, why don't you both promise to try something new every week? why don't you both put suggestions of what you'd like to do on bits of paper into a box and pull them out. It's spontanious and fun.
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 I love your honesty Dudel. Bless you. At least you are willing to learn. That can only be good for your partner. Well done you!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): i believe thats why a lot of husbands and boyfriends cheat due to their partners lack of adventure in the bedroom,you can only try new things to see if you enjoy them or not
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I cannot add much to the previous posting, but would just like to mention that there are other HEALTH factors that could also have an effect on the female sexual libido.
I have dealt with a lot of women who who like to be more resposive, but have difficulty, and often it was due to hormones etc.
Certain supplements such as B12 seems to help some women. Best would be to get more info on these matters from a doctor.
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (13 June 2008):
Well I can't speak for ALL the females, but it depends on how you say these things you know. If you make your wife a nice meal, or take her out somewhere nice - even for a walk in the park - then you give her a nice warm hug and speak charmingly and nicely to her, even in a cheeky way, that you've been thinking about how you can spice things up a bit - I think she'd feel flattered and a little bit excited that her man fancied her that much still and thought of her in that way. BUT if you sit there, demanding she have more sex with you and that your sex life is boring, then she's gonna feel resentful, not good enough, insecure, like she's being pushed, and she's gonna start dreading you coming near her because she'll feel threatened. A different approach can definitely improve the outcome. Us girls like to be wooed. But it doesn't take much. A little surprise - a few candles, a little romance, a glass of wine, a walk inthe park, just small things but intimate too. Like I said, it don't take much. We just like to know our man thinks of us, cares for us and wants to be happy with us - in whatever way that is. But come the heavy hand and we just back off - and wouldn't that be the same for you? Imagine you didn't like DIY and your wife went on and on about that, so that every time you came in the house you dreaded it because you know that cupboard was never hung, you know that tap is still dripping. How would you feel? And even more so how would you feel if she accused you of being lazy, useless, incapable? Get the drift here? But if your wife really appreciated every small thing you did for her, praised you even if it was a pile of crap, but you tried, wouldn't you want to try harder, do more for her?
I don't understand what you mean by your wants and desires out of the marriage - are you having an affair or thinking of it? Trust me, that won't help if its the case, it will just make her a million times more insecure, and thats not the answer if you have a good loving wife. Far better to end a relationship and then move on than to do that. Its just not fair. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I think that bringing this up in a fun, let's try something new, I'd love to do this to you way is better than nagging. I get really uncomfortable when my husband gets annoyed for not having sex or says something in the lines of "I always want to and you don't want to as often, maybe I have a problem". Because I know he is just saying you are not giving me what I need.
Once he even told me something like I understand now how some people might have affairs. He was not being manipulative, he was just making a conversation about how he felt, but as you can imagine all hell broke loose. Though, he is getting more of it, but, I sometimes feel I have to... like it was a chore... and that's definitely something you don't want.
So.. basically... I think an approach of having fun and doing new things when she is up for it is definitely a lot better. For me, it also works if we talk about it before hand. Like, if I get my mind thinking (maybe even in the subconscious) that we will have sex later on, I find that I am turned on easily when we get to it. Like a getaway, or staying somewhere and just hinting her on bringing sexy cloths... that might help her think about that though it is easier to be turned on when you get there. Making her feel sexy and sensual is always a plus. But don't be too obvious on the sex thing (I can get annoyed if I feel he is only talking about sex), let her think it is her initiative!
Hope this helps!
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