A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What do men mean when they describe their wives or girlfriends as "controlling"? If a man isn't exactly complaining, yet that is the 1st word he uses to describe the wife/GF, is this a compliment? Hate to sound so stupid, but I'm serious and need to know. THANKSSSSS for any male insight. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (9 February 2008):
It is definitely not a compliment though some women would take it as such. I also agree that for many men it is a word that is used when they are chafing against the relationship or feeling some guilt over their own actions.
However a sound relationship is one built on trust, mutual respect, equality, and with each partner sharing the roles of leading or following from time to time.
In a relationship that psychologists would call controlling one partner is dominating the other to an unacceptable level. What is unacceptable - that is the subject of many books and ideas, but I would say that it starts when the wishes of the controlling partner are usually interpreted as being the wishes of the entire relationship.
Take a step back and consider it carefully. Maybe some of the problem is misunderstanding that has led to this point. Perhaps even consider a relationship counsellor.
Good luck
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Hi there,
No sadly it's not a compliment. Men use it all the time to describe wives and girlfriends. They will say that 'we' are controlling because we attach conditions to things and want them to do things that we want to do. Ofcourse when the relationship is going well men won't comment on this at all and are happy to go along with things but when they are not pleased for whatever reason its the first thing they use. It is normally followed by the woman being described as 'crazy'. Try and find out exactly what he classes as you controlling. If you can defend this in any way all well and good but normally the woman isn't really doing anything wrong the man is saying tis word to cover other issues. My husband used to use this in the area that I wanted to control all outcomes , that I was afraid of the unknown so would try and control all eventual outcomes to cover my fears. It got to the stage where if I even asked him to make a restaurant booking it was deemed as controlling.
If you are being a bit 'needy' back off for a while, give him some space and let him get on with what he wants to do with no suggestions on your behalf. If you are still in love and lust with each other this will go away.
All the best
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Picking out one single word in anyone's speech and using it in isolation to come to a conclusion would be a huge, huge, huge mistake.
(Are you a journalist by any chance?)
Ask the person to elaborate.
Take care, Richard
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Forgot to add. It can be a compliment to her or it could just be a matter of fact.There is no negative connotations. It is the way of life for them when the men get married.
Before marriage, the men are like wild stallions , roaming the world.
After marriage , they cannot roam anymore and become more domesticated.
Before , they had no worries at all but after marriage, they start to worry about their futures.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (9 February 2008):
Whether she is in fact controlling or not , once a man marries, he is no more free to do as he pleases. He has to think of her and subconsciously , it is a form of control because he cannot do as he liked when he was single.
The other controlling women are those who imposed curfews on their husbands or they need to get her permissions if they wanted to do some things or anything.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I think its natural for most women to be controlling. I dont know if you can call it a compliment ...I would call it a basic trait. In any case i can't begin to understand it.
Interestingly, you sound like a controlling woman for even asking this quesstion! Trying to get an answer to a question that men find difficult to answer honestly without hurting feelings is one of those controlling things women love to do. I know I'm evil for saying that but I couldn't resist!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Nope not a compliment. It means they have a leash on them, and choose weather or not their able to decide for themselves.
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