A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok... its pretty difficult but i was already pregnant when i first met my fiance. we were together 3 months and he had left for pre deployment training. we had a really good friend and he told me while my fiance was away that he was sleeping with this chick he had been friends with for 4 years. and of course i believed my good friend. and because of belief in that and wanting to get back my friend and i began to have sex but i couldnt do it. i told my fiance the next day. we got back together later which brings me here now. i have always been insecre about how i look and after having a baby made it alot worse. my insecurities began to anger him by stupid comments i would always make about other chicks. ontop of that he still cant really forgive me for sleeping with someone else.also that he tells me that he cant raise a kid thats not his and that he doesnt want to have a family. he is the love of my life and i would do anyhting for him. and he lovs me too... but he tells me he doesnt want a family and he just wants to be friends. i really dont know what to do or say to let me show him we can be happy together and to at least give it a chance. we are each others best friends. if i stay friends with him is there a chance we can be together again? what do i do to make him change his mind?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni understand what your saying... i should have added a little more into it last night, but i'll do it now. i had slept with our friend last year in july. he told me at the end of the year that he had foegiven me and had saked me to marry him. i had my child on december 31st. we have been a family for only 2 and a half months. i had become qiut depressed and really insecure with my body and i would basically take it out on him saying a bunch of nonsense and asking him if he would sleep with this girl or if he thought that girl was hotter than me...it started really getting on his nerves but i couldnt help it and kept it up. when he broke it off with me he told me that he still hasn't forgiven me and doesn't know if he can. he had said that he cant raise a child that isn't his. but to throw it in there he has been with other women who had children in the past. he also told me that he doesn't know how he could live his life without me. he says that we were meant for each other... so to say soul mates... and he does this to me. the next day after taking the ring from me he tells me he just doesn't want a family and if the kid was his he still probably wouldn't be able to do it. i sat there and begged him not to do this to me and my son and he kept sayong he wont change his mind. he really just wants to be friends and see's no problem with us staying in the same house until we both deploy. it is ver hard to sit here and just be friends with the love of my life. i tell him it's difficult and he tells me not to shut him out of his life when i see it as him shutting me out. i dont know if i can just be friends with him although he is my best friend. i wont be able to handle seeing him with another woman. i just want to be with him. i want another chance with him. i want him to give me and my son another chance to be apart of his life. what do i do about this?
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 apologies i replied to the wrong thing.
woops!
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A
male
reader, RL8 +, writes (18 March 2009):
 i do have to agree with Cat,but just to add to be honest i think the big reason why he just wants to be friends now is because you slept with someone else,and he really does not want to be married and over seas and be thinking about the possibility of you cheating on him again.So if there is some way you can convince him that you would never do that again that cool,but if not you really cant blame his decision.i know its rough but its the truth and everything else will fall into place..god bless
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (18 March 2009):
To be honest it is really up to you i mean you get her sense of humour but as you say your embarressed when she puts other people down who don't understand her sense of humour i mean you shouldn't have to apologize to other people for her behaviour that's wrong she shouldn't be putting people down like that no matter what way she intends it. I am sure she wouldn't appreciate other people putting her down and thinking that it's alright for them to do so.If you think that you have a really good strong friendship then keep it but if you don't want to be around someone like that then move on i'm sure she'll soon realise she shouldn't be so cruel to people.goodluck :)
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Ture best friends would accept each other's conditions, and would help to support each other within their each other's capacity.
Your fiance's objections may not necessarily because he does not want a family now, but it might actually be concerns that he will not be able to be there for you all the time. He is in the military, so his chances of being deployed and away from his "family" are high.
You and him are engaged despite the fact that you are pregnant. I think that is already indicative of the fact that he loves you as you are. May I suggest that you and your fiance discuss this so that the real and honest reasons of his concerns are conveyed?
Having said that, if he is adamant that he only wants to be friends, then he is signaling to you, loud and clear, that he is no longer interested in being your fiance.
You are carrying a baby now, so please be strong for whatever decision you will take now. You need this strength both for yourself and your baby.
Cat
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