A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been raised to treat women with care and respect. I show it all the time and she says she feel smothered in my Love what do I need to do to make her feel more comfortable with me and not feel like that with me, we eventually want to get married I just want to make sure she feels right with me. What do I need to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 What a nice guy you sound and you obviously have a lot of respect and love for this girl. Even by posting this problem you are showing how much you care and want to make her happy. I am a little concerned what exactly she is saying to you. Maybe you are being too nice, are you possessive? I think you need to pull back a little, sometimes someone being too nice can be off putting. All relationships have arguments and rough patches but if you are constantly trying to please her it may be pushing her away. My husband used to be like that with me when we started dating he used to send me flowers every single week without fail and buy me pressies all the time nothing was ever to much trouble. He didnt argue with me and tried to please me all the time. This was lovely to begin with but then it started it irritate me and like your girl i felt smothered. I told him he had to calm down and just be himself and that a good fight now and then was healthy. It got to a stage he wanted to be with me all the time to walk me home when i was out with my friends ringing me constantly to see if i was ok.
A
female
reader, aunty t +, writes (10 March 2007):
What a nice guy you sound and you obviously have a lot of respect and love for this girl. Even by posting this problem you are showing how much you care and want to make her happy. I am a little concerned what exactly she is saying to you. Maybe you are being too nice, are you possessive? I think you need to pull back a little, sometimes someone being too nice can be off putting. All relationships have arguments and rough patches but if you are constantly trying to please her it may be pushing her away. My husband used to be like that with me when we started dating he used to send me flowers every single week without fail and buy me pressies all the time nothing was ever to much trouble. He didnt argue with me and tried to please me all the time. This was lovely to begin with but then it started it irritate me and like your girl i felt smothered. I told him he had to calm down and just be himself and that a good fight now and then was healthy. It got to a stage he wanted to be with me all the time to walk me home when i was out with my friends ringing me constantly to see if i was ok.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 Women like a bit of a challenge, I would back off a little bit, don't be the first to contact her, let HER contact you! Have opinions and don't ask her what she wants to do all the time. Sometimes a guy can be too nice. Next time she calls you up and asks you out or wants to come over, let her know it's not suitable, that you're busy. Let her MISS YOU a bit more. Like I said, being too nice can be boring so try not to be just so accommodating. Sill I know, but true...
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Well, hun--you don't give a lot of info so I'd be curious as to what she means by 'smothering'? There are many different variations of 'smothering' and differing interpretations by individuals, so I think further talking is needed here. Are you showing her love but also acting needy, desperate, can't be away from her, always wanting her with you, wanting to know her every move, who she's with, where she's going? If yes to that answer, then you are 'smothering' her with bordering on trying to 'own' her. If this is the case, then she's letting you know to back off a bit. I suggest you do that but do it subtley. Of course you stay romantically involved, but you give her some 'space' and pursue other aspects of your life. Other friendships, interests, hobbies, activities...things you like to do without her. You don't ignore her, you just find a happy compromise and momentum here. You balance it all out.
However on the other side of the coin, there are some women who will mistake a nice man's love, attentions and affections for 'smothering'. If she's been in relationships with men who have mistreated her or ignored her, in the past--- she may not be accepting you simply for the kind, caring, loving, respecting guy that you are. Does she not give you the respect to just be who you really, truly are? If that is the case, then she may have the problem..not you.
Honest, open communication is the building block of all healthy relationships. o talk to her about what you did or are doing to specifically to make her feel smothered. Once you get your answer, then the answer is simple....stop doing what is bothering her. Pinpoint the 'specific smothering' behaviours, first and go from there. Good luck, dear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Just cut down on showing the love and care that you have for her and instead of showing it all the time show her it some of the time and keep it inside instead all of the time. By showing her the love and care that you have for her she is feeling smothered and thinks that it is a bit too much. Ask her how much she wants it and if you think that that is too little then make a comprimise.
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