A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!Last Friday I went out with some friends and I ended up going to a hotel with this 31 year old guy who is married... We both knew what we were getting into and agreed that it was just gonna be a couple of hours of fun... We did have fun and he enjoyed that till the point of telling me that he could call me again...I felt ok for the whole weekend and I was very happy indeed (I had some kind of stupid crush on this guy ever since I had met him —like 6 months ago— and because he's very attractive, I never thought he would be interested in me even if it was just for sex!)... But right now I'm very confused because I feel both bad for what I did (he's the cheater, not me, but I feel bad too!) but also excited about the possibility of a call, email or text message from him asking me to come over... I wanna be with him again soo badly! Would it be a good idea to call him myself? He didn't say "don't try to look for me"...Thanks a lot for your time!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 You agreed to (in your words) 'We both knew what we were getting into and agreed that it was just gonna be a couple of hours of fun'
Therefore you KNEW that you cannot see this man again, you knew this was for a couple of hours only and you agreed to this up front before you got into it. Therefore you CANNOT under any circumstances call him.
You might think that he is the cheater, and that is true, he is an awful awful man and his fiancee is a poor woman for ending up stuck with this man - but you allowed him to cheat, you took part in the infedelity and you showed no care or respect for the fact this man got down on one knee and declared his undying love for another woman.
How would you feel, if you found out that the man you love who proposed to you, went out and slept with another woman, and the woman knew about it all yet still went ahead? Surely as another woman, you would respect that this man is taken and you dont want to take part in hurting another human being?
You might think you are not as bad as him, but in my opinion you are just as bad as the man who cheated. You willingly hurt another human being, went behind her back and have basically ruined her life without her even knowing about it. You have to put yourself in her shoes - she is planning her dream wedding, excited about marrying the man she loves, yet he is sleeping around with a younger woman and to make it worse the woman knows he is getting married but she doesnt care either, she is so selfish she only cares about herself and what she wants.
Be a good human being - stop allowing yourself to be used for sex by men in relationships, especially when you know about their relationship. Dont be so selfish and immature, think about the people you are hurting and dont treat people like this. Dont allow this to happen ever again, put him to the back of your mind and move on. Find a single guy to obsess about instead of a lying, cheating man in a relationship.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 October 2012):
 I think it would be bad to call him. For one thing, I'd be interested in knowing if he ever calls you again. And if he does, I'd be willing to bet it's just for sex. Do you really wanna just be this guy's booty call? If he discovers you like him sooooo much you may get a false sense of "being with him", when in fact he still goes home to his wife or fiance every night and not you. How long to you really think you'll be satisfied with that arrangement? Don't get blind-sighted by the fact that you hooked up one time before to plunged into marriage. He probably just told you that he'd call you, to save your feelings or to cover up some moment of embarrassment he felt afterwards. Unless he actually calls you I wouldn't get my hopes up. And P.S. if he does call you, make sure it's because he's calling to tell you he broke off his engagement with his fiance because he's fallen hopelessly in love with you instead. Anything less is a booty call and you don't want to be stuck in that kind of dead-end arrangement. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): The key sentence in this entire post is: " and because he's very attractive, I never thought he would be interested in me, even if it was just for sex." You are demonstrating (1) low self-esteem and (2) low self-worth.You have low self-esteem because you cannot believe someone attractive finds you attractive enough to have sex with, over his wife. His sexual desire for you makes you feel attractive, which means you probably don't think you're that attractive. I would venture to say that you move pretty fast with other men that make you feel attractive and raise your self-esteem.You have low self-worth because you are okay with this guy just using you for sex, despite knowing that he has a wife and will not likely be leaving his wife for you anytime soon. In short, you are content with this guy using you as a sexual object because it makes you feel alive and attractive. But this is an illusion. You are deluding yourself, and ultimately, you are screwing over this guy's WIFE.Your initial guilt is irrelevant. Just because you felt "bad" doesn't make you a good person. You still entertain the thought of doing it again, so your guilt means nothing. The correct choice, here, is to (1) find out why you have low self-esteem and self-worth, and to fix those two issues so that you can be a happy person on your own. And (2) never contact or engage in sexual behavior with this man OR any other man that is in a relationship.
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