A
female
age
30-35,
*aryjanebby13
writes:HELP! OK so me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years and we have a baby I'm 16 years old 17 soon he is almost 20. we had some problems he tryed to ask another girl out. he kissed her and was at her school trying to find her to get his answer from her (to make it offical) and i guess she avoided him . i found out and i thought it was over i c=was so torn apart i felt like dieing ): SO I FORGAVE HIM ANYWAYS*now we are still together its been about 3 months since the whole thing and i seen he was looking at porn on the internet but it wasent just looking it was on a webcam and chat porn site and i kinda feel like he is doging me we havent had sex and im not scared, i love being intimate with him i love him with all my heart. ???????????????whats up and whats down?
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male
reader, Avg Man +, writes (15 June 2009):
You are young and he is irresponsible. Take care of that baby and seek support from parents, aunts and uncles as your strive to finish your education and make a good life for your little one. If you remain intimate with him, you will get pregnant again, or worse, get an STD that he is bound to bring your bed (from another woman). Your education (and hopefully a good job) will make you desirable to a more responsible man in the future. I know it will hurt at first, but start to pull back from the immature father of your baby and start your life over. AM
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I don't want to hurt your feelings but teen girls that get pregnant seem to have this deluded notion that having a baby with their boyfriend will bring them closer together and they will live happily ever after. that's so far from reality and the truth is that this guy trying to do the right thing by taking care of his kid but this is probably the last thing he wanted for his future. He loves his child and wants to be a good dad but he wants what any guy wants his age and that's to be out dating girls, many many girls and but he's stuck at home paying the price for not using a condom and feeling it every day so he looks at porn and tries to get some tail any chance he has. He looks at you and thinks obligation and you are a constant reminder of what he can't have and all the freedom he lost by getting you pregnant. He doesn't want to be there but he has to be and that is going to build resentment in him towards you. Quit making it about love and fantasies and start seeing it for what it really is. Nah, you can't trust him at all. Save your money or move back with your parents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): "You realize how stupid you are to have a baby at 16, right?"
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Completely inappropriate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): What reasons do you have for loving him? Because it doens't sound like there are many to be had.
You feel however, that you are in love with him. But part of being a parent is doing what's best for your child and then for yourself.
Now you may not see it, but what's best for you is to not be with this man.
But what you absolutely must see is that the same thing is also best for your child.
Children need to grow up on food influences. They need to have good examples of good people.
So what are you teaching your child, be it a girl?
You are teaching her that it's ok for men to act like pigs. That you can let them treat your poorly and not have the strength to stand up. Your boyfriend is teaching her that it's ok for men to cheat on her, to look at porn webcam and chat rooms and that she shouldn't try to anythign about it. That it's ok to surround herself with those types of poeple.
What are you teaching it, be it a boy?
that he can treat women however they want, because men are superior and women should simply cope. Your boyfriend is teaching him that this is how men should act. This is how daddy acts.. he cheated on mommy, he looks at porn and she's still around, so this is how i will act.
Maybe your child is too young to notice what's going on right now, but he/she WILL pick up on it wiht age.
If you can't find the strength to do what's best for you, then look out for your child. This man will destroy your family if you keep giving him the oppurunity.
~SY.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (15 June 2009):
You realize how stupid you are to have a baby at 16, right?
First, don't worry about the porn. Guys love porn. A naked woman is the closest to God we will ever be. There is absolutely nothing else that excites, pleases, or motivates us like naked women. Blame evolution.
Second, guys don't love women the same way you love us--especially when we're young and more interested in having sex with every woman who will have us. Younger women are much better off in relationships with older men in their forties because their libidos are similar. (Likewise, women in their late thirties do well with teenage boys.)
If you want to keep the relationship interesting to him, you need to indulge his little porn fantasies. If he's embarrassed by them, find clever ways to get him to talk. Ask if you can look at porn with him. If he's tense, rape him while he's sleeping. Surprise him by picking up some porn at the video store. Don't judge him, don't embarrass him, just try to be "helpful".
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A
female
reader, GabiLC +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I'm going to apologize early for the harshness and reality I'm about to write. Sweetie, you're young and he's much older. That's his nature--- to want to find something more fitting for him. I totally understand why you don't trust him. Hell, I wouldn't trust him either, but you feel the need to stay with him because you feel that you love him. Well, you do love him (alittle) actually. What is keep you with him is your baby, who I'm sure is beautiful. But soon enough, he's going to cheat and you will find out. You will be hurt and delirious. You need to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Let him know how you feel and remind him that you two have a baby. "Do you want our child to grow up knowing that his father cheated on his mother? Do you want our child to know how weak and inconsiderate you're being?" Then you need to decide for yourself if you want your child to know these things and if you're willing to stay physically and emotionally in a relationship such as yours. I hope this helps, darling.
P.S. I would love to see pictures of your baby!
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