A
male
age
36-40,
*oenorth88
writes:I guess this is a long one so where to start. I'm 21, I'm Gay, I came out when I was 17 years old and had a fantastic response from everyone I know. As a person I'm not effeminate in anyway, most new people that meet me are shocked to find out that I'm gay. The problem is still after nearly 4 years of being an out Gay man the sexual/relationship aspect of life (i.e the part that would make me gay) really hasn't moved on since I first admitted my sexuality. It's very strange because I am told by many people that I am incredibly good looking and a very good friend. Often I would agree, other days I only feel about 2 feet tall.I have very loosely tried the gay scene but the problem is I don't feel I fit in there, I don't define myself by my sexuality and find it very intimidating. there have been a dew dalliances over the last years, but I can honestly count all my sexual encounters, from kissing to full sex using less than all the digits on both hands. I have made one very strong connection with a guy. I met him about 2 and a half years ago through a friend, we got together for a couple of months over Christmas but it all suddenly ended due to family issues. For the next two years I tried finding other guys but for some reason I couldn't most of the time they appeared ended up being straight, despite the fact that it seemed they were gravitated towards me. What made it even more difficult is the guy I had feelings for kept getting in contact with me every couple of months with plans to get back in contact but it always fell apart. eventually in December if last year, we did get back together and it was wonderful. This boy was literally my ideal guy, and at the beginning of the year he took my virginty.unsurprisingly it all ended very quickly after that on his part, and I came to realise the reasons were simply because he couldn’t form a relationship and seeing him again after all that time actually cured all the pain and I do genuinely feel that I'm over him. In the time we were apart, 2 years, I didn't touch another person. After he left I joined an internet site and had a couple of very brief meetings with a couple of guys, I slept with one of them but that was nearly 5 months ago now and there has been nothing since.I get offers, admittedly on the internet but there are quite a lot, but for some reason I just can't do it. Truthfully sex does scare, me I've only done it twice and I feel I really need to trust someone. Also whenever the very few occasions that I have ended up in bed with someone I have real trouble getting an erection.I've got to the point where I do not know what to do. It seems like I could really give up the idea of finding someone now but there is still part of me that knows I would finally be happy if I found a meaningful relationship. It's just not happening. It's me on some level blocking it I'm sure. The truth is I've been so depressed for so long now with it all. My experience of someone else in my life could be counted in hours. It simply feels like this is not and will not be in my life.
View related questions:
christmas, depressed, erection, get back together, kissing, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bobby472  +, writes (27 June 2009):
Wow im going through almost the exact same thing. so really there isnt anything I can say that would help. (Im still going through it so it wouldnt be good advice lol) But I geuss I can say this. Hold in there, it cant rain all the time.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I think you've got bigger issues than simply meeting someone else. Sex can be scary but it's also quite natural and enjoyable. You cannot depend on another person to bring you happiness either, you have to find it in yourself first.
If you have been feeling depressed for a long time, I suggest you find a counselor and have a few long talks about what happened in your life. There probably is an emotional issue blocking you from finding true happiness. Once you find it, life will be awesome!
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, GabiLC +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I understand your situation. Normally, I would advise people to go out and flirt, show yourself. But, in your case, I'm going to tell you to sit back and relax. You say that you're attractive and I believe you. If you believe that you're attractive, others will also. Let the guys come to you. Do not want to sleep with every guy you meet! That's a big stereotype for the GLBT community, which I am apart of. You seem to be a casual guy, so have casual friendships first and the meaningful ones will soon develop. Smile and have a cosmo! I hope this helps!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Just don't be so sad just be yourself have fun and it will naturaly come to you
...............................
A
male
reader, maxi101  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Feel the same way, our circumstances are remarkably alike. All I can really pass on is what my friends have told me! Hang in their buddy - just give it time.
...............................
A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Sounds like you're just as lonely as every single heterosexual male. (Except the part about not getting it up. There are pills for that now, so you have no excuse.)
My advice is to get plenty of girlfriends (friends who are girls). I don't know why, but broads are enamored of gay men. Take them shopping, do girly stuff with them, chat all night long, and empathize with their constant bitching. Here's the payoff: Girls always complain how all the best men are gay, they have amazing gaydar--a lot better than yours--and can find these "perfect" guys in a heartbeat. They'll enjoy hooking you up with the studs they find.
...............................
|
