A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend four years now and all we do is fight. He get bad temper and beat me up. We have a child together and hit me in front of her. He has pushed me down the stairs slapped and punched me and kicked me on the side while i am on the ground. He spit on my face and it is worse went he is drunk. He has a problem with drugs and he would start on me if i dont gave it he called me fat and ugly. I dont know what to do?
View related questions:
drugs, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, omgoshjackie  +, writes (6 November 2012):
My bestfriend of 8 years was with an abusive boyfriend for 3 years of our friendship. It took about 2 years for her to leave him. She had to do it for herself. It is not easy. But you have a child to think about this is not good for her. Get out as soon as you can, he will keep hitting you and move on to your daughter.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Go to the police/ER get all the bruises documented, then pack your stuff and find the nearest Domestic Violence shelter and get HELP.
You need to WALK out now, while you are still alive.
You only have 1 life, so you need to take charge of it and leave him.
Accept these two statements:
HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
LOVE CANNOT FIX HIM.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): You don't know what to do?
Do you like abusing your daughter this way?
She deserves this?
You think you can call yourself a mother when you put your child torwards this? The question is not what you can do. Is what you SHOULD do as a "mother" to that child. Is GET OUT OF THERE NOWWWWWWWWWW. Tell everyone what he is doing, tell the police, if you keep covering him up he will spit and beat up your daughter or WORSE.
Be a mother. Protect your child. and GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Google how to get away from an abusive husband so you can find steps to get out on the safest way possible! Do not warm him of your leaving, just leave and let everyone else know. Make sure you have all your IDs and documents like passports and such. GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN... like today? Go to a place whereyou are safe.
Do not go back to him for your daughter, get a restraigning order, and take pcitures o your beatings so you can use thme as evidence, report him tot he police who will help you find a shelter and social worker. YOU NEED TO GET OUT. Take evidcence of his beatings, and get out. For your DAUGHTER, be a MOTHER and leave! PROTECT YOUR CHILD.
You know what to do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): You do know what to do you just won't do it not only that but you won't protect your child from all this either.
OP I have no idea why you're here, if you think us telling you what you already know you have to do is going to do it for you then you're wrong.
I will tell you this though, I was a child forced to witness this crap and suffer this kind of abuse from my mothers partner, you deserve no sympathy at all. Your child deserves sympathy because of what you are putting it through, because of what you are allowing your boyfriend to do to you in front of her.
You see you're as bad as him for not protecting your daughter from him, you're an adult, you'll recover from this once you leave but this kind of thing will stay with your daughter forever, it will effect her development, her relationships and guess what? She too will probably suffer this treatment at the hands of future partners because you're supposed to be her role model on how to be a woman. Well are you going to teach her to be our punchbag or are you going to teach her strength?
Do something about this now OP or you may lose your daughters respect forever, not only that but you risk raising another little victim that only knows how to be pushed around.
Your choice, but make it soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): I know what you are going through you love him but there is nothing you can do for an abusive druggie but leave him. Take you child and leave ASAP .This man is on drugs he don't love you right now he loves his drugs point blank period. It's not worth losing your life you have a child to live for.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 November 2012):
Go to the police, and get away from this man. Now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): Figure out a place to live, get your daughter and GO! During this time if he's abusive to you, CALL the police and get him arrested. If he continues (which I'm sure he will) after you leave, phone the police and tell them he's harassing you.
Don't stay in this situation a second longer than you have to, because the next time he beats you, you may end up dead, and your daughter left without a mother.
By the way, do NOT tell him of your plans to leave!!
Good luck and keep us updated when you can.
...............................
A
female
reader, super-dolly +, writes (3 November 2012):
 im sorry you have found yourself in such an awful situation and i bet hes so much different when hes sober and not drugged up i bet he occasionally says sorry. i bet he makes you feel worthless. i have been slapped strangled punched spat at. one day i sat down and thought enough is enough. but i don't have a child. you can't let your child think that this is normal she will grow up messed up because of this and he clearly is just a selfish pig and doesn't care about her witnessing this but u obviously do. so u get in contact with the police and tell them about this. i suggest u wait til he goes out you pack ur bags and you go stay with people who will protect you but make sure you get in touch with the police first tell them your plan. they will protect you times have changed the police do alot now for women in your position.
one day he might start on her so leave this selfish horrible man. he doesn't deserve you he deserves to be alone he doesn't deserve his child
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): "What do I do about a B/f who is extremely physically abusive?"
You leave him so he can't hit you in front of your child or at any time.
"I dont know what to do?"
First, you need to be acutely aware that you are in danger, and worse, you are endangering your daughter every day she lives and very night she sleeps under the same roof as a violent sociopath with a hair-trigger temper.
You MUST IMMEDIATELY take your child and whatever necessary items you can bring along with you and go to your nearest neighbor, police station, fire station, hospital emergency room, place of worship or any other safe haven and ask to be transported to the nearest shelter for battered women.
You need the help, support, information and knowledge that only a neutral, trained third-party professional can provide.
I suspect you have significant unresolved long-term deep-seated issues possibly (likely) dating back to childhood that have left huge emotional voids and deep emotional chasms that you are desperately and literally trying to fill any possible way you can.
For the sake of your daughter, if not yourself, please muster up all the self-respect, self-esteem, will, courage and resolve you can gather within yourself to get out from under his thumb, otherwise you are dooming your daughter to silently endure a hellish childhood beyond my imagination and comprehension but sadly, I suspect, not beyond your imagination and comprehension.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 You call the police, you tell them what is going on and then you stick to your resolution to make changes in your life. It must be very frustrating for them when they are able to offer assistance to a woman who has been abused and bashed, only to see her return to her abuser time and time again.
The police should be able to help you access a social worker, and a safe place to stay as well as counselling. If you are serious about keeping yourself and your daughter safe you will follow ALL the advise you are receiving here.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 You need to leave. Like, today, in fact, yesterday. If you care a bit about yourself and most of all about your daughter. You don't mention him hitting the child - YET. But you never know, and , seen the type of guy and his drugs use, better safe than sorry.
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (3 November 2012):
 You ask this question know the answer. You need to leave the gu, because all he is going to do is make your child get hurt very badly.
The question you need to ask yourself is, "Do I want my child to grow up seeing this? Do I want to have my child growing up possibly being abused by their father as well? What example am I setting?"
If you have a son, he will learn to beat the crap out of his wife. If you ahve a daughter, I can GUARANTEE that you wil have a daughter abused, provided you live long enough to see your child get married.
If you stay, you are subjecting your child to the torments of seeing violence and being abused.
YOU have the power to get out of the situation and stop your child from having to see that all the time.
It is up to YOU.
Your child's fate is in your hands. Your husband won't stop, so you have to leave.
If you do not leave, you are condemning your child to a life of misery and pain.
I emphasize YOU.
You know what to do.
PROTECT YOUR CHILD AND LEAVE.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): He's a woman beater and you need to get the police and your family involved before he hurt you and your child. This piece of crap shouldn't be walking the street, he belong behind bars. He's on drugs so he does not realize the things he's doing to you, please get away from this guy tomorrow if possible, I would have left the first time he put his hands on me, you may need to hide out from this type of guy because a guy like this may not take no for an answer. You may want to get a restraining order, this guy needs help before coming around you his daughter.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 November 2012):
 You call the police if he so much as touches you. Then you find your family and friends and any resources your community or government offers to shelter you and your child...like a battered women's shelter to help you get away.
The guy belongs in prison for assaulting you. If you currently have marks on you from a recent beating (black eyes, bruises on your body, split lip, missing teeth), take pictures and go to the police with them.
You have to take the step of getting away from him. Use your police and the court system to get an order of protection against him. Tell *everyone* you know...friends...coworkers...family....that he is beating you up. The time for covering it up and protecting him is over.
If you feel the slightest bit unsure about this, then think about your little girl and what it does to her when she sees her dad beat the crap out of you. She is in danger physically and emotionally now, and your primary concern should be her. Her soul is being torn in pieces every moment you stay with your boyfriend.
Get out now!
...............................
|
