A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelast
writes:I'm sad. My boyfriend went to jail/prison today, I love him more than anything else in this world. We're so perfect together from the day we met we've been so crazy about each other. We've been spending everyday together, Laughing, smiling, joking and falling more in love. I'm scared to be without him I feel all alone. I can't stop crying... It's hard without him. I don't have money to receive his phone calls or a car to go see him. I don't know what to do. I'm falling apart. I have no one to turn too. I don't wanna go 2 1/2 years with out hearing his voice or seeing his smile I can't do it... Someone please help? What do I do (can) I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): You are over 18 and on the US which means you are kind of late on the getting a car and a job that provides money. Start by getting a job, and looking into your community vo-tech/ community college for classes. A lot of schools offfer even a full -ride and other scholarships and this will give you an edge to get a better salary. Consider a nice career that you like.
THe reason you need the car, the job, the career is that this will keep you occupied for 2.5 years, and you can save up some money. With the career you will earn more money, which you will need since when he gets out the likehood of him finding a job that pays more than minimum wage are slim. If people with no criminal record cannot find a DECENT LEGAL job, then your bf is in for a hard time, so most likely you will be supporting him when he gets out. So start planning for hen he gets out, you cannot stop your life because he is in there.
If you or him are doing drugs/booze on excess try to enroll on a detox center, some are free and state funded. Get your act together on all senses if you really love him, this will occupy your time for sure.
Try to volunteer around, for example on the juvenile center, or even on his jail. Also, if he cared about you he will call and communicate with you in anyway.
So get o school, a job, so you can get that car. Be proactive if you truly love him you will better yourself and make it happen. Prison Talk Online is a good forum like the other aunt suggested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): Why can't you hear his voice for two and a half years? You won't be able to phone him but he will be able to phone you, and if he is as in love with you as you say, then I'm sure he will. As another person said too, if you love him that much then you will find the money to get a V.O to go and visit him.
Its hard obviously, its not the same as a relationship on the outside, but its not impossible to get through this, you just need to plan how you're going to do so. If all else fails (which I'm sure it won't) you can write to each other. There is always a way to contact a loved one in prison as bleak as it may seem. You're panicking so much at the minute because of this sudden change in routine and circumstances, give it time to sink in and accept what's happened, and then begin to plan how you you're going to stay in contact with him. I actually live with someone who has a partner in prison, and you cope with it day by day, and make the best of the situation you can. Find a suitable method of regular contact and stick with it. Its really not as bad as it first seems once you accept the situation, knuckle down and get on with it. He needs you as much as you need him, you should both help each other through this. Its no time to buckle under pressure because he can't do that in there, he's got to hold his head up high, keep a straight face and get on with it. It might help you to think of it as you're doing the prison sentence with him, except you're on the outside. You're both still separated from each other whichever way you look at it and need each others support.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): Hi, I have a man in prison too, and if the mods here at DC don't mind, here is a great support site:
Go to google and type in Prison Talk Online. You will find so much help, and resources there.
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A
female
reader, super-dolly  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 there are always ways to make money even if you have to clean.
2.5 years is a long time and maybe you should look at it this way. he has chosen to take this route. why should you? all that being said i will never see the man i love and who is my best friend again and it is agonising and no one can understand the pannick you feel. all i can say is time will help you the best thing for you to do would be to treat this like a breakup. you can be friends still but can you really put urself through this torture of being by urself and knowing hes inside. after the 2 yrs r up u can see how you feel but don't waste your life hes chosen his life you didn't choose to fall in love and lose him because of this. things may seem unfair right now and it may seem like your life is over but maybe you'll find someone who wont do things to end up in this position and who loves you enough to think of the consequences of their actions. i hold no judgement about your relationship but i think it would be unfair on you to waste your time like this
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 All you can do is get on with your life, if you lack money find ways to make it, even if it means taking in ironing. Start a savings plan for a car, draw a graph in the shape of a car, every %5 saved colour in a square.
Create new hobbies to occupy your mind, go for long walks, start a garden, vegetables can be grown in buckets on balconies, volunteer your services to your library or seniors centre, as for not wanting to go without seeing his face or hearing his voice for 2.5 years, maybe he should have thought more closely about consequences before he did whatever earnt him the time in jail.
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